Ten Ways for Teens to Cope with Negative Emotions

Unfortunately, there are parents who think their children should feel no pressure because they have not yet entered the "real" world. Parents have to realize that the pressure is still there, just in different ways than in the adult world. We parents must be able to respect that our youth have a right to their emotions, the emotions are very real, and if the emotions are important enough to cause upset then we must teach how to deal with them safely and effectively. It's simply not fair or constructive to say, "Just don't think about it" or "I forbid you to feel that way".

To us, the problems of a teen may seem silly or overly dramatized. But to our youth, the problems can be overwhelming and confusing. If we don't guide our children, it is proven that someone else will. Do we really want that? Yes, some parents do because they haven't learned how to cope well themselves or feel they are just too busy to deal with the issues of someone else, even if that someone is their own child. But helping our children cope with problems can also teach us how to cope better with our adult problems.

My own teen years were full of turbulence. My emotions were like a rollercoast terror ride. I never knew what to expect out of myself. I couldn't express myself well to others. Now I have a teenage daughter and am learning to look at the situation through her eyes. It brings back some unhappy memories I had hoped to avoid. It brings back fear, but on a new level. Now it is her safety and well-being that concerns me instead of my own.

This is one example of how we can turn a negative into a positive. Sure, we parents went through bad things ourselves as children. No, it is not pleasant to have to drag up those experiences again even if it is to help someone else. However, doing so is one way to heal and to grow from the experiences. You can win the battle of having them haunt you by using them to your benefit and take back the power they have over you. You win; your child wins.

After a recent scare with my daughter, which brought up such negative memories of my own, I had her do something my own parents did not think of doing with me. She was to submit to me a list of 10 ways to deal with negative emotions. I took her list and thought of a few ideas myself. Some of them may seem silly or ineffective, but they can be substituted. Here is our revised list, which I truly hope can help others find healthy alternatives to coping:

1. Draw (Even if you are drawing something dark because of your dark emotions inside, it is better than taking an unhealthy approach to venting.)
2. Write (Writing is a form of self-expression. It also has health benefits because you can write something, set it aside, go back and look at it later, and find a new perspective on the situation. You may be surprised how well this can help you see things more clearly.)
3. Paint (You can paint in many ways and on many different safe and acceptable surfaces. You don't have to just paint a picture. Even if you are not artistic, you may find ways you can paint that don't require you to create a picture.)
4. Exercise (Exercise can help clear the mind because our mind needs distractions and fresh oxygen. It also helps us have a healthy way to express our frustration.)
5. Walk (Taking a walk helps us get away from the atmosphere in which we are experiencing the negative emotion.)
6. Call a friend or family member and either vent or talk about something totally different to give your mind a relief from the topic causing the problem.
7. Get a punching bag to hit or use something safe and acceptable as a substitute.
8. Stomp some bubble wrap.
9. Rip up a cardboard box. (They can often be found in dumpsters behind stores. They're free. You can save the packaging from boxes you get in the mail for future sessions. Keep a few handy. Just remember to clean up your mess afterwards.)
10. Sing. (Most teens enjoy music. Singing is a form of expression. Even if you have to sing in your pillow to keep from disturbing someone else, it is a positive form of relief from your frustrations.)

Remember, the key words here are: positive, respect, safe, effective. Good luck!