Tense Dreams

"Is, am, are, was, were!"

Nathan woke up to the sounds of Aaron talking in his sleep. Just as he was falling back asleep, Aaron started talking again.

"Is, am, are, was, were!"

Nathan hopped down out of his bunk and shook Aaron awake.

Aaron's eyes popped open and, confused, he looked at Nathan.

"Wh - wh - where am I?"

"It's okay, Little Buddy," said Nathan. "You were just having a tense dream."

At that moment, Nathan's watch phone rang.

"Who could be calling me this early in the morning?" pondered Nathan.

"Nath', you know only one person has your super secret watch phone number," replied Aaron.

"Right, Little Buddy, I know that. But I thought Bernie was on a fishing trip up north."

"Oh that's right. He was going up to Alaska or something, wasn't he?"

"Yep, I think he had his heart set on some good salmon fishing."

"Salmon? Oh, I thought he was just going for the halibut. Anyways, answer the phone, Bro."

Nathan did just that.

"Yo Bernie, what's up?"

"What's up?" replied the voice at the other end. "What's up? You're asking me what's up?"

"Well, uh, er" wondered Nathan. "I mean, why are you calling at 2am in the morning?"

"2am? But it's light outside and ... oh yeah, wait, I'm in Alaska where the summer sun never sets. Sorry, I was thinking it must be 8 or 9 o'clock in the morning. Did I wake you?"

"Naw, I had to get up to answer the phone anyway," chuckled Nathan. "Well really, I woke up when Aaron was talking in his sleep. He was repeating 'is, am, are, was, were' over and over again."

"Oh, one of those tense dreams."

"Exactly. Anyway Bernie, what's up?"

"Oh, I just thought I'd call for the halibut."

"The halibut?"

"You know, the fishing. It's been pretty good here. I even met this cute little fishing guide."

"Really?" said Nathan.

"Really," said Bernie. She's the queen of salmon fishing guides. Her name is Ella. They call her Salmon Ella."

There was a pause. Nathan wasn't sure if Bernie was serious or joking ... or if the fishing guide who told Bernie her name was serious or joking.

"I see," said Nathan, hesitantly.

"I'm joking! I'm joking!" said Bernie.

"Oh, I thought you were," said Nathan.

"She's not really a queen. You can't really be a queen here in the United States. And last I checked Alaska was still part of the United States. But she's a really good fishing guide."

"So how's the fishing, Bernie?" inquired Nathan.

"Oh the fishing's pretty good," replied Bernie, "But I haven't been spending a lot of time with my line in the water lately. I've been looking for Vladimir Horowitzky."

"Who?"

"Vladimir Horowitzky. The locals says he's this guy who lives way up practically at the top of the planet."

"Interesting," said Nathan, wondering when he'd be able to go back to sleep.

"Yeah, he's supposedly really well known and fondly thought of around here. They say he has a really magnetic personality. But I've searched and searched and haven't been able to find him."

"Magnetic personality?" said Nathan, slowly.

"Yes, that's right," said Bernie. "I've spent days driving my dogsled team around this area up here, but I haven't seen him. And I was wondering if ..."

"I know, I know," said Nathan. "You were wondering if we could hop into Red 15 and come up and help you find this missing Vladimir Horowitzky."

"Exactly. Bingo. You got it, Big Buddy."

"Bernie," said Nathan diplomatically.

"I'll be expecting you in about an hour, and ..." said Bernie.

"Bernie," said Nathan, again.

"I'll pick you up at the airport and ..." continued Bernie.

"Bernie," said Nathan, slowly.

"And then I'll treat you to an elk dinner with snow cones for dessert, and ..." continued Bernie.

"Bernie!" said Nathan sharply.

"What is it, Nathan?"

"Bernie, has it occurred to you that the locals are pulling your leg?"

"Why, there's no one here right now. They do have a firm handshake up here, but no one's touched my legs."

"They're kidding you, Bernie."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

"How do you know that?"

"Bernie, where did they say Vladimir Horowitzky is from?"

"Well, they said Poland."

"Did they really say that? Or did they just say he was the 'North Pole'?"

"Why ... uh ..."

"Bernie?"

The phone was silent for a moment. Then a voice meekly uttered, "What?"

"It's okay Bernie. We're all recipients of practical jokes once in a while. That just means that people like us."

"It does?"

"Well, not really, but if you think of it like that then you'll feel better about the whole thing."

"I suppose you're right."

"Now I'm going back to bed. I suggest you get some sleep too."

"Naw, I'm going to go out."

"For the salmon?"

"Nope, just for the halibut."

"Good night, Bernie."

The phone clicked.

Nathan crawled back into his bunk. "Good night Little Buddy," he said.

"Good night, Big Buddy," came the voice from below. "Good job solving the case. Do we get paid for this one?"

"Naw, I don't think so. Our author needs to come up with something a little more creative."

Aaron and Nathan both looked at the camera.

"Come one Dad, get busy," they said in unison.

And they fell asleep to the sounds of their father snoring in the room across the hall.