Ten New Years' Resolutions Suggestions for Michael Richards

For the last week or so everyone's been talking about Michael Richards, which sets this time period apart from pretty much every day since "Seinfeld" ended. But 2007 is coming and the time for healing (or something) has begun. Here, by what passes for popular demand, are ten good ideas for Michael Richards for his New Years' resolutions. Share it with someone you love today.

(10) Apologize. Specifically, to that monkey you insulted. You shouldn't upset the very important monkey... oh wait, that was an episode of "Seinfeld", the popular 1990s sitcom in which you played the role of Cosmo Kramer. Sometimes it's hard for me to separate the two.

(9) Talk to Jerry Seinfeld and make some amends for all the wacky schemes you got him into. Like that awkward night on the Letterman show helping you with your scandal. Or the time you made him sleep in your room when the big red neon sign was keeping you awake... wait, that was "Seinfeld". Gosh, some great memories from that whole run.

(8) Seriously, wasn't "Seinfeld" a great show?

(7) Grow the hair out. Now, you tried something different, and we admire your spunk, but the close-cropped thing isn't workin' for ya.

(6) Look for some ways to get back in the public eye. A career is a thing you gotta stoke the fires on, y'know? Maybe see if there's some way you can get all the attention back on you. I bet you can think of somethin'.

(5) Feel people's pain. It worked for Clinton.

(4) Mel Gibson's been good to you. Resolve to do something nice for him. Maybe you can be in one of his movies for scale pay. Do you speak any ancient languages? You could learn some through adult education.

(3) Do you still talk to Jason Alexander?... What's he been up to?

(2) Work on that racism thing. Now, you're making super progress, but it being the season, no reason we can't open our hearts just a little wider.

(1) Clean out the garage. Seriously, everyone's garage gets a little cluttered. I bet there's a rake or something you don't need.

But maybe keep the pitchforks to yourself.