The Amazing Race All Stars: Of Rats and Men

I was beginning to wonder if the Amazing Race All Stars show was undergoing budget cutbacks and would be filmed in Chile for the entire season. Not so! This week the intrepid racers finally get to jet off to another continent. Heck, it's about time.

Since the Romber team was eliminated last week, you'd think the seven teams left would finally be able to concentrate on running their own race and stop fretting about Rob and Amber. No suck luck! This episode begins with still more commentary about Rob and Amber, what great competitors they were, how Mirna thinks everyone is so happy that she and Charla beat Rob and Amber, and how everyone was just so sad to see Rob and Amber go. Wait, that last one was just me thinking out loud.

Never mind, the Amazing Race All Stars must leave the Romber team behind and get on with this round-the-world race to win a million dollars. Teams must go to Marshall Glacier, ride a chairlift, hike a half-mile and search for their next clue, which is buried in the snow.

The glacier's chairlift didn't open until 8 a.m., another fine example of "the great equalizer." All Amazing Race teams are now together, so they better be on their game or they'll face elimination. It probably seems a little unfair to the teams in the lead, but whatever. They can't have three teams still on the last continent when everyone else has flown off to their next destination.

At the glacier, Oswald & Danny can't find their clue and are the last to leave. I pictured them wandering the glacier for days, still trying to figure out how that darn beacon thingy worked. Beauty Queens Dustin & Kandice forget their gear and had to go back, prompting Mirna to inform us that "they're not very smart." This smacks just a little of the pot calling the kettle black.

All Amazing Race teams make the same flight to Maputo, Mozambique, so it made no difference how they performed on the last clue search after all. Shockingly, two teams (including the African American team of Uchenna and Joyce) weren't sure where Mozambique was. One has to wonder where the producers find these intelligent people!

In Maputo, teams get chauffeured (um, what happened to driving and navigating?) 45 miles to the Apopo Training Field. Eric & Danielle get into a little mini-fight with the Guidos, who didn't like them pretending to pass. The Guidos tell them to "Watch your jokes," which is a hilarious reality TV moment.

Roadblock: Who Smells a Rat?

One team member must guide a ginormous rat that's been trained to locate underground land mines. The mines have already been deactivated, which while infinitely safer for the Amazing Race All Stars teams, makes for much less exciting reality television. However, the annoying Mirna saves the day by saying something funny for once! As Charla guides a gigantic rat named Twinkletoes, Mirna tells her "It's just like a cat Charla. Meow. Meow." Charla's rat seems way more interested in grooming himself than he is in helping her get the next clue, which only adds more mirth to the moment.

Detour: Pamper or Porter

Teams must choose to either earn money by painting the fingernails of locals, or breaking their own fingernails stuffing ten giant sacks full of dirty charcoal, sewing the bags shut and hauling one of them across town. Gee, I wonder which task is faster (not to mention cleaner). It's rather amazing that only three teams choose the fingernail painting, as it seemed like such a no-brainer.

Charla and Mirna make a spectacle out of themselves during the nail painting task, but since it was so much easier than the sooty charcoal task, they manage to pull ahead to arrive at the pit stop first. They gleefully fall on the ground on top of each other when Phil tells them the news. They win a trip to Aruba which they can take just as soon as they get eliminated from the Amazing Race All Stars. Oops. That was just me thinking aloud again.

Oswald and Danny arrive at the pit stop covered in soot and looking much like male Cinderellas. They chase Phil all over the place, trying to hug him. Now that's what I call entertaining reality television! Uchenna and Joyce don't ask the locals to help them find the address for delivering their coal, hence they arrive last at the pit stop. Lucky for them, it's a non-elimination round. Now why couldn't Rob & Amber have had the same luck last week? Probably karma-but Romber was ten times more entertaining than any of the other teams, and the race just isn't the same without them.

Seven teams remain in the Amazing Race All Stars. Will Uchenna and Joyce rally from last place to stay in the race? Stay tuned.