Ten Ways to Break Your Child's Heart

1. Yell at your child. Whether it is in private or in public, yelling at your child can be very painful for the child. Yes, it can be very hard to learn restraint. I personally had to battle this one. It is easy to become frustrated, especially when your child seems to get on every nerve you have on the worst day possible. My children seemed to be much better at this when I was sick or in a hurry. But yelling at them broke their hearts and made me very ashamed of myself.

2. Curse your child. Whether you practice this offense in private or public, it is a heart-breaker to your child. No one likes to be told they are worthless and called bad names. It is painful whether your child is an adult or underage. It just teaches your child that you are not worth the respect you demand from them. It also teaches them how to do the same thing to their children.

3. Hit your child. I have seen a parent hit a child who was under six so hard across the mouth that the child bled. The parent wanted to bully the child into being respectful and minding. All it did was break the child's heart each time he got hit. It can also cause a child to become a bully to other children. If you want your child to be welcomed and to have friends who are decent, maybe you should think about your own choices. Hitting your child will make other children want to avoid that child when the child begins to hit others. This not only hurts your child, it hurts someone else's, all because of your choice to hit your child.

4. Berate your child. Calling your child names and making him or her feel stupid is embarrassing and painful. It breaks that child's heart each time you berate them, whether in private or in public. No child wants to be made to feel worthless. It causes pain that carries into adulthood, sometimes for the entire life of the child. It can also cause your child to become verbally abusive to a future spouse or a child of his or her own.

5. Squash their creativity. When a child shares their creative ideas with a parent, it is a wonderful chance to become involved in your child's interests. If your child brings you something for your opinion and your first remark is, "What did you do this for?" or "Geez, couldn't you do better than that!", it can cause that child to lose faith in their abilities.

6. Step on their dreams. When your child tells you his or her dreams and you tell them they should get their head out of the clouds, it is heart-breaking to that child. Yes, it is possible that they are hoping for the impossible. But it is also true that many people have accomplished their dreams against all odds. You don't have to agree with your child, but you don't have to be negative about the possibilities either. Sometimes your child has to find out for themselves whether or not something is possible, and sometimes if it is meant to happen...it will.

7. Embarrass your child in public or in front of friends or family. Your child depends on you for moral support and trusts you to treat them with the same respect you want in return. Sometimes they do not feel they have the power to fight back and are not allowed to communicate their feelings to you. Embarrassing your child only results in your child not wanting to be seen with you. Yes, there are exceptions to this rule. Maybe it is the best way to punish your child for something they did to embarrass you, but that would just have to depend on the circumstances.

8. Tell secrets. If your child comes to you in confidence with something they did not intend to share, it is a cop-out to pretend you did not know when you knew very well that most likely that child needed that kept between the two of you. If you truly did not know, it's one thing, but at least refrain from using this as an excuse to be a blabber. Sometimes things change between the time the child has told you and the time you feel compelled to blurt. This can cause even further complications.

9. Share their private quirks. Maybe your child does something at home that is definitely not something to bring up in public or even with the grandparents. Exercise the same restraint you would want your child to exercise with our embarrassing personal habits.

10. Crowd your child. If you hover, it can be heart-breaking to your child. Children need their space sometimes, too. They need privacy and time with their friends when mom (or Dad) is not constantly butting in to boss them around and tell them how to do something differently. Please allow your child the space to be a child. They need to work out differences among friends their way. They need to learn by experience. They need the chance to be themselves without feeling like they are constantly under the parental microscope.

No one said parenting is easy! It can be quite challenging, but the parent who is open-minded and willing to compromise can be a valuable asset towards a healthy relationship with a child.