Thanksgiving Holiday Guide for the Blended Family

The holiday season is coming closer and closer with less than one hundred shopping days until Christmas! But before we get to Christmas, there's Halloween and Thanksgiving to get through. Halloween is generally no problem, get a costume, dress up, attend a party or two and take the kids to a safe Halloween alternative like the ones listed at Southern California Halloween Events for 2007. It's still a bit early for the 2008 ideas but some of the places listed will have celebrations again this year.

After the Halloween decorations and costumes are put away for the year, here comes Thanksgiving just three short weeks later. I love Thanksgiving, a holiday where traditionally family members all get together, eat large quantities of food (especially turkey and stuffing) and think thankful thoughts that the family IS together. But what happens to Thanksgiving when blended families get together?

Blended families are becoming more and more common as divorced parents re-marry and add her children plus his children for one big family. That adds new in-laws from each side plus the ex-spouses and suddenly the family is bursting at the seams!

When getting blended family members together under one roof for Thanksgiving, I strongly believe that planning for the event should take place well in advance. I recommend beginning the process before you even marry each other. Introduce your children; spend time together as a family before marriage. Find some sort of level of comfort among the core members of the blended family. I refer to the two adult members (one wife and husband) and any children they each have.

Once there is some level of comfort and agreeableness among the core of the blended family, then start inviting over the in-laws to introduce them into the blended family. Take turns inviting the in-laws since inviting both sides at the same time can be very stressful. Eventually I hope some level of comfort could be reached among the core members of the blended family and their respective in-laws.

When you are spending time with your in-laws, I suggest asking for stories about your new spouse when she/he was growing up and even asking to see old pictures. This is a good way to get to know each other better and the stories and old pictures can give you insights into family holiday get-togethers and any holiday traditions they may have. Show your interest in all the old stories even if you may not really be interested. This is your new family and I'm sorry to say, sometimes they are boring.

If you plan on having the Thanksgiving celebration at your house, talk to your in-laws and your own parents and ask them if they are interested in everyone getting together at your house before you tell everyone that you are having it at your house. I am a strong believer in asking what everyone wants to do for the holiday before I tell them what I want to do for the holiday. There have been quite a few times that this has saved me from really committing a familial blunder that would have caused a family war.

Find out what specific dishes that everyone wants to have for Thanksgiving and either make them yourself or have family members bring their favorite dishes. This way you will have plenty of food choices that will surely please everyone and their individual holiday beliefs and traditions. So what if you end up with six different sweet potato casseroles, Thanksgiving is a holiday known for its gastronomic excesses and its okay to indulge now and then. I will say though that it is a good idea to find out exactly how the different family members prepare their different dishes. There are people who won't eat anything but homemade stuffing with apples and walnuts in it and then there are people like me who only eat Stove Top brand stuffing! It doesn't seem like something that would cause a family fight but believe me, it can and does. So if your mother likes Stove Top stuffing but your mother-in-law likes homemade skillet stuffing and your Great-Aunt Sue likes Stouffer brand stuffing that has been cooked inside the turkey, just do it. Have three or even ten different types of stuffing for Thanksgiving if you have too. Respect how everyone likes their different foods cooked. It will be extra work but it's worth it when you have done your very best to respect everyone's different holiday traditions.

Holidays are stressful, yes; I have gone home crying after holiday get-togethers and vowed never to attend another family function again as long as I live. And I keep that vow until the next holiday get-together. To be quite honest, if it weren't for my daughter, I probably would skip the stresses of the family get-together but love for my daughter and wanting her to be happy keep me attending Thanksgiving dinners or even hosting them. I even invite my ex-husband and his new wife so my daughter doesn't have to choose.

What do you do with the children for Thanksgiving? I say make it as easy as possible on yourself. Make sure the kids have a TV with a DVD player hooked up to it, along with a stack of new movies rented from Netflix or Blockbuster online. Make sure there is a Playstation or Nintendo Wii hooked up to the TV as well, along with a stack of new games rented from one of the game rental sites such as gamefly.com. I also recommend that each child has his/her own ipod full of their favorite songs. Yes, maybe it's the easy way out but if the kids are constantly underfoot, no matter what age they are, there are going to be huge problems and someone is going to get into a fight and then everyone ends up unhappy. Make sure the kids, regardless of their ages, have plenty to do to keep them happy. You can make them sit and eat with everyone when it is time for your Thanksgiving feast.

Having a blended family is not easy and holidays together can be very stressful but lay the foundation well ahead of time and forge a relationship that is real and meaningful. If that isn't possible, try for just being polite, no matter what is said or done. I also suggest getting family counseling at some point because sometimes we just need an impartial person who has no emotional investment in the family to see what may help the family to function as one truly blended family.

Resources:
ArticleClick. Blended Family Problems? 21 Ways Counseling Can Help.
CrisisCounseling.org. Parenting in Blended Families by Michael G. Conner Psy.D.
E Home Fellowship (EHF). Blended Family Problems.
Helpguide.org. Blending Families: A Guide for stepparents
The StepfamilyLife.com. Thanksgiving Stress-Busters by Dawn Miller.