Test Drive Cars, Not Men

How many dates does it take for a man to expect more than a goodnight kiss? Three? Four? I know it is supposed to be different for every relationship, but is it really? I don't know. After speaking with several of my male friends on the subject, four out of five said that they will not continue to date a woman if they do not see a sexual relationship in the VERY near future. So, does this just mean that my friends are dogs? Or does it mean something more?

If my friends are representative of the male population, what does that mean for women like me? I am twenty-six years old and have only been intimate with one man (my ex-husband), and I did not go into that relationship lightly. And I must say, it was much easier being an eighteen year old virgin than a twenty-six year old who will not put out. My lack of experience does not bother me in the least. In fact, I have no intention of having sex again...until I am ready. And for me, being ready means being in love. Does that make me insane?

Do not get me wrong, I enjoy sex as much as the next person, but to me it is something very special and not something that I'm going to do with just anyone. I believe in test driving cars, not men. Some may say that I'm a prude, but that doesn't bother me. What I have trouble with is finding a man who is all right with that. And even if a man says that it is no big deal, it is hard to believe him. There is always a nagging fear that he will look for what he needs elsewhere while he waits for me to be "ready".

Knowing when to drop the "you're not getting laid any time soon" bomb is also tricky. Most guys just head for the door, which can do a real number on a person's self esteem. It makes you think, "I must not be a very interesting person if that is all he was waiting for." And when do you tell him? Do you tell him upfront or wait until you have been out a few times? Both options have advantages. Telling him upfront allows you to make yourself clear and see how he reacts. Then you can see his true motives. If he is just looking for sex, you won't waist your time or his. The downside to that is that you close yourself off an opportunity to know someone. Then there is the option of waiting until you have been out with him a few times. This gives you the opportunity to get to know each other, and perhaps he will be hooked and won't care. Then again, you risk getting emotionally invested in someone who could potentially walk away. That results in getting hurt.

Dating is hard enough without throwing sex into the equations, but it seems that in today's world, you can't date without having sex. For me, and other women like me, this is not a good thing. But it doesn't mean that we have to give up on the idea of love or give up on our standards. It only means that it will be harder to find love, but when we do, I think it will be worth the wait.