The 5 Stupidest Items for Dogs

Pet items seem to be a booming market even though the economy has hit a rough patch. Every store I go to and on every television channel there is some new product to make your life easier while living with a dog. I'll admit it, my dog has quite a few sweaters, various collars, and boots for the cold weather. I do get a degree of joy spoiling my dog. But that is the extent of my madness. You'll never catch me purchasing the following dog items. I'd never be able to live it down and I'd hate to embarrass my dog like that.

Stupid Dog Item #1: Fake Grass Mat Used As A Potty
I'll go ahead and admit something else. At one point, my dog was litter box trained. It was the easiest way to potty train during the winter and was a lot easier than trying to run my dog down a flight of stairs hoping she didn't relieve herself on them as we were trying to get outside. Once my dog got a taste of the outside, she never went back to the litter box. I don't think my dog would go for a mat of fake grass either. It is understandable in certain situations, to which most of them I would suggest getting a cat if walking your dog is not one of your priorities. Seriously, if you're more willing to clean a mat of fake grass than letting your dog use the world as it's toilet, you should have just went with a kitten.

Stupid Dog Item #2: The Poo Harness aka The Pooptrap
I don't see a dog getting used to the Pooptrap... ever. It just seems like an uncomfortable thing for a dog to not only have to wear a harness, but poop in a bag. And where's the convenience for the humans in this? We're still going to have to bend down and take the bag off of the dog's bottom and carry around a bag of poo. Save the money and use old plastic bags and bend down the extra six inches to pick up the poo. Or take your dog deep into the woods where there will be no chance of any other human coming across the dog's business. I must say though, I wish when I was in my marching band days and had to do parades behind groups of horses that this was invented...

Stupid Dog Item #3: The Snuggie For Dogs
A classic in my book. Granted, I force my dog into a sweater when it gets cold here in Alaska. Her breed was not made for the 40 below temperatures. But I did say "force" because once the sweater is on, you can bet five minutes later I'm going to find it hidden somewhere and shredded a little bit more than before. So in my head I'm thinking, "A Snuggie for dogs? That would never work. She can get out of it too easy and it looks dumb!" It does look dumb. Look at a human in a Snuggie... it's just a human that couldn't find a sweatshirt. A dog in a Snuggie is ridiculous because of the fur coat that the dog is already wearing.

Stupid Dog Item #4: Dog Ice Cream
I ran across dog ice cream one day while in the supermarket. It was totally by accident. I grabbed a carton of ice cream and put it in the cart. Then I looked at it again. There was a picture of a dog and it happened to be beef flavored. Ice cream for dogs? Really? A rawhide isn't good enough anymore? Mostly I wonder how many people did the same thing I did, but made it home with the ice cream.

Stupid Dog Item #5: Dye jobs for your dog to make them look like anything but a dog
There's some novelty in the grooming business where dying a Shiba Inu look like a panda is cute, shaving a Chow to look like a lion is awesome, and making a poodle look like a camel is just... that's just weird. I feel bad for these dogs. I'm ancy enough just getting a hair cut and a dye job at the salon. Forcing a dog to do the same thing almost borderlines inhumane, since they get nothing out of it except the stress of getting groomed and us humans just get to sit back and giggle. What also comes with that are other humans giggling at you because of that stupid groom job you had done to your dog. Because you dog looks like whatever animal doesn't mean it becomes one. Whatever happened to cute little bows and bandannas? Whatever happened to a dog being clean and taken care of instead of a sideshow?

Most importantly, whatever happened to dogs being dogs?