Thank You Wal-Mart Shoppers for the War on Terror

The United States' military has become mercenaries for Wal-Mart. Yeah, you heard that right. You people who trudge the aisles at Wal-Mart like a bunch of lobotomized zombies are funding the War on Terror.

I can picture the looks on your faces - Huh? So, let's look at that fun little shindig the military is running over in Iraq, which some (okay, maybe only lame duck President George W. Bush) called the leading edge on the War on Terror. Terror - who?

The Middle East is a nightmare of politics, both internally, and how the Islamo-fascists see the rest of the world is either as slaves, or dead. That's the Q'uran for ya, one cut up of a religio-political manifesto. Reads like a real yukfest, just like "Mein Kampf." And those boys over there in the middle east know how to hold a grudge, by golly. The Sunis have been shooting at the Shiites for about 1200 years, give or take a few, ever since some Shiite killed the grandson of that Mohammed guy.

So, anyway, one of the boys over there in the middle east, old Sadam Hussein (may he rest in pieces... I hope he found out that virgins are a myth), decided one day that it might be a good idea to threaten to send out a hit squad to kill an American President, George H.W. Bush. Man, did that ever piss off Junior. And besides, Sadam was in control of something Junior and his daddy and all of their friends in high places wanted - lots and lots of oil!

And damn it, Sadam was going to start selling it to the Chinese, if the UN officials stopped taking Sadam's bribes and kickbacks. Couldn't have that! Wouldn't be prudent!

So, China says to old GW, "Ya know, GW, if you guys will make sure Sadam doesn't do something stupid with that oil, and you can scare the bejeebers out of Iran so they'll sell us more oil, we'll help pay for the whole thing."

And China has, having purchased ONE TRILLION DOLLARS in US treasury bills during the course of the war. DING DING DING! Price tag of the Iraqi war - why, ONE TRILLION DOLLARS! (You've gotta picture Mike Myers as Doctor Evil while you're reading that, by the way - I did).

Now, here's the sneaky part. That mean old trade deficit you keep hearing about? Well, it's being run-up on credit. And the total trade deficit with China in the last 6 years (are you getting tired of this yet?) ONE TRILLION DOLLARS. And who BUYS most of China's junk and warehouses it all over America?

Wal-Mart.

So, Wal-Mart shoppers, I thank you SO much for financing the War on Terror. The rest of us appreciate it.