Ten New Year's Resolutions for Passions Fans

For all who survived the move of Passions to Direct TV, the stress of being a Passions fan is far from over. Between over-drawn-out plot lines and numerous rumors that this is the last season... one can only hope for a peaceful year. You won't find rest in Harmony, and the show would be boring if you did, but you can rest knowing you have made some positive self changes when it comes to being a fan of Passions.

(10)Starting at the bottom of the list we must accept the unacceptable. There is always time for a twist down the road... but right now Little Jonathon is definitely Gwen and Ethan's son. If he turns out to be the child of Jessica (wherever she is) then that will happen later on. This liver transplant plot can be milked for a good 2 or 3 months anyway.

(9)Take advantage of the fact there will always be a mysterious person on the show. Gather all of your other Passions obsessed friends into a group and get a pool going about the identity of the mystery person. (Success story: Your truly won $10 over Chad's mysterious affair being with a man, and an additional $5 that this secret lover was also the blackmailer.) Though it sounds abnormal to make a new year's resolution that you will gamble... as long as you are not at risk for having a gambling addiction it should be safe. It's all fun and games, and if it isn't then you should just ignore this resolution and move on.

(8)In addition to New Year's Resolution # 9, spoilers will be excluded. There is a difference between trying to figure out who the mysterious person is (currently who is killing Esme's boyfriends... could it be her niece?) and trying to find out who it is before it is revealed. If you are participating in a pool, searching for spoilers is automatic disqualification. Forget about that though. You are cheating yourself out of the surprise!

(7)Just in case you have ever compared a relationship of yours to one on the show... you should really sit back and think about it in 2008. Unlike the 'Ross and Rachel' relationship on Friends, there is no sense in trying to find anything in Passions that can be compared to your life. Unless, of course, your life happens to include a pregnant hermaphodite and a witty witch.

(6)No matter how frustrating it was, for some, that Passions moved exclusively to Direct TV, those of you who currently have (or already had) Direct TV already have reason to be thankful. However, there is something else to be thankful about with this change. Now, in case you can't watch the show at 2, it will be on again at 7. If, for some reason, you miss that one as well (holidays are so awful when there is a show you don't want to miss!) then you will have a 3rd chance on Saturday. Yes, it sucks that Passions is no longer on Fridays, but the extra shows make up for it.

(5)Once again dealing with the rumor that this might be the last season, resolve to prepare yourself for that possibility. In fact, make plans now. What will you do from 2 to 3 once Passions is no longer on the air. Let's face it, sooner or later this show will come to an end.

(4)Make your life much easier now by saying this out loud: "I, (state your name), will not fall for any more of those darn dream sequences!"

(3)Some of us are given beauty (the skin deep kind) and some of us are not. You may see that Pretty is actually very pretty, and that her scar is... well... everybody is over exaggerating. Resolve to stop getting so frustrated over this weak point in the show and remember that a pregnant hermaphodite is just as realistic as the fact that Pretty is a 'monster'. Resolve to leave out any common sense when watching Passions, and to remember that it isn't real anyways so it really doesn't matter.

(2)This may fit you, this may not fit you. One of my New Year's Resolutions for 2008, as a Passions fan, is to stop yelling at the TV. I am also a Giants fan, yet I still do more TV yelling during Passions than any of our games lately... and I realize it is ridiculous. They can't hear you, and even if they could they would just tell you to sit down and be quiet.

(1)Finally, the number one resolution for all Passions fans. You may have seen it coming, but it deals with Theresa, Ethan, and Little Ethan. Join me in this vow that if she hasn't spilled the beans by next Christmas, your 2009 resolutions will include no longer caring about this secret that needs to come out.

I hope some of you readers will find a resolution or two in this list that will help you become a better person, or... if nothing else... keep your sanity. (There is no need to make any resolutions about the temptation to sing along when the opening song comes on. It's a beautiful song, there's nothing wrong with wanting to particiapte!)