The 18th Child is on Its Way for the Duggar Family
I remember watching the documentary with my husband who comes from a family of 9 children. His remarks and comments were almost identical to mine. He wondered how a husband could support all those children and not be rich. The answers were soon apparent; the father had his own construction business so he was financially able to support a large family. My husband's father was draftsman before the days of auto CAD and computer aided drawing so he had a good paying job to support his family.
Money is only one factor of a large family as both my mother and husband both came from larger than normal families and both of them mildly disliked coming from such a large family. My mother was the oldest of 13 children and their large family was mostly due to lack of birth control in those days. Family life for her was cramped with 4 children or more to a bed. Her mother also had her share of stillborns and 2 children died in infancy. As with most older daughters in large families she had to help take care of the house and the younger children. She never spoke to me if she disliked her duties when she was younger or not, but she did love children. My husband on the other hand came from a family of 9 children with 8 boys and one girl. His family had its share of hard times when his father would be between jobs. His mother did not work and spent most of her waking hours taking care of the kids. The youngest has Down Syndrome so his special needs took away from the rest of the children after he was born.
My husband was the middle child of the bunch and remarked how the first 3 children were well thought of when it came to higher education and the rest of the kids barely got through high school. He, as well as a few of his other brothers felt neglected both emotionally and physically. Hand me down clothes were normal and he hated them. His shoes, passed down from other brothers caused him to have ingrown toenails that he battles to this day. His parents had favorites when it came to the various children and the others that were not favorites knew it. Of the 6 children that have gotten married only 3 of those marriages have lasted. The other 3 have resulted in divorces. I wonder if coming from a large family had any bearing on those marriages.
When my husband and I got married our decision to have a small family was partially based upon his experiences as a child in a large family as well as my own childhood with my siblings who I continually had fights with.
My personal opinion of couples that decide to bring large amounts of children into this world is a selfish decision. They either do not care about the child that gets neglected emotionally in large of a household or do not know. If they do not know then they should educate themselves before having any more children. To me a child should be cherished and not be just another one of many. The moment you have called your child by another's name is the time you have had enough or too many kids.
Published by Jan S
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13 Comments
Post a CommentMy goodness Catherine you should be writing your own book with tales like that. To even say that not having sex is a sin is a new spin on having large families in my book.
My parents were married in 1933 at the young age of sixteen. During their blessed marriage, they had 17 children. The reason that they had so many children? They believed it to be a sin to prevent life from coming into the world. According to their faith; children were an act of God.
My father served in World War II and was called again to active duty in the Korean War; while he (then) had 8 children. He followed through the call as a "duty with honor." He fought for our country. He believed in liberty and justice for all! While he fought, he was wounded from a mine that exploded and left his entire back covered in shrapnel. The benefits and awards that were given to him were not monetary or gold; but in his eyes they were the "truest wisdom which comes from God." Even though he was awarded the Purple Heart for his wounds psychically and mentally, he needed to work to provide an income for his family regardless to what shape he came home in. His pension was not nearly
Over the years I've noticed a significant number of people who are the older siblings of large families opt out of having children at all. This includes some of my nieces and nephews.
I've had time to reflect on this and after my initial shock of learning of a family who were onto their 18th child I have come to see that they obviously love children and are in a position to care for them. My husband is the youngest of 9, whereas I came from a smaller family as the youngest of 3. I'm sure that raising a large family must be quite a challenge, but not an insurmountable one, as the Duggar family have shown.
Sophie
When I had only one child, I would still call him by other names. His dad's, my brother's, our friend's kids names... That doesn't show a parent with too many children, but a person with too much on their mind. Just because you and your husband hated your large families doesn't mean that everyone else will hate theirs too. What is right for you is not right for everyone else and assuming that someone is selfish because of the reasons you listed is just ignorant. Many people come from large families and love it. You could write a similar article on single children homes.
How dare anyone call someone who does NOT want kids "selfish"? If anything is selfish, it's having an army of kids. No matter how much each of those kids is loved, they get cheated of one-on-one parent time, and the older kids are burdened with having to take on parent roles when they are still growing up.
I myself have seven children and love it... If I could afford to have 18 kids I probably would.. However I cannot so I will leave it up to them...And for those who pass judgment on them for having so many children... One life.. Live it to it's fullest...Period ! Great article
Well obviously the family dynamic is going to be different with 18 children and older siblings will have more responsibility than most mainstream families. I'm not going to comment on whether that is "right" or "wrong." It's just "different" than the way I'd prefer my household to run. The opposite scenario is how my family is- only child, no siblings, and no first cousins. It works for us. I don't have to divide my time between my child and nieces/nephews. Holidays are a little bare without big family gatherings obviously. Overall, I think as humans having even just one sibling can suck. I think children physiologically/psychologically are self-centered by nature, and having to share is annoying and presents the potential for resentment. I'm just glad my child doesn't have to share resources with a sibling and will probably keep it that way for quite some time.
Just to give everyone an update. I have found out that several of the older children have left the home, because they hate the way they were treated. If you have followed the family on their website or the documentaries then you would have known that when one child is old enough, they are assigned to another, younger child to "raise". The older children that have left wanted to be able to date and have a "regular" teenager life outside the "family".
I'm the parent of an only child, and I like it that way :) But I won't pass judgment on the Duggar family. Their family dynamic is obviously going to be different than the norm, but it seems to work well for them. I personally would have difficulty dividing my time and emotion between two children under the age of 8. Of course, I try to follow "natural" parenting principles as much as possible, which means I nursed my child for years rather than months, and the time commitment for me for that type of parenting approach is exhausting at times. I marvel at how their family functions and enjoy watching them, but I personally couldn't manage more than 2 kids and they'd have to be spaced out quite a bit.