Ten Ways to Reward Your Tween During an Important Time of Development

Ten ways to reward your tween: A challenge for any parent to be sure, especially if you want the "reward" to have some value of its own and not be mere "fluff." Speaking as a parent who has been through the tween years. The number one reward is an allowance. Children at this age are beginning to understand the need for money, especially if you are a conscientious parent and do not mindlessly buy them every thing their little hearts desire. Of course, you also cannot just hand them a weekly allowance without there being some value to it beyond them grabbing mere buying power. Tie their allowance to chores.

At this age kids are old enough to begin helping out around the house and, much more importantly, they are old enough to learn the value of a good work ethic. Tie their allowance to this. If they get a weekly allowance of, say $10, and one of their chores is taking out the trash it is very easy to do. Knock off some cash for each time they "forget" to take out the trash. Let them know about it on "payday" when they only get $6 instead of $10, "remember the three days you forgot about the trash?" Stick to it too, you are not being cruel to your child by doing this, you are teaching them a valuable life lesson. This is what an employer is going to do one day if they do not learn now.

You may also set "prizes." If they want to go to the local amusement park next summer, tie that to their school grades. "If you want tickets then you must keep a grade level of X." Do not be unreasonable here, if your child is a "C" student in math then do not hold them to an "A" standard. At the same time DO challenge them. If they are a "C" student by nature do not set the standard lower than "C," you might even try a "B-" standard.

Unexpected prizes, or "bonuses," are another good reward. If your child has done something really good then surprise them with a movie or a shopping trip out of the blue. Make sure you let them know what it is for so you can reinforce their good effort.

Having a tween work toward a reward they want is good also. Your son wants a new bike. Do not just give it to him, tell him how much it costs and let him do odd jobs until he earns enough for it. You may even make a "matching funds" arraignment where you will match him dollar for dollar until enough is earned for the bike. There is more value to something the child feels they have EARNED. It will be a source of pride.

Obviously you can also "reward" them by allowing them to do something of their choosing. Be it having friends over for a sleepover or going to a movie, just so long as you let them know this is an "extra" as a reward for doing something good. At the same time you are letting them know that such "extras" will not happen if they fail to do a good job. Just keep what they "choose" within the bounds of reason for what you are rewarding.

This leads you to a variation of the "earning a reward" idea. If your tween chooses a reward which is way above what they have done actually merits, then tell them so. Then tell them what else you think would be enough to get them that reward. A little bargaining may be in order here but the important thing is that they learn value for their effort.

Rewarding your child with trust is a biggy at this age. You begin to show them that you trust them to do things on their own. Obviously you will reinforce the positives and work on the negatives here. It was a big deal to me, at 12, when I was left home alone for the first time without someone to watch over me (even if it was only for ½ hour). I was trusted to take care of myself (and not to burn the house down).

Also, beginning to speak to your child as an adult. This sounds simple but, if you think about it, you probably have not done so until now, not really, not in conversation. A child will recognize this change and will respond to it.

A good point of this age is that kids should begin to understand simple satisfaction, this is the "reward" of simply knowing you did the right thing. This a parent should always reinforce with praise and affirmation. Let your child know you are proud of the good job they have done even if they are not getting a physical reward for it. A child reaching the point where the simple satisfaction of a job well done, for the right reason is a major milestone.

And, speaking of "milestones," a serious reward for a child at this age is a bit of ceremony. This is particularly good if you have several children but it will work if you only have one. Do something special to mark key events in your child's life, such as turning 13 and becoming a "teen," or entering middle school. At this event you, the parent, acknowledge what your child does RIGHT, do not concentrate on what they do wrong. Make the ceremony something they will look forward to for years and something they will remember for a lifetime.

The tween years are a big transition for kids. In about three years they go from "children" to "young adults" and they need to learn a whole new way of thinking about things. You, the parent, are they key to how they will look at the rest of their lives. Think about what you do now.