The 10 Worst Horror Film Cliches

Numerous times in my film articles I have unkind things to say about American horror films. The reason is that from beginning to end American horror films are just a series of horror film cliches. The only aspect of the film that changes throughout the movie is the order of the cliches. One day I'd love to see a horror film that didn't have all of the following cliches.

Crazy Guy
Hello! I'm the crazy guy that tells you not to go into the forest/house/amusement park. You're not going to listen to me though because you think I'm crazy. The truth is that's exactly why you should listen to me. Who knows about crazy stuff better than crazy guy?

What's that sound?
This really dark, damp and chilly forest out in the middle of nowhere sure is creepy. What's that sound? I heard something move. It's probably an injured deer or a baby that has been left in a basket. Let's go see what it is. It's not like there could be some killer out here in the dark woods.

Pesky Teenagers
What's that you say teenager? There is a murderer on the loose? I'm not going to listen to you because you are a teenager and I am an adult. Therefore I know everything that is going on in this town and you don't know anything. Clearly this is just a prank to make me look stupid because murder has never, ever happened on earth.

Can you hear me now?
There is a killer at my door trying to get in. I better call for help. Every person in the universe now has a cell phone conveniently in their pocket but I'm going to ignore that and run for the landline that is sure to be disconnected if this killer knows anything about killing. Now that I've wasted a few minutes I'll pull out my cell phone. Oh no! I'm so scared that I fumbled my cell phone and it fell down the vent. Stupid tiny cell phones. I'm going to write a letter and complain about this. Dear telephone provider...Ooops, I'm dead.

Origin
Oh no! The villainous murderer has claimed another victim and now he wants to...tell us his story? Wait what? An origin story to explain what it is that made you crazy enough to kill people? Who cares? You kill people. That's all we need to know.

Car Malfunction
This murderous villain will be easy to escape. In the history of murderous villains there has never been one that drives a car. All I have to do is get a car and get out of town. Oh man, my car won't start. Neither will my mom's car. Neither will my neighbor's car! Why is it that whenever a murderer comes to town every car in the city stops working? Dear car manufacturer...

Brains
Remember earlier when I was so stupid that I went into the dark creepy forest to look for what was making that unusual sound? Or remember when I was so stupid that I didn't think to save time and use my cell phone? Well now that I'm the only person still alive I am suddenly smart enough to outsmart the bad guy! I must have absorbed the other victims' brains after they were killed or something.

Confidence
The killer has killed the popular but confident cheerleader. He dispatched of the tough and strong football player. The wily nerd was no match for him and the smart teacher also met his death. The man most equipped for catching this killer, the police officer, is also no longer with us. Somehow I have survived this long despite the fact that I am the weakest person here. I have no confidence or courage or any useful characteristics at all but now that I am the only person left I'm suddenly going dig down deep and be the person I could have been all along. Too bad none of my friends will see my transformation. Cause they are dead.

The Comeback
The murderous villain has been stabbed, shot, arrowed, crushed by a giant rock, tortured to death by hours of reality television or some other gruesome death and finally everybody is safe. No wait! He has one last gasp of breath to lunge out at you! Don't worry though, the hero will notice and will be sure to shoot, stab, crush or torture the villain with more American Idol.

Celebration
Victory! Me and the main hot chick survived the killer! What's that main hot chick? You want to make out? Umm...shouldn't we grieve the loss of our friends or something? Or aren't you so scared that you can't think about making out right now? Shouldn't we at least take a shower? No? Okay, we can make out but first wipe Bob's guts off your mouth please.