The 4 Laws of Confrontation

Have you ever run into a sticky situation with another person because you said something that was taken the wrong way? Conversely, have you ever misinterpreted something that was said to you? Many hurt feelings and damaged friendships could be spared if we would only take some time to evaluate the way we communicate and make some changes. Here are 4 "laws" of communication taken from Ephesians 4:22-32. If you live by them you will have far fewer run-ins with other people because of something you said.

1. Stop lying and start telling the truth (Ephesians 4:25). The Bible tells us to put off the "old man"-that person we were before we were saved, and put on the "new man"- the person you are now in Christ. Don't simply stop lying, but start telling the truth. Honesty is more than not lying, it also encompasses not misleading by telling half-truths. A half truth is, after all, a whole lie. Don't just tell the someone the truth without regard to their feelings. Speak to them with grace and love when the topic is difficult.

2. Keep current with your record of wrongs (Ephesians 4:26-27). Anger in itself is not a sin, but when your anger causes you to do something ungodly or have wrong feelings about another person, then it is sin. The Bible admonishes not to let the sun set on our wrath. We need to settle our accounts with other people daily. Don't let issues go unresolved and ignored. We all know from experience that this breeds an uglier scene later on. Don't clam up when you are in a difficult conversation, communicate. Before you address a problem it is helpful to keep a few things in mind. Ask yourself, "Do I have all the facts?", "Should love for this person hide their transgression?", "Are my attitude and timing right?", and "Have I asked God for help?"

3. Attack the problem, not the person (Ephesians 4:29-30). Don't use words designed to hurt or wound the other person. Don't attack the person's character as this causes more damage and grieves the Holy Spirit in your own life. Use communication that edifies, or, builds up.

4. Act, don't react (Ephesians 4:31-32). The Bible instructs us not to let bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor (harsh contention), slander, or malice (desire to harm another) influence our communication. Instead, be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving.

Changing bad communication and confrontation habits is not easy, but it can be done. Let God's Word be your guide and follow these tips to preserve your relationships.