Terminate Marriage Arrangement! Abort! Abort! Abort!

"Houston, we've had a problem."
"This is Houston! Say again please!
"Houston we've had a problem. We've had a main B bus undervolt."

When John Swigert, James Lovell and Fred Haise discovered a drop in power in one of the two main power distribution panels on the US Apollo 13 moon flight, they must have realized the life-threatening danger that they were facing. An explosion caused by a fault in an oxygen tank resulted in a loss of electrical power and oxygen in the spacecraft. The fact that half the systems in the spacecraft were not working meant that the lives of the crew were in serious danger. They were fortunate to return safely to earth, but the mission had failed.

Who did they blame: the system; the designer and maker of the system; or the unforeseen circumstances? In the case of Apollo 13, the mission had an oxygen tank failure due to a combination of problems. Each problem on its own was not critical. But the combination led to the eventual explosion.

People who are married - or plan to be married - need to realize how important the commitment of marriage is. A marriage arrangement isn't a voyage of honeymoon and roses. In effect the only thing that terminates the arrangement, according to the vows, is death.

But when things go wrong, who is to blame: the husband; the wife or the individual problems that, when combined, contribute to unhappiness?

There is no perfect marriage. Once people start realizing this as a fundamental truth, they might stop fantasizing about a fairytale wonderland after the "I do's" and concentrate on the long term promise of staying together "until death" parts them.

Any long-term commitment should be taken seriously. Apollo 13 wasn't on a trip where a simple u-turn along the way could liberate the people on board.

Yet, statistics prove many marriages to be unhappy and unsuccessful. Why? Romance, infatuation and sex seem to be amazing stumbling blocks for couples. They build their foundation on these sandy grounds. People expect more than what the marriage arrangement can give them and when they eventually realize their dreams are weightless and worthless, they want out. Some will even deign to acknowledge "I thought I knew him/her!"

Love can be fraudulent. Who was the first person to say "love is blind ..."? Or does that saying come from the myth of Cupid being blind? Whatever the case may be, love indeed can be misleading if only the heart is involved.

If marriage is imperfect and more than the heart needs to be involved, the conclusion to make is that every long-term relationship requires selfless effort.

Building a relationship on a solid foundation should be based on love. A marriage should never be built on financial security or a highly esteemed position. People should earnestly get to know each other, which takes time and effort. They need to learn to understand each other's differences which sprout from personality, background, status, religion, culture, way of life, and many other sources. They also need to accept and respect each other.

In time couples will find themselves bridging these differences with love and wisdom. And like everything that exists, maintenance must be done on a thorough and regular basis.

When two people support each other without an egocentric agenda or defiance, they learn to live and let live. Consideration will ward off frustration and the feeling of being unloved.

The men contacted Houston and reported their problem. Communication lines were open so that the problem could be addressed. Houston wasn't impatient, upset or too busy to look into the matter.

The men in Apollo 13 had to use the lunar module as a lifeboat. This would buy time for four days. But they were running out of fuel and oxygen and needed to evaluate their options seriously. With the help from the Houston base and the ability to communicate with each other, a solution was found to keep the men and their spacecraft in tact until they could land safely and live to tell their story.

The whole world was watching with bated breath to see if the astronauts would return safely. They were unaware of the international attention because they were too focused on what they were doing to save the spacecraft.

Couples should be able to do the same.

1. Communicate - even if it means getting help from professionals who know what to advise (like marriage counselors ... call them 'Houston' if you must!)

2. Work hard to find the root of the problem and a solution.

3. Evaluate all the options seriously before opting for divorce.

4. Focus on your relationship and ignore the attention from colleagues, friends and family. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but you don't need any imperfect opinions from outside the relationship.

The stress after marriage is much greater than before marriage. But remembering the power of love and the strength of a well-founded relationship, will bridge all imperfections and cope with many stumbling blocks for years to come.

And as most optimists say: where there's a will ...