The Adoption of Special Needs Children

The adoption of a child is a big decision. It is one which prospective parents spend a whole lot of time preparing and working to make it a reality. Many are unable to have children for one reason or another. Many just want to add another special child to their already growing family. It is a special show of love to adopt a child who is needing the love of a family.

Many choose to adopt perfectly healthy infants, but this takes a very long time. Healthy infants are the most requested ages of children which are adopted. Everyone seems to want these little bundles of joy. The wait is long, and the requirements are many.

There is a group of children which is growing in number daily. They are not the most requested group. They are the children no one seems to want. Many will spend a considerable amount of time in the foster care system. Many even stay in institutions because of a lack of placements available to take them due to their level of disability and other issues. Some are in these foster homes and institutions for many years before they find the person to love them if they ever find them.

These children are Children with Special Needs and are the least selected group of children to be considered for adoption. Their parents couldn't or wouldn't care for them and now they are lost in the system waiting for someone to give them love, a family, and a home.

This article will give information about adopting special needs children; will offer information from a special needs child who is now grown; and will offer information about some parents who have adopted special needs children. It will give real life examples. No one can understand a problem who has not lived it. This article will use these real life examples to show the human side of special needs adoptions through the eyes of people who truly know the meaning of unconditional love.

As with a lot of what I write, I will offer some of my own experience. This is presented in the section offering information from a grown special needs child. There are two sections of the article which will give information from the adoptive parents perspective.

The purpose of this article is to raise awareness and let others know the joy these special parents feel because of the special children in their lives. It is to offer information which will help people who wish to adopt special needs children.

In a world where tragedy, pain, and hardship are a part of reality, it is great to see that compassion still exists in the hearts of many.

This article is a dedication to the people who adopt these special children, and the many Special Children needing homes and love. Adopting these special children is a true representation of unconditional love.

About Special Needs Adoption

In the United States, tens of thousands of children with special needs are waiting for permanent homes. Traditionally, children with special needs have been considered harder to place for adoption than other children, but experience has shown that many children with special needs can be placed successfully with families who want them. The Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997 (P.L. 105-89) has focused more attention on finding homes for children with special needs and making sure they receive the post-adoption services they need. Congress enacted the law to ensure that children in foster care, who cannot be reunited with their birth parents, are freed for adoption and placed with permanent families as quickly as possible.

What does "special needs" mean?

For many people the term "special needs" means a child who receives or needs special education or who has a disability of some sort. In adoption, the term is defined differently and may include the factors listed below. Guidelines for classifying a child as "special needs" vary by state. Children with special needs range in age from infants to 18 years. In general, children with special needs are those who:

* Have physical or health problems;
* Are older;
* Are members of ethnic or racial minorities;
* Have a history of abuse or neglect;
* Have emotional problems;
* Have siblings and need to be adopted as a group;
* Test positive for HIV;
* Have documented conditions that may lead to future problems;
* Had some form of prenatal exposure to drugs or alcohol.

Almost all children who meet the special needs guidelines and who are available for adoption are currently in the public foster care system. Some have moved through several different foster placements.

Who may adopt a child with special needs?

Almost any prospective adoptive parent who has the commitment, skills, and preparation to parent may adopt a child. Agencies differ in their specific requirements for adoptive parents. Age and marital status requirements for adopting a child with special needs tend to be less restrictive than requirements for adopting a healthy infant. Agencies will consider both single and married applicants, ranging in age from 18 to 50 or sometimes even older. The consideration of an adoptive parent's age many times depends upon on the age of the child, if the state has age restrictions, or the individual's situation. Most agencies require couples to be married a minimum of 1 to 3 years. Divorce, physical challenges, or a history of personal counseling do not necessarily disqualify an applicant from adopting. Applicants need not be wealthy or own a home.

(Information above take from the following site, Special Needs Adoption. You will find a whole lot of information there which could help you to understand special needs adoption and will offer resources. This site will offer help should you wish to take the steps to make a special child's dreams come true.)

The biggest problems are more about finding the families which wish to adopt these special children. This is why many of the requirements are less stringent then they are for healthy infants. The goal is too keep children from getting lost in the system.

Even though the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997 (P.L. 105-89 http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/laws_policies/cblaws/public_law/pl105_89/pl105_89.htm) has been enacted and has helped to some degree, there are still many who are still lost in the system. There are many born addicted to drugs who are still lost. It is unknown if many are receiving the services they need to survive. An example of this is at the following news article, SAVAGE METH.

The ability to be placed is not the problem. The problem is that there is a shortage of foster homes in many states, and there is a shortage of people who will adopt children with special needs. This is the reason why the criteria for adopting these children is much less restrictive then it is for healthy children. We know the children can be placed, but there has to be people ready to take them.

There are services available to help these children after they are adopted and services to help adoptive parents to deal with the special needs of these children. I certainly hope that more people will take the plunge to adopt special needs children after reading this article. This would certainly make it well worth the effort. Saving children should always be a top priority in every community. They are the future of mankind.

The resource links associated with this article will give the reader plenty of information should they decide to adopt special needs children. The links located within the article will, also, offer helpful resources. Getting all the information is the first step in making any decision.

Lets now look at a child who had special needs and was raised by an Aunt who took this task on and saved her life. Then, you will see examples of some parents who have adopted special needs children.

Special Needs Adoption from the Perspective of a Grown Special Needs Child

As a child who grew up being raised by my Aunt, I dealt with a whole host of issues. I grew up understanding what it meant to express unconditional love. There is no love stronger then that of someone who takes on a child who has not known a normal active childhood.

I was a child brought into my Aunt's home with many problems as a result of living my first 11 years being abused and neglected by my mother. When I came to live with my Aunt, I had many health problems resulting from malnutrition and medical neglect. I was withdrawn and non responsive. I was a child who had been totally isolated from school and people for many months. I had to be re-inserted into reality, school, and real life out side of my prison.

The years I lived with my Aunt were not perfect. There were problems. I know these problems were more because of the abuse I had suffered then from her care.

In 1972, things were not as they are now. The services which exist now to help people deal with abuse and special needs children were not available then. My Aunt had only love and compassion to motivate her to care for me. She did this willingly, and my life was saved because of it.

People, who wonder how a person can take on such a task, must understand that the main motivator is love.

What made me a special needs child was my age, the abuse I had suffered, my health issues, and the mental distress I was experiencing. There are many children with worse problems who are adopted out of love and given a family which is the wish of every child in a foster home or institution.

My Aunt could not adopt me in 1972 even though my mother was in an institution. Adoption rules were much different then, but she did give me a home until I was old enough to care for myself. I was still a part of her family, and she always showed me the same love she would have if I had been her daughter.

People who take on special needs children are never sure what the outcome will be. There are many unanswered questions. This depends on the degree of disability and mental distress a child has at the time, and the circumstances surrounding their placement into the foster home or institution.

Raising children under any circumstance is tough. Most are rewarded with a sense of pride when they see the child grow up to become a productive, loving, responsible adult. For parents raising special needs children, each day must be cherished, because you are unsure what tomorrow will bring. Little is taken for granted and even the smallest achievements are grand celebrations.

Adopting a child under special circumstances takes a lot of love, compassion, strength, and determination which knows no boundaries.

As a child who was raised by someone who looked beyond my special needs and saw a child who just needed to be loved; I understand the commitment it took for her to take care of me. I appreciate the effort of the these special people who devote their lives to children with special needs.

You will now see two examples of parents who have adopted multiple special needs children in the next two sections. To adopt one special needs child takes a great deal of strength. To adopt multiple special needs children takes a person of love, strength, and commitment which truly knows no boundaries. I solute these very special people.

Proud Father of 8
It is a pleasure when you get to hear of people who are proud of their children. Many people want to always express the bad things or complain about this and that. This amazing father has not focused on the bad. He wants people to know just how special his children are to him.

He has adopted 7 children and has only one child which is biological. He, also, has a disabled wife at home who has been disabled for the last 5 years as a result of a stoke. He is one special person and you will see this clearly in the information which follows.

(Information below is taken from his own web site, Dad of 8. The information is in his own words and used with his permission.)

The Eight Children (Grouped by gender and listed from oldest to youngest.)
These children are success stories, and he is proud of them all.

Girls
1.My oldest daughter is in her late-twenties. A college graduate with honors. She is very family oriented and caring. Currently, she shares an apartment with her boyfriend (a great person!) and is working three jobs. One of her jobs is an actress in children's theater. She was placed with the family as a foster child when she was 9 years old, became adoptable, and was adopted by us a few years later. I feel very close to her, proud of her, and fortunate to have her as a daughter.

2.She is in her mid-twenties. A very helpful young lady who cares about the family, especially her younger brothers. She just moved out of state to live with her boyfriend. Hopefully marriage is in her future, time will tell. I am also very close to her and proud to have her as a daughter. She was in and out of my home as a foster child a few times before she came to stay and eventually be adopted.

3.She is just a year younger than girl 2. A very independent young lady who has been living on her own for a few years now. She has a good job and shares an apartment with a friend. While not very family oriented she is living her life as she chooses and doing well. She was in and out of my home several times as a foster child before she was eventually adopted. I am pleased to note that she is now engaged to be married and has become more close to her family.

4. A truly lovely young lady. This twenty one year old young lady is extremely intelligent, good looking, and a pleasure to have as a daughter. She was placed as a foster child with my family when she was six years old, left for a little while to live with biological relatives, came back and eventually, we were able to adopt her. She is currently a forth grade teacher and will soon have her Master's degree. Any father would consider himself extremely fortunate to have a girl like this as a daughter.

Boys
1.He is my oldest son and my only biological child. He is currently thirty two years of age and happily married to a woman who is a delight to have as a daughter-in-law. He just bought and moved into a new home. Financially he is doing great as the person in charge of the computer operations of a large financial firm. Through the years he has shared his home, his parents, and his life with all his adopted brothers and sisters. God blessed me and them with him. He just moved to another state. Best of all, he and his wife just became new parents making me a grandfather. What a great feeling.

2.He is a young man in his mid-twenties. He is a college graduate and currently an associate producer for a major television talk show. He first came to the family as a foster child when he was 2 1/2 years old. He immediately called my wife "mommy", as if he knew his future. A great guy that is willing to sacrifice for others. He now has is own apartment, but visits two to three times a week, a great guy. He is currently engaged to be married. He chose wisely. His fiancé is a great person.

3.He is a seventeen year old, extremely intelligent boy. He is very close to my wife and his younger brother. He is very inquisitive and anxious to learn about subjects such as history, languages, classic cars, etc. His latest interest is politics. He came to my family straight from the hospital as a foster child a few days after birth. He became adoptable a few years later. I am extremely pleased, and proud to be his father.

4.My 14 year old is truly a delight. My wife gave him the nickname "sunshine" for very good reasons. He is extremely social with a warm, caring personality. He was placed with the family as a foster child when he was 4 months old, never left, and was adopted when he was about 5 years old.

This Father Explodes a Few Myths
(Information below is taken from his own web site, Dad of 8. The information is in his own words and used with his permission.)

I think all of us have certain pre-conceived notions and assumptions about most life issues including children. I hear them from friends, read them in books, and even hear from family members. These myths are usually negative portrayals about situations and people (in this case - certain children) that are not based on the real experience of the person believing them and sometimes not based even remotely on reality. My experience as "dad-of-8" has gone contrary to a few of those myths. Here's a few of them.

MYTH 1: "If you adopt an older child they will never be like your own."

I've adopted several children that would be considered "older". One didn't enter my home as a foster child first until she was almost ten years old. Another when she was six. By the time they were adopted they were a few years older than that. As far as I am concerned, the only thing I missed out was the not so pleasant job of changing some more diapers. The advantage of adopting an older foster child that has been living with your family is that you will have a good idea about whether the adoption will be successful because you've had a chance to really get to know that child. The child will also have a chance to express his/her feelings about joining your family permanently. I don't have any statistics or know if any have been done on the success rate of adopting older foster children by their foster family. I do know, it has worked for my family, and why not yours?

MYTH 2: Foster children come with too much "emotional baggage".

I've read this in books and heard it from some friends and family members. Some of my kids have come from situations that are definitely non-idealistic. A couple have gone in and out of foster care several times before being returned to my home on the way to being adopted. One came to my home straight from the hospital after recovering from physical abuse from a biological parent. There is no question that they had experiences that had an effect on their emotional well-being, their outlook towards adults, etc. But they also came to my home with a means of comparison. I believe that all of them know and realize how much I love and care about them. Because they have known some bad, maybe that's why they have accepted being adopted as good. Six of my eight children are over the age of eighteen. All the six graduated high school. Two are college graduates. One is currently attending a top college. One is happily married and earning almost double what I earn per year. One is on her way to managing a retail store. The last is working as a medical assistant.

"Emotional baggage"? Just a myth.

I realize that my experience might not be every adoptive parent's experience; but until you have met a particular child the myth of "emotional baggage" should not exist in your mind.

MYTH 3: "Foster children only come from lower class families."

I don't have statistics to confirm my observations, but I have noticed that foster children can come from all economic strata as well as races and religions. In my family, three of my children came from families that would be considered extremely comfortable financially. Three from financially troubled families and one, somewhere in between.

A Mother whose Love Truly Knows no Boundaries

Every once in a while a special person comes into your life. This person becomes someone you admire and represents the true nature of love which is reflected in the personality of the person. The person is someone who is giving and knows the power of love and compassion. This person is dedicated to doing something special.

There is no one who represents this more then a woman I recently became familiar with while doing the research for this article. This special lady's name is Rosemary. She is a mother of 26 children. Many were special needs adoptions of children with extreme disabilities. She is one woman who had made the lives of many children better who would not have survived without her love. She is a reflection of true compassion and unconditional love.

If anyone person represents what this article is all about, it is this special woman. If everyone was like her, no special needs child would be left behind. All would be loved and cared for as all children deserve.

She has granted me permission to use information from her web site. I will use some, but I would encourage anyone who is thinking of adopting special needs children to visit her site, A Child To Love - Adoption Love Stories. This article could not hold all the information, so I will just give some highlights. I will give an over view of her story and the basic story of Misty, the child who changed her life. The information contained below is available at her site.

About Rosemary and Her Children
I've been a parent for thirty-seven years, so far. All of my children are cherished, and appreciated. Every human being has personality, strengths, and individual appeal. These things make human beings different from one another, much more than an IQ. What a person can or cannot do is not as important as who they are, and what they are like.

I built my family largely through adoption. Many of my children are either without disability, or they had the ability to function in varying degrees or functioned completely and independently. God has blessed me with twenty-six children in all. Twenty-nine when you count children-in-law. Also, I have two grandsons now!

My heart has always been drawn to the child who needed me most. Nurturing is such fun and so rewarding to me. I chose to build this portion of my family with children who had waited a long time for a family, with no one asking for them. Some had waited so many years, they had already been placed in an institution. Every child deserves to have someone of their own, who truly loves them. Adopting each one was a great honor to me. I enjoy my helpless children, and love them dearly. My first children were able and well; capable and on their way to independence when I adopted my daughter Misty. I was not given correct information about Misty; but God sent her for a very special reason. Her condition was a very great shock at first, but I quickly fell in love with her, and my whole world changed for all time. I began to search for, and adopt others like her. God used my little Misty to change my entire life.

About Misty, the Child that Changed Rosemary's Life
(More information about Misty is available at My Misty Baby. You may read other stories about her wonderful children by click on their pictures at her site, A Child To Love - Adoption Love Stories.)

My daughter Misty Angelita was a total surprise to me when she was carried off the plane to my waiting arms. At two-and-a-half, she was absolutely limp, could not sit up, roll over, hold anything in her hand, respond to anything, or eat from a spoon. I did not know she was blind for a long time, but she was. I think now, twenty-three years later, that she was also severely autistic, and perhaps even deaf. But when I adopted her, I was only told she was retarded, and had cerebral palsy. Nothing else. She was a beautiful little girl, but absolutely helpless. Yet she touched many people's hearts and lives. I used to speak at adoption conferences, so thousands of people heard her story, back when it was just beginning. I always brought pictures of my children. Misty's very helplessness drew people's interest. And her delicate, lovely little face. Most had never heard of a child like this one. None would have wanted to adopt her themselves. Yet Misty proved to be a little missionary, as the years went by, teaching me many things that God obviously wanted me to learn, and leading me closer to His heart.

The first two-and-a-half years I was Misty's mother, she expressed only horror at my every touch. She was terrified of everyone's touch. Even if I talked softly to her before I touched her, every time she was touched, her arms would fly out like a startled newborn, she would shudder, her mouth would drop open, her eyes widen in terror, and her whole body would quiver with what appeared to be panic, while she shrieked, in a very high, tremulous voice. It was as though she did not ever remember being touched before, and it was a petrifying experience. She did not know what it meant. I believe that is how it was. She was not able to remember this happening ever before. She came three thousand miles to me with one paper bag of faded, ragged baby clothes of different sizes, and every last item was spattered with dried baby food and spit-up. I threw them away. To me, this indicated that she had not been loved. It is possible that she did not have any love or cuddles in the two-and-a-half years of life before me. Perhaps she came to me from a crib in some back room, and the experience of touch was brand new. Or perhaps her brain damage was just so great, that it took her five years to learn to remember what the experience of touch meant.

I tried so hard to relate to what she must be feeling. Just think for a moment. Imagine sitting peacefully by yourself, and suddenly a fierce bear you didn't know was there, takes your head into its mouth, snarling. I would feel utter terror. I think that is how Misty perceived all touch, until she was five years old. Every diaper change, every bath, every time I carried her from one place to another, she shrieked, terrified, in her high, piercing voice, and quivered violently. It was very discouraging and sad to me. Yes, it was heartbreaking. After the first seven months, during which I rocked her gently and quietly for hours every evening, and she shrieked, and quivered, I began to wonder if she could ever grow to accept my touch, or be able to know me in any way, all her life. I stopped holding her all evening then, but continued my gentle touching - the same way every time, so that maybe repetition could reach her. I patted her tummy, and rolled her body back and forth in her crib, the same way every day.

But Misty was my daughter. My little girl. My beautiful little princess. She was a tiny, slender, twenty pound two year old when I adopted her. She acted like a newborn baby, except she could accept no comfort. And God had sent her. I knew that beyond a shadow of any doubt. I was determined to grow to love her, even if she never could know me. I asked God to help me learn to love her for Him.

It wasn't long before I began to love her very deeply. I learned to love, expecting nothing in return. This was unlike the way humans who can relate to each other, normally develop love. This was pure, unconditional love. The way God loves us.

Simply by being alive, and needing my help in every single thing, Misty taught me to slow down, pay attention to her body language, notice her emotions, and use these things to try to pinpoint anything that might be wrong. She taught me by her helplessness, and lack of ability to return love, to love without expectations. I found a poster that said it all. It was above her crib, and said "All my tomorrows depend upon your love. I wish I could find that poster again. Every time I read it, I would look down, tucking my quivering, horrified baby girl into bed, and know that it was true. I knew that if I didn't feed her, she would die. If I didn't change her diaper, she would get sores. If I didn't take care of her needs, she would become ill, and waste away. Her doctors in the clinic advised me to send her back. But I was certain that if I didn't keep her, she would never have a chance to be loved. I knew that no one else could ever care as much as I, about learning to know her, and helping her to know love. Giving her back was never, for one moment, an option. She was a human child, with a soul, a spirit. She was precious in God's eyes. She was mine just as though I had given birth to her. She was staying.

God gave me a very strong mother instinct for this helpless baby. Caring for her became a tender experience, even though she was so full of fear. I kept her wheelchair near me, and watched her with great interest, trying to figure her out. Strangely, she showed much joy when alone, whether in her chair, on the waterbed, cuddled in the overstuffed rocking chair, on the floor, or in her own bed. She would burst into the most enchanting peals of bell-like giggles, for nothing that I could see at all. She would laugh and laugh, and I began to think that God was tickling her. God was touching her spirit, and giving her great gifts of joy. I was so grateful, since humans were unable to reach her. Some doctor told me it was probably seizures. Well, it certainly was NOT. If I gently touched her while she was giggling, she stopped abruptly. Always. You cannot stop a seizure. No, it was Misty's Heavenly Father. God wasn't going to let her experience life with no joy. So He gave her joy Himself.

When Misty was five, she began to be able to respond to my physical contact, with smiles and giggles! I was enormously thrilled! From then on, I felt as though she loved me. Misty had learned to trust me. Misty knew me at last, therefore she did not fear me any more. Misty grew to enjoy my rolling her long, limp body back and forth. She loved me patting her tummy, saying "tickle-tickle-tickle! Giggling for me, was, for Misty, the only expression of love she was able to give. She could not see me. She could not know when I smiled at her. Her world was very small, and her understanding of her world was absolutely miniscule. But she had learned to feel my love, in my warm, tender hands. She had learned to recognize my love, and perhaps my smiles, in my gentle, loving voice. And she loved me. She loved me with all the ability that God gave her.

Then she began to giggle for her sisters and brothers who took time to do the same things I did. This was amazing, and thrilling for them! And my heart was tender toward my warm hearted children, in this outpouring of unconditional love. God had used their sister Misty, to teach them empathy, and pure compassion.

We often talked about what it would be like, getting to know Misty so much better in Heaven, when Christ comes, where she would be able to see, run, talk to us, play and sing, and do all the things she could not do here on earth. And, of course, doubtless, much more, like all of us will. We were all aware that she was God's child, and He loved her as much as He loved us. So we treasured her too.

All the rest of her life, she continued bursting into laughter any time, for no apparent reason. And her sisters and brothers would look, and say "God is tickling Misty again!

And I believe He was!

Misty is no longer with Rosemary because she died after getting the flu which went to heart. She will never be forgotten. The legacy of Misty will live on in the hearts of every member of her special family.

Closing Thoughts and Ideas

I hope this article has tugged at the reader's heart as much as it did mine to write it. I only wish I was able to adopt a special needs child, but my own level of disability would not permit it. I do hope in some way this article will raise awareness and help to promote the idea of the adoption of special needs children.
All children deserve love, homes, and families. These are fundamental needs from the day a child is born. No child should be denied this because they have experienced abuse which has caused mental and emotional problems; because they have disabilities or serious illnesses; because they are from a different ethnic background or race; because they have birth defects; or just because they have gotten older.

Children are our future. They should always be a priority. The benefits far outweigh the cost or sacrifice.

Parents which adopt special needs children like the two examples mentioned in this article are special people. They are not just raising special needs children because it is their duty, they have chosen them. Their children are special because they are theirs and not because of what made them special needs children. These parents looked past the special needs of the child and saw the child they wanted to love and make a part of their family.

In our society, even today, people many times find it hard to see past a person's handicap, disability, deformity, or circumstance. They judge based on what they see and not what they can't see. They miss the best part of the person when they fail to look into the hearts of those they view which are different.

The links listed as resources which go along with this article will give people information about special needs adoption. They will let people know of children needing to be adopted, criteria, how they can adopt a child with special needs should they choose to, and much more. I urge anyone who is considering adopting a special needs child to get all the information possible.

Children are always worth the effort. Lets do all we can to keep them safe and loved.