Testimony: Why I Admire My Mother

My mother and I are very close. I have a deep admiration for her, but there is one characteristic about her that puts her above all other moms. Anyone who has ever met or known my mom, knows she has an enduring commitment to her family.

In the past two years, my mom has been subjected to more hardships than a person should every go through in one lifetime. When her older brother's Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma returned, she was there for him everyday. Anytime he needed a ride to the V.A. hospital in Lexington, my mother took him. He was so sick the last couple of months he was alive. After he was permanently admitted to the hospital, mom stayed with him daily, making sure he got the care he needed. In his last couple of weeks, he couldn't speak, but my mom was there to be his voice.His death was difficult for her. They were as close as a brother and sister could be. When we lost my uncle, my grandmother became very depressed. Granny became more dependent on my mother, who has always dropped everything to tend to her. Within six months, granny's grieving over my uncle led to a decline in her health. As her dementia worsened, she demanded to be put in a nursing home in Manchester, her hometown. Mom did it. She expected mom to frequently visit her. Mom did it.

When granny's medication was changed, her dementia subsided and she allowed us to move her to a nursing home in Richmond. Since she was closer to us, granny demanded that mom visit her everyday. Mom did. Then she demanded that mom visit all day. Mom did.

Whenever I've questioned mom why she's always done what granny asked, mom always gives me the same serious answer: "I always did what mama told me to." At first, I thought this was one of those parent gimmicks to try and get me to mind her. Through my mom's actions, I saw that she was telling the truth.

In granny's last weeks, mom never left her side. Anything granny wanted or needed, mom made sure she got it. Mom and I knew granny's time wasn't long and we tried to make the most of our last days together.

Granny's funeral was hard to deal with. I tried to be the stronghold for mom while I battled with breaking down emotionally. Mom and I somehow made it through with God's help.

The story isn't over yet. In between the losses of two of our favorite relatives, mom almost suffered another loss: mine. I was going through a high-risk pregnancy due to Lupus, and by doctor's orders, was induced at thirty-eight weeks. Mom was by my side the whole time in the delivery room. Everything was going fine until the doctor realized that the baby was face up. Usually in these circumstances, an emergency cesarean is required, but it was too late for that. My pain medication had worn off and I honestly started praying to die. I didn't think there was any way possible this baby was going to come out.
In my pain-induced delirious state, there was one thing I remember most and that's looking up at my mom's face. The look in her eyes was sheer terror. I knew at that moment that I had to pull myself together and deliver that child. I remember thinking it had only been a couple of months since we lost my uncle. There was no way my mom could have tolerated the loss of her only child. By the grace of God, my son was born healthy and I made it through, but only because of my mom. If she hadn't been there for me, I wouldn't be here to write this right now.

Not only did my mom do all that in the last couple of years, but she did it while battling her own illnesses. Like me, she suffers from Lupus, a debilitating disease that makes you suffer from chronic fatigue. She also has achalaysia, a rare disease that causes her esophagus to close up. She's gone through countless procedures that stretch her esophagus just so she can eat. But most of the procedures don't help.

She's had to modify her diet. She can only eat certain things now. Food was one of her main joys in life. She never smoked or drank alcohol. When I asked her why she never tried those things, she said, "It's not right to do that stuff and I might have liked it. Since I haven't tried it, I don't know what I'm missing." So her love is for food. But now, she can't eat most of her favorite meals.

When she was taking care of our sick family, they always came first, no matter how sick or tired she felt. She never complained either. I could tell by the look on her face when her chest was hurting from lifting those wheelchairs. I could see how tired she was in her eyes. When I told her that she needed to take care of herself, too, she would firmly tell me: "If it's meant for me to die by taking care of my family, then that's how I'll go." I knew better than to argue with her.

My mom is an inspiration to me. She has shown me through her actions how a mother should be. A mother should always put her family first before everything else, even herself. That's what my mom has done.

I'll be thirty years old this year and I'm always realizing what a great mom she is and has been to me. Because of my mom, I could read at the tender age of five. Throughout my school years, I could count on her to bring me anything I had left at home. All my friends have said, "Mona is so cool." And it's not because she'd let us get away with stuff, oh no! It was because she cooked for them.

When I got pregnant at the age of sixteen, she didn't make me get married and she didn't make me have an abortion. She was there for me. She helped raise my daughter while I continued school. Without my mom, I would have never graduated high school with a 4.3 grade point average.

Now that she's not as healthy as she once was, I take her to her doctor appointments. When she needs something, I'm there for her. Some people say "I'm like my mother!" with resentment. I only hope that one day I can say it and it actually is true. There is no other person I'd rather confide in, have lunch with, or just drive around in the car with than my mother. She's my best friend and my heroine.