Thanksgiving Memory: Doing it Alone

My most memorable Thanksgiving is not one of family members gathered around a grand table with a huge turkey, tons of side dishes and multiple flavors of pie. During the week leading up to Thanksgiving 2006, I was absolutely sure it would be the most depressing Thanksgiving I had ever had. By the end of the day, when all was said and done, it was probably the first Thanksgiving which I truly felt I had something to be thankful for.

Just a month prior to this particular Thanksgiving, my husband and I had separated. It was a terribly lonely period for me, filled with hatred, lies, betrayal and incredible sadness. While I was angry with him, I was also very depressed and mourning the loss of our relationship and of what could have been.

I was not in any mood to be thankful for anything. But I have two small children, who then were 4 and 2. Even though all I wanted to do was pull the blankets over my head and cry the day away, I had to make Thanksgiving special for my kids. It wasn't their fault our lives were in so much upheaval.

I declined the invitations from my family to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. I didn't feel like facing my sister's in-laws. I couldn't watch the happily married couples and listen to them give thanks for all their spouses do. There was no way I was going to make it through a Thanksgiving meal without bursting into tears, and I really didn't want an audience.

So, my children and I planned our own private Thanksgiving. We didn't have much money, so instead of a whole turkey, we settled for a smaller turkey breast. Instant mashed potatoes and gravy, we rounded out our meal with stuffing mix from a box, a can of corn and some cranberry sauce, all from the local food pantry. This was nothing like the Thanksgivings I had grown up with, and it made me feel guilty and incredibly angry that I couldn't provide the typical Thanksgiving feast for my children.

Instead of showing that to my children, I plastered a smile on my face and set the table. The kids had made turkey decorations by tracing their small hands while I was busy in the kitchen, and they used miles of scotch tape to hang their creations all over the dining room.

As we sat down to eat, my son asked me about Thanksgiving. He actually asked me a ton of questions about the holiday, so many I can't remember them all today. He is a very inquisitive little boy, so it was one question after the other. We began talking about what "being thankful" means and pretty soon, I realized I had so much to be thankful for.

I had a roof over my head and a table on which to serve our meager Thanksgiving meal. Our house was warm, my children were clothed and we weren't going hungry. But most importantly, I had two very special, beautiful and intelligent children who thought I was the best mom in the whole wide world.