Texas Presidential Primary Primer

Normally, as the University of Texas' fight song has it, "The eyes of Texas are upon you." But now the eyes of the nation are upon Texas.

With an Old West-style political showdown shaping up between Democratic presidential contenders Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, the March 4 primary in the Lone Star State is beginning to look like the political equivalent of a "High Noon" remake. And somebody, oh my darlin', is going to be forsaken.

In the spirit of Texas' famous friendliness, here are 12 things all the reporters and political pundits descending on Texas from New York and other places where people don't use "y'all" as a collective need to know about our state:

1. Clinton began her Texas campaign in El Paso. But El Paso is not really part of Texas. Sure, the map says it is. But culturally, it may as well be in New Mexico. Or Old Mexico. It's 600 miles from El Paso to the state capital in Austin, and El Pasoans never let the rest of the state forget that.

2. Speaking of Austin. The Austin skyline shown when "Austin City Limits" airs every week on PBS is fake, a studio set. The real skyline of this booming city is changing so fast that viewers would be confused if the show used actual footage.

3. Texas has a Republican governor and helped send a Republican to the White House for eight years, but not everyone in Texas is an elephant. We have plenty of donkeys, as well. Not to mention Democrats.

4. The weather could be a factor in Texas on March 4. It could be snowing in Amarillo on election day, with thunderstorms in Central Texas and 90-degree weather in the Rio Grande Valley. Dress accordingly.

5. Not everyone in Texas wears a cowboy hat and boots. And not everyone who wears a cowboy hat and boots is a cowboy.

6. Three of the nation's 10 largest cities are in Texas: Houston, San Antonio and Dallas. Despite all the sophistication that brings, Texas still has only three basic food groups: Barbeque, chicken-fried steak and Mexican food.

7. The primary comes just two days after a state holiday celebrating Texas' declaration of independence from Mexico on March 2, 1836. By the way, that also was Sam Houston's birthday.

8. Oh, yeah, Houston. The nation's fourth largest city is named for ole Sam. Actually, Houston could be its own state. A lot of the time, it sure acts like it's independent from the rest of Texas.

9. Texas may be awash in oil, but don't expect cheap gas prices. Gas does cost less per gallon than it does in California, but riding a horse is a lot less expensive than wheeling around in a pickup truck.

10. Since 1959, Texas has been smaller than Alaska, but it's still bigger than France. In fact, Brewster County, where some of the scenes from "No Country For Old Men" were filmed, is bigger than several states.

11. The Texas Rangers are both a so-so baseball team and an elite law enforcement organization. But only one of these organizations carries guns. The latter of these outfits are periodically called on the make sure that only living people vote in elections.

12. Finally, the stereotypical Texan is as imaginary a creature as Big Foot. Just like the rest of the national, we're white, Latino, African-American, Vietnamese, Bosnian, you name it. The only thing we have in common is being Texans, and still pretty proud of it.