The All-Time Best TV Detectives

We love TV Detectives not just for the fact that they solve big cases. We love them because of the way they do it. Some use their odd personality quirks to help them. Others beat their confessions out of their suspects. They all seem witty, many with a sarcasm that makes you roll your eyes and grin to yourself at the same time. All of them are agents of the law, though sometimes they seem more apt to beat a culprit with the rule book than follow it. They come equipped with their own sets of baggage that makes them relatable and sympathetic characters, while also giving them the personal drive to get the job done. Here's my list of the top ten television detectives. As always, it might not be your list, but it's a diverse one, and hopefully a fun read. Enjoy!

10. John Shaft (Shaft)-This cat Shaft is a mean mother ... well, he's the baddest. He's what I'd call a complicated man, a cat who won't cop out when there's danger all about. He's the kind of man who would risk his neck for his brother man ... the kind of P.I. someone needs to write a catchy theme song for. All joking aside, Shaft was the man. Richard Roundtree's John Shaft was the perfect combination of cool, sleuth, and sex-appeal, so capable he was practically a superhero, and so tough he made the gangsters he went up against look like dandelions. Sure there were only seven episodes ... but they were bad.

9. Theo Kojak (Kojak)-Nobody says "Who loves ya, baby" like Theo Kojak. Portrayed by Telly Savalas, this lollipop-sucking, shades-wearing, bald-beneath-that-fedora detective captivated audiences for five seasons between 1973 and 1978. Kojak was a man who would bend the rules, but never quite break them, to solve his cases. How bald was Kojak? He was so bald, the word "Kojak" became slang for "bald man" in Brazilian. How bad was Kojak? He was so bad, he could walk around sucking lollipops and still be considered a tough guy.

8. Joe Friday (Dragnet)-His name is Friday-he's a cop. Joe Friday was after one thing, and one thing only: the facts. And boy did Jack Webb's detective give us the facts. He would intone the details of the investigation throughout the episode, telling viewers exactly what Friday and his partner did in pursuit of the truth behind their cases in such detail it's a wonder he didn't include bathroom breaks. Yet outside of the names changed to protect the innocent, this show provided some great, pretty realistic, police work. Although today it might seem "soft" compared to some other detective and cop shows, there's no denying that the show and Joe Friday remain icons of the television detective age.

7. Lenny Brisco & Robert Goren (Law & Order; Law & Order: Criminal Intent)-The fact is, I could list every single detective from the Law & Order set of series, and they'd all belong here. But nobody does detective work like Brisco and Goren. Detective Brisco, brought to life by the late great Jerry Orbach, had the personality of a canker sore-offering lines like "You're husband had sexual narcolepsy ... he kept falling into bed" to murder victims' wives-but that didn't keep him from solving his cases and making stellar detectives out of his partners. Vincent D'Onofrio's Detective Goren has always been a little ... shall we say, off-kilter? Yet his extreme intelligence and bizarrely detailed knowledge of human nature helps him pick apart a crime scene like cotton candy, and pick apart the culprits so easily they could practically confess with a smile before that look of dimwitted realization overtook their faces at the realization of what he'd just done. Imagine what these two would have been like together ... actually, it probably would have been awful, but the bad guys wouldn't have stood a chance.

6. Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan & Special Agent Seeley Booth (Bones)-Talk about a match made in heaven. She's got beauty and the brains, and he's got 'em, too. True, Dr. Brennan might have the social skills of a sponge, but she's learning, and nobody in the world can dissect a case like her. And I'm talking literally. Emily Deschanel makes prosaic forensic anthropology look cool. David Boreanaz makes the FBI look H-O-T. Together, with Bones' brains and Booth's gut-instinct, they form the perfect crime solving team. Now if only they'd form the perfect couple, have the perfect marriage, and have a few of those perfect kids fans have been sure they'd have by now ... well, everything would be perfect ... er.

5. Jack Bauer (24)-Yeah, yeah, so he's not technically a detective. But when Jack Bauer is on the case, it's gonna get solved, and it's gonna get blown up. And I mean both literally. Keifer Sutherland's Bauer doesn't take no for an answer. He doesn't take maybe for an answer. Sometimes, he doesn't even take yes for an answer. He'll shoot your wife in the kneecap to get the answer he needs. Double cross Jack Bauer, and you might as well step in front of a moving train, because he'll be on you like white on rice. You know how, in the Usual Suspects, they say the bad guys tell their kids Keyser Soze stories to scare them? Well, I'm pretty sure Keyser Soze would tell his kids Jack Bauer stories. One word explains what criminals should be thinking before they commit a crime Jack Bauer might investigate: Don't.

4. Brenda Leigh Johnson (The Closer)-Kyra Sedgwick's head of the Major Crimes Division of the LAPD is a no-nonsense kind of lady. Her gentle Southern drawl might set you at ease for a moment, but that's before she snaps into "Closer" mode and rips you to shreds. She once got a teen to confess to the murder of a Mexican citizen after finding him in a Mexican prison, only to leave him to the guards' sense of justice ... a teenager! She'll use any and every resource available to bring down a bad guy, from the FBI to the Russian Mob (no, seriously), will drawl out a "Thank you" as she blasts you to smithereens, and engages her sloppy personality and that "honeyed Georgia cadence" to trick her suspects into a false sense of security before raking them through the coals.

3. Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)-What makes Patrick Jane so great? Besides his dashing good looks, charming smile, gentle voice, and deep, engaging eyes ... oh, sorry. It's his pure joy. No, seriously ... the man puts the joy back into crime solving. The once pseudo-psychic now detective played by Aussie Simon Baker uses a keen sense of observation-plus some of his old psychic tricks-to catch the bad guys, and always with a smile. To be honest, I'm pretty sure if I was caught doing something by Jane, I'd be okay with it, even as I was being led off in handcuffs. Sometimes even the culprits seem impressed by his crime solving skills. Sure, he's sending you off to prison for the rest of your life. But when he flashes you that smile ... you're kind of okay with that.

2. Adrian Monk (Monk)-Tony Shaloub's OCD detective has one mission in life: to find the man responsible for the murder of his wife. Oh, and on the side he solves like a million cases. With his bizarre little hand motions as he moves through a crime scene, Monk remembers every detail; sometimes it's his obsessive compulsive disorder that leads to him noticing a pen that doesn't belong in the scene, or a jar that seems out of place, or a bit of dirt that takes him directly to the crime scene. When this detective says you did it, you can rest assured it's only a matter of time before he proves it. And when he says, "Here's what happened," you might as well start reaching for the cuffs, because you are going down, my friend.

1. Columbo (Columbo)-Columbo was a truly bizarre detective. Frumpy and disheveled, he always gave the appearance of having no idea what he was doing as he tried to solve a case. His wacky appearance made suspects feel at ease; there was no way, of course, such an inept little man could solve the case of his missing watch, let alone a murder. His smelly cigars were a constant irritation to all around him. He asked inane, silly little questions to his suspects, and always accepted their alibis, so that you-and the suspects, of course-always thought the case would remain forever unsolved. And then he'd turn around, just before walking out the door, and kind of mumble, "One more thing." And then, miraculously, he had you. And you realized, every single time, that Peter Falk's bumbling, fumbling, routine was just an act to trick his suspects into a false sense of security, and once he got them there he could easily spring the trap and bring out the handcuffs. Columbo, ladies and gentlemen ... Columbo.