That Hummer is Flipping You Off

It should piss off the average person when they see a Hummer on the road because the driver of that Hummer is flipping off the rest of us. Unconcerned by the gas prices everyone else pays so they can have their penis-enlarging toy which sucks gas like Jenna Jameson, they sit in traffic and drive on city streets as shamelessly as if they were driving a Geo Metro. The dinky-dicked, undaunted by the fact we have to pay up our rectum to repair roads often traveled by large cars, plow their weight and huge tires across public roads, damaging them. So self absorbed in their image, and consumed by their miniscule cockitute, they are callously uncaring about the fact that if they were to hit a small, older car the driver would certainly die. Small and flaccid couldn't care less about the air we breathe, he'll spew emissions unrelentingly. It should offend the most temperate of people when a Hummer is seen on the road. The Hummer driver is making profane gestures by driving that testament to genital minimalism.

Many people argue that a wee wee-wee should be allowed to drive any car they want as long as they can afford it. That would be fine if petroleum were a renewable resource but it is not. It also shows a lack of understanding of supply and demand. When the demand rises but the supply does not rise, the cost goes up. Every gallon one person uses takes away from the pot, making the cost more expensive. When Hummers, and other uselessly large cars and trucks for that matter, enter the picture, even on a small scale, they affect the cost of the resource they use the most of, gasoline.

The Hummer line's most fuel efficient vehicle gets a whopping 18 miles to the gallon, as reported by www.feuleconomy.gov. Every time a Hummer hits the road they are raising the demand side of the equation so greatly that there is no way for supply to keep up with the demand. Mr. Pinky-Winky's Hummer drives the cost of gas up for everyone because we all pool from the same non-renewable source. So while they are having fun running over their wives and children, we are paying more for it.

I would venture to guess, though it is unsubstantiated, that most of Midget Johnsons who drive Hummers favor low taxes and minimal government. We might be able to get one step closer to that goal if Mini-Members were responsible for their own costs, but we share those costs and there has to be a way to pay for the damage caused to roads and to the environment.

With each pound of vehicle, roads get more worn down. The increase in side of vehicles has made road repairs for more expensive. We pay for road repair through taxes, specifically how is different from state to state. The One Eyed Weasel Enlarger, or Hummer, causes far more damage to roads than a car of average size. Yet Oh-My-Stars-Is-That-a-Clitoris-Where-Your-Skin-Flute-Should-Be believes his taxes should be lower even though he drives the cost of upkeep of public infrastructure up.

The cost of air, water and ground pollution caused by Hummers will also be shared by all of us. The emissions coming off the back of the Penis Pump is astronomical by modern automobile standards. So while Tiny Tool may be able to afford the gas in his tank, he doesn't foot the bill for global climate change, the damage from storms, increased cancer rates, exposure to carcinogens, and ozone depletion. Ghirkin's unbelievably reckless behavior shows such little more concern for the people they share their planet with; those people might as well be cockroaches.

In the event of a crash with a smaller car, the Hummer will surely demolish the car. It is the automobile equivalent of having a motion-censored bazooka protecting property in a neighborhood with children. Imagine if you will the poor innocent little Camry just driving down the road, holding a mother, father and baby; it would be a new dish at IHOP, the Family Pancake. Mr. Hamster Dick believes his life is more important than everyone sharing the road with him. While I understand the need to survive, I don't understand the running-over of someone else.

When a Hummer rumbles the ground in the presence of those who are reasonable, they should take it upon themselves to show their displeasure because Sir Soft Schlong has his middle finger in the erect position, even if both hands are on the wheel. I give the evil eye, one as fearsome as their mothers and grandmothers gave them, and couple it with the fully extended, unbent, unwavering, little penis salute: a raised middle finger. Most look away in shame, fully aware my statement has captured their true essence; a self important ignoramus who needs to physically tower over people while displaying their wealth in an ostentatious showing of overall insecurity possible by a gasoline powered vehicle.