The 5 People You'll Meet in Hell

This is not a book review. This is some of my finest snarky commentary.

In his famous play, "No Exit," French philosopher Jean Paul Sartre said, "L'enfer, c'est les autres," or in simple English: "Hell is other people." The play takes place in Sartre's definition of Hell (as in, the place bad people go when they die). Only instead of never-ending bowels of fire and blaze there are small rooms with no doors. The rooms, of course, contain a small group of people. These are the people that make it Hell. In Sartre's Hell there is no ruling executioner (ie. satan). Why? Because the people torture each other by merely being present. So to be snarky, I decided to come up with a list of 5 people that make life on Earth a living hell.

She who creates your reputation (THE GOSSIP)

When the picture a person has of herself is created by someone else's words, that person is no longer whole. In other words, when you talk about someone else, especially while they are not there to amend your words, you are literally creating their personality. Keep in mind that you probably have no idea what you are talking about, either. So not only are you flapping your mouth incessantly you're also doing so at the expense of someone else.

Then what is the point of gossip? Can any good come of it? No. It is literally a means to provide pleasure for yourself. It does not better the world. It does not better you as a person. And it certainly does not benefit that person whom you are speaking about.

Would you want to spend eternity with a group of people who were gossips? No. You'd wish you could die again because there would never be any reality - only smarmy, vapid noise. And this kind of noise is the worst. It rattles your bones and trashes your soul. In short: Don't talk about people. Focus on yourself.

He who cares not (THE SELFISH)

What's your motive in your actions?

Why do you do things?

Is it to better yourself? Is it to gain something? Is to to get a reward?

Ask yourself these questions the next time you do something. It's fine to do things for yourself, but it gets a little redundant if "for me" is the answer to those questions every time to make a move.

People are keen on other people's intentions. We pick up on and understand when you're behavior is overwhelming ego-centric. Frankly, it's not appealing.

Can you imagine spending 100% of every second of your life with someone who was incessantly self-seeking. Talk about hell.

She who has no depth (THE SHALLOW)

Have you ever met someone that was so empty inside that it was hazardous to your mental stability to even engage in conversation? Again, this is the type of person that is not fun to be around (in fact it's like hell to be close to them). This person is so so empty that they float in water.

Now don't get me wrong. It's great to look cute and feel gorgeous and look handsome and smell good. But when your life is complete only because of those things, it's time for a lesson in authentic personalities.

It's not fun to be around someone whose brain is muddied with paltry nothingness. And correct me if I'm wrong, but most people prefer spiritual substance over a fragile shell void of character.

And on that note, try understanding another human being, especially when they talk to you. It's one thing to repeat something they said, it's another to connect with them. Trust me, the latter will get you far in life.

* By this point, you should have noticed a recurring motif: Anything which deviates from focusing on how to better yourself = unsatisfactory and positively hellish.

He who belittles (THE JUDGMENTAL)

Let me paint a picture for you. He Who Belittles is the type of person that is most likely arrogant in his ways and condemns others for their weaknesses/faults/sins. Keep this in mind: When you consistently condemn and judge other people, it makes you an ugly person. It also makes it easier for other people to find the flaws in you. In fact, it makes people desire to find the flaws. And get this: It's really easy to find them if you're the judgmental type.

With that said, don't worry about other people. What they choose to do is none of your business. Not only are you wasting energy on judging them (all it does is belittle and make the other person dislike you with astonishing passion), your own character is deteriorating beyond repair.

For you Bible nerds (that is a term of endearment), remember when Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone?"

Newsflash: OMG like I totally think he meant it! I mean, like why on earth would he say it if he didn't. WTF. I most DEF don't think he was being facetious that's totally unlike Jesus. He is like, so nice and stuff and supposed to be someone who is nonviolent so, like, I doubt he wanted that woman to get stoned (omg. I'm not talking about the Maryjane. WTF).

And, on further thought, throwing stones (literally or figuratively) only leaves you with broken things and lots of stones.

She who finds joy in others' suffering (THE MALICIOUS)

This is the type of person that is just plain bad news. Usually a combination of all those listed above and poisons all spirits she comes in contact with. This person has no care for anyone but herself and won't think twice about hurting someone so long as she gets something out of it.

She Who Finds Joy In Others' Suffering is a rarity.

So why do I bring her up? Because you can find a little piece of her in almost everyone. Her potency is vile that even a sprinkle of The Malicious can make you an unattractive person. Be weary.

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I must confess that I contemplated adding myself to this list based strictly on the fact that I had the nerve to compose it. After further consideration I opted to leave "She who writes the hell list" off said list and instead deem myself, "She who provideth sage knowledge" (insert cheesy winking emoticon).

Lastly, would you want to spend eternity with someone who belittles you? Has no depth? Gossips incessantly? Acts selfishly? Finds joy in your suffering? (insert banal personality trait)?

I didn't think so. We are all guilty of the things listed above. But we are also fully capable of bettering our personalities and acting deliberately opposite of the personalities I listed. Make the effort and in short: Don't be another persons hell.