Ten Tips for Handling the Office Holiday Party

Ah, yes. It's been a long, tough year. According to Forbes, 79% of companies are going to be serving alcohol at their annual holiday celebrations; that's up 73% from last year. You've been working hard, under-staffed, under-paid, and now here's the chance to cut loose and let it all hang out!

Having been to an office Christmas Party of two in my day, I've learned by observation and/or experience a few company Christmas Party tips that I thought I'd share with you. The following are actions that are bound to send you spiraling on the corporate ladder. In which direction? You decide.

1. Walk in late with a major buzz already brewing in your brain. Both will draw attention to yourself, and the latter will increase the possibility that you will be remembered in the morning.

2. Ladies: Wear something hot and provocative; this is your chance to make a statement and be noticed. Don't miss a chance to flirt with the CEO, even if his wife is at his elbow.

3. Grab as many free drinks as you can; the company's footing the bill for the booze, and that's the expensive stuff. Don't waste valuable stomach space cluttering it up with food that will put the damper on that buzz.

4. Guys, be ready for that momentary lull in the conversation; have the raunchiest joke you can come up with on the tip of your tongue and spit it out! Don't worry about offending anyone...it's a party for God's sake. They need to lighten up!

5. Take this opportunity to corner your boss's boss at the bar and let him know that bastard supervisor of yours doesn't know his ass from his elbow, and you could handle the job much better.

6. There's mistletoe? Make sure you get "Jugs" the admin under it and plant a wet one on her while copping a feel! Her actions may say no, but you know she's always been hot for you.

7. Once you've consumed enough liquid courage, approach the company CEO with your idea to install beer taps in the employee dining area. He's bound to appreciate your ingenuity!

8. If there's music, a little exotic dance might be just the gesture to make sure your name is on everyone's mind for future promotions.

9. When all those beers, bourbons, and Bacardis start to come up on you, don't vomit on the floor. The punch bowl or he nearest ladies purse are safer bets.

And last, but most important:

10. When Monday morning rolls around, you may want to update your resume. I'm just sayin'.