Ten New Year's Resolutions for Sacha Baron Cohen

I know you've made a ton of money but you've also made a ton of enemies. Don't you think it's time to think about what you did in '06 and try not to do them in '07. Look, the least you can do is not offend the Gypsies anymore. Here are ten resolutions for you or whoever you are nowadays.

1) Change Borat's nationality. Did he really have to come from Kazakhstan? Couldn't you have made up a country like Bamboozia or Unkadoristan? It worked for other comics in the past and got them laughs. It could work for you. Really. As your fellow Cambridge alums would say, "It's not in good form." The Kazakhs have suffered enough without you portraying them as horse urine drinking, women caging rapists who hate Jews and homosexuals. Next time put that supposedly brilliant mind of yours to good use and come up with a real land of make believe.

2) Think twice about using those Romanian villagers. You paid them way under scale (three bucks? Where's SAG when you need them?) to appear in your multimillion dollar movie. Shame on you, Sacha! Resolve to put at least a million dollars in building even a movie theater for their village as opposed to exploiting them. They deserve better treatment than what you've given them.

3) Don't use drunken frat boys in any of your works ! Ever! They're young , they're drunk , they're going to say anything. You 've ruined their futures by letting them spout off racial and religious slurs in the Borat film.. In the future hire Elijah Wood or Ashton Kuchter for those roles.

4) Give more time to Ali G. Forget .Borat and this Bruno character you're currently filming . Let the homeboy from Staines star in a better movie than Ali G Indahouse. Ugh, that was painful to watch. Let Mr. G go across country, visiting and interviewing politicians like he did on his show.

5) Hang out more with that Isla Fisher chick. You make a nice couple. Besides don't you two have a wedding to plan? Shouldn't you be helping her pick out ice sculptures or something? Be a good fiancé and stay by her side during this crucial time.

6) Try new characters. Surely there are other stereotypes you can make fun of . Look at your fellow Brit comedians. Benny Hill certainly wasn't just a one note. Neither were the boys from Python. Develop someone new.

7) Resolve to be less cutting edge. Yes, it's outrageous to wash your face in toilets and show your manhood in public but enough already.

8) Go out in public as yourself - not as Borat - to promote the movie. This only is cute when Barry Humprhies does this as Dame Edna. His character is endearing and cute. Yours isn't.

9) Don't deliberately bring out the worst in people. You've portrayed us Yanks as stupid right wing, homophobic, anti Semitic boors. Some of us are intelligent liberals, bent on making the planet a better place to live. How come you never interview us?

10) Best resolution yet - try drama. You know, that serious acting stuff worked for Bill Murray and Chevy Chase. Look, you've got a killer British accent, dark, romantic good looks , and a sharp sense of humor. I'm thinking, Baron, Sacha Cohen Baron, the next 007. Besides you get to work with Dame Judi Dench and all those hot babes.

Well, that's it, Mr. Cohen. Let's see if you log onto Associated Content and read this. I guess I'll find out when you make a drama about a sensitive guy from some make believe country.