That Person You're Dating is Probably Married: How to Recognize the Warning Signs

Often we read or hear about men and women, who have met someone, fell madly in love, and became physically and emotionally involved with that person, only to discover that the person they trusted the most was married. There are always telling tale-warning signs when relationships are built on dishonesty. Do people conscientiously or unconscientiously ignore these signs? I was thinking about two instances that happened many years ago. Two women, one a relative and the other the daughter of a friend, were involved in relationships that were built on lies and deceit. I started to wonder, if these women ever hear their inner voices say: "something wasn't right" about the men with whom they were involved. I was younger back then and less wise, but I saw the warning signs when I first saw the men.

A relative of ours was engaged to a man who turned out to be married. The daughter of a friend was seeing a man for over a year; it was a long distance relationship. She was shocked to discover that her boyfriend was married and even had a young daughter. In both situations, there were warning signs about these men's mannerism that didn't sit well with me. Since I was distant from the couples and didn't spend that much time around them, the question as to whether the men were married or not never crossed my mind. After all, I wasn't involved with the men; I was on the outside looking in, and no one asked for my thoughts, and if they did, I would have kept my opinions to myself.

When our relative brought her fiancé to meet the family, my observations of him went into full mode. I can tell you he never became a part of the conversation. I said to myself, "this man is too quiet." Not that being non-talkative is a bad thing or suspicious looking, but you would have thought that a man who's about to get married wouldn't just sit there like a bump on a log; he would be participating in the family's conversations. I expected him to talk about himself and his family; how he and his fiancée met; what type of wedding they were planning, etc. A couple of months later, we got a call saying that the wedding was cancelled. The future bride got a call from the man's wife.

A friend of ours was always talking about her daughter's boyfriend, and how great he was and how he took care of her daughter, romantically and financially. They had met at a conference and took a liking to each other right on the spot. He had a good job and traveled a lot on business. He would come in on the weekends to spend quality time with her daughter. Her daughter had invited my mother and I to a party. Her boyfriend was there, but I can't remember if we were ever formally introduced to the man. He did come out once and quickly went back into the bedroom and was never seen again. I said to myself "what type of boyfriend is he?" The man doesn't even come out to socialize with the guests; is he hiding from someone? He is shy? All I knew was that he lived in another state, and she never went to visit him or set foot in his home. Of course, months latter, she found out he was married and had a daughter.

I know there were more warning signs in both relationships, but I only saw a couple; but didn't these women have any inkling that something wasn't right with these men based on the way they behaved? Were these women so madly in love that their sixth sense went out the window? Or maybe they did see the signs but didn't recognized or chose to ignore them completely, because they were afraid of being alone? I really couldn't answer these questions, since I was never in this type of situation. But the signs are always there when a person is playing a cruel game in a relationship.

People, who cheat on their spouses, always give themselves away, whether they realize it or not, and most often cheaters will avoid telling the person about their marital status because they want to maintain a back street relationship. In another words, everything is hidden and kept in the dark, from their spouses and from you. Whether you're man or woman, you can protect yourself by recognizing the following warning signs and facing them head on:

Warning Sign No. 1

The person who never invites you to their home will probably have the following excuses: she or he is sharing a room with several roommates who keep a clutter and dirty home. The person would be too embarrassed to invite you to their pad. The roommates are loud and obnoxious, and you would be uncomfortable around them. The person is probably married with children.

Warning Sign No. 2

The person can only see you during the week, usually one day a week, because he or she works long hours on the weekends. When the person gets home, he or she is just too tired to see you or go out with you on a date. Weekends are always reserved for the spouse and children.

Warning Sign No. 3

He or she will never take you out to a restaurant or accompany you to special events or family gatherings. The excuse will be: the person doesn't enjoy eating out and but would rather have a home cooked meal. He or she will even go as far as to bring the food and cook it in your home. The person is shy around too many people or doesn't enjoy being around crowds. The person is afraid someone willrecognize him or her and expose their dirty little secret.

Warning Sign No. 4

During the holidays, he or she will suddenly have to leave town on business or will disappear for a while. While you're sitting home alone sipping wine and crying your eyes out, your "lover" is vacationing with the spouse and children and is having the time of their lives.

Warning Sign No. 5

The person will give you a cell phone, mobile or beeper number but will never give you their home phone number.

Warning Sign No. 6

You never meet the person's friends or parents. The reason: he or she is a loner and is estranged from the parents and family members or they live in some distant country.

Warning Sign No. 7

The person doesn't have a home address but a post office box. The reason given: he or she travels maybe 10 months out of the year and constantly lives out of their suitcases. Their time is spent in hotel rooms; so a permanent residence wouldn't make much sense. It would be too costly.

Warning Sign No. 8

The person lives in another city or state and has never invited you to his or her home.

When it comes to the warning signs, I am generalizing here. These signs do not necessarily mean that the person you're involved with is being deceitful or dishonest. The focus here is on men and women who have been in long-term relationships and may have experienced these warnings. As the saying goes "if it looks to good to be true, it's probably a lie."