Terrible Two's or Terrific Two's?

Parents are often warned about the terrible two's but they don't have to be as bad as they sound. With a little creativity, the terrible two's can turn into the terrific two's. Go from tears, meltdowns, and tantrums to giggles, smiles, and toddler fun by using some tried and true tricks from a mom who's been there. Still not sure it's possible? Keep in mind that I've personally gotten four children though this stage with my own sanity relatively intact.

One of the keys to dealing with a toddler is understanding how their minds work. At this age they often know more than they can verbalize and have a desire to do things they aren't yet physically capable of. This can cause a great deal of frustration. Just imagine how you would feel if you woke up tomorrow morning and found yourself alone in a foreign country and only three feet tall. The world would suddenly turn into a pretty big place that you couldn't easily maneuver about.. Sitting down on your couch would now be the equivalent of climbing up a nearly four foot wall. And if that wasn't hard enough, you wouldn't be able to tell those around you whether you wanted coffee and eggs or tea and cereal. You would just have to accept whatever you were given whether you wanted it or not.. That is what it feels like to be two. It's no wonder two years olds have meltdowns and tantrums. Making their world a little easier to deal with is the best way a parent can minimize the meltdowns so there is more time to enjoy this precious year that will go by all too fast.

Parents often find that one of the most challenging times is mealtime. Toddlers are notorious for being picky eaters, playing with their food, and having peculiar food choices. Sometimes they will refuse food altogether. Making mealtime go more smoothly is sometimes a matter of learning to just go with the flow and think like a two year old. If your toddler is refusing vegetables, try a vegetable juice, explore new varieties, and if all else fails dice or puree them and hide them in other foods. You can hide just about any vegetable in a toddler favorite, spaghetti. You can even try whole wheat pasta to up the health factor. There is no solution to keep them from playing with their food at this age. It just looks like too much fun You can minimize the mess though. A plastic mat under their chair is the first place to start. Anything that makes it to the floor will at least not end up ground into the carpet. Many parents will skip plates and bowls completely whenever possible. If you don't absolutely have to put the food on a plate don't bother, it will just give your toddler one more thing to drop or throw. Avoid foods that require a lot of skill with utensils to eat. If it won't stay on their fork easily they are more likely to get frustrated and use their hands. And lastly learn to close your eyes. Well not literally of course but toddlers love to see reactions. If crumbled toast and flung peas cause a reaction from you, your toddler is more likely to do it again. If there is no reaction, they will get bored and move on to something else. That's not to say they shouldn't be corrected. Simply removing the offending food and saying "no throwing" is usually enough for them to get the point that it is unacceptable without causing tears. Peculiar eaters are a fun bunch to deal with but basically if you have time to give into their desires and there is nothing unhealthy about their choices, it's not a battle worth fighting. If they only want cereal for dinner, don't look at it as a breakfast only food, just think of it as a serving of grain, a serving of dairy and maybe if you're lucky a serving of fruit. If you keep healthy food choices available to them there is no need to worry about what time of day they eat them or in what combinations. This will allow them to feel in control without you giving up control yourself.

Another common challenge when you have a child this age is outings. Between the supermarket meltdowns, the boredom induced hyperactivity, and the whining, it's amazing parents leave the house at all. Children this age can't always help it though. They need to feel in control of things too. After a day or even just a few hours of going on one hurried errand after another that they find boring, they are bound to not be on their best behavior. Try to schedule errands so that they occur only when your child is well rested and fed. Also try not to schedule too many in one day. If you do have a very busy day that can not be avoided try to work in a few fun breaks in between things. Five minutes of playing between errands can refresh a toddler and help them tolerate the craziness. Stock your vehicle with things to keep them busy and things that can be toted around easily. While crayons seem like a good choice, they really aren't. A toddler will drop them out of reach quite often and melted crayon is not easily to get out of upholstery. Take some board books, magnetic doodle pads, and stuffed animals or dolls instead. Just don't take their favorite "lovey", if it got lost while doing errands you would end up with a much larger bedtime meltdown. Also maximize your car time. So many parents multi task these days by using their travel time as a way to make hands free phone calls, listen to books on Cd's or listen to news reports on the radio. That's all fine when your alone but if your child is in the car, make them your only priority. They may not always make for exciting conversation but that time together is priceless. Sing songs, tell them a story, anything to distract them and keep them in a good mood.

If you have other children at home, whether it's an older sibling or a new baby, you will probably run into sibling rivalry. Even though this will occur at any age, it's especially difficult with a two year old. They can't always express what's really bothering them so tantrums are much more common. If your problems revolve around new baby jealousies, block out special time for your toddler. You may feel compelled to catch up on housework or get a jump on dinner while the baby naps but instead spend that time one on one with your toddler. They will be reassured that they are still important to you and will be less likely to get demanding when you need to be with the baby later. If you absolutely must get some things done, find ways to involve them. A toddler can become a great helper if given the chance. It can also be learning experience for them. Have them match socks and they will be getting a lesson in colors. Count toys as they go in the toy box. Give them a pot and a spoon to play with while you cook dinner and they can explore music and rhythm. Another way to ease the jealousy is by frequently involving them in the care of the baby. They will feel proud when you praise them for being a good big sibling. This is also a good time to begin play dates with other children their age. The focus will be on them rather than on the new baby. If your toddler is the baby of the family you will run into another form of sibling rivalry. This is when your toddler is frustrated by all the things the big kids can do. They will often try and be upset when they don't succeed. The easiest way to help them overcome this is by enlisting the older children. If you can get them to take the time to teach your toddler or do more toddler friendly activities, your toddler will feel less lost in an otherwise big world. This will go a long way in helping keep them happy.

If your toddler is an only child you may feel that you spend all of your time trying to entertain them and keep them happy. In truth that's exactly what you need to do. But that doesn't mean you need to spend all of your time playing with play dough and finger paints. A toddler just wants your attention and they aren't too particular about how you give it to them. If you can involve them in your everyday activities they will be happy just because you're spending time with them. A lot of meltdowns occur when a toddler is simply bored. This is a great time to take up a new exercise routine. Toddlers love to move their bodies and dance around. They will probably think you are playing with them and being silly. Other perfect activities to keep your toddler entertained while getting your work done are any that involve moving, laughing, and making lots of noise.

Another common reason for toddler meltdowns is often caused by feeling out of sorts. This is when they feel out of control and don't know what to expect next. Routines are extremely important to keeping a toddler happy. Toddlers have a difficult time switching from one activity to another suddenly but if they are expecting it, it becomes much easier. Keep a routine for all of the important parts of the day and try to stick with it as closely as possible. Things like meals, toy clean up, baths, naps and bedtime should be predictable. Other things like playtime, one on one time and errands should be kept flexible so that you and more importantly your toddler never feel rushed. Feeling rushed and confused will case a tantrum or meltdown faster than a broken cookie or lost shoe.

Other common causes for toddler troubles can usually be solved using distraction. Toddlers still have short enough attention spans that a little redirection will almost always make them forget all about whatever the problem was in the first place. If there is a squabble over a toy that isn't being shared instead of trying to make the child share just change activities altogether. When you need to leave the house, the playground, or the toy store, just do it matter of factly and immediately tell them about your next destination. And when all else fails make them laugh. A toddler would rather be happy than involved in a tantrum. Make a silly face, a funny noise, give them a piggy back ride, anything that will get them shrieking in delight.

If most of your toddler's meltdowns caused by communication problems it's time to simplify the way you talk to each other. While it's tempting to use whole sentences to help boost your child's vocabulary it may actually be making it even harder for them to understand and communicate with you. Feel free to use whole sentences while talking and telling stories but if you need to know what they want it can be better to keep it simple. Also avoid open ended questions and too many choices. "Red shirt or blue shirt?" will be much more effective than "What shirt do you want to wear?" while standing in front of an open closet. Simply stating "Get shoes" will have much better results than " Go get your shoes out of the closet" A child at that age will have trouble sorting through all the different words in a whole sentence. When you tell them "It's time to pick up all your toys and put them in your toy box before dinner is ready", they will hear toys, toy box and dinner but will be unsure as to how they all relate to one another. When communicating with a toddler, think like a toddler. It will make communication easier for them and will be less likely to cause a miscommunication based meltdown.

The time you spend with your toddler will not always be easy. There will still be days when nothing goes as planned and they will throw a tantrum or have a meltdown no matter what you do. On those days all you can do is keep a positive attitude. See all the funny things that they do and let yourself laugh. Hug them when they cry. Be a toddler with them. Just take it one day at a time. All too soon the will officially be "preschoolers" and you'll miss the days of sloppy kisses and endless games of peekaboo. Two year olds are funny, lovable and sweet.. Remind yourself of all their positive qualities on the bad days and embrace their quirks on the good days. before you know it you will have turned the terrible two's into the terrific two's.