The Amish Are Coming! The Amish Are Coming! (Part One)

It seems that my neighborhood is smack in the middle of a territorial takeover. Yes, the Mennonites are moving in by the dozen, lately.

More than ten years ago, news spread that an Amish general store was opening in our area. I remember being a teenager in the backseat of Mom and Dad's car, anxious and perhaps even a bit nervous as, mile by mile, we got closer to the store for the very first time. I recall holding back giggles as the cast of "Little House on the Prairie" hurried past us, helping their "English" customers in the order that they came in.

We walked out of that store with Amish pastries, cheese and lunch meat. I know, now, that my folks had to have spent almost fifty dollars that day. I remember how much of a big deal my dad made over the bologna that reminded him so much of "...how bologna tasted back in the good old days." All I tasted was bologna - much like every other piece of bologna that had ever gone down into my gut for the past fourteen years.

Much like every other family in the area, that little trip down to the general store became a weekly ritual for us.

I remember how it would be a big deal to see those little, black horse-drawn buggies traveling down the road, taking an Amish family to wherever it is Amish families go in our area. It was quite the rare sight back then.

Eighteen years later, we have Amish folks running around everywhere. That little general store which, years ago, was thought of as a "nice little business" is now considered to be "a gold mine". Now there is another Amish owned general store twenty miles away in the other direction. Thirty miles away is a large, Amish furniture factory outlet. Amish bakeries are popping up everywhere. Not even a mile from my house, an Amish fellow is running a successful produce stand in front of his home.

The real kicker here is that they are always busy.

But how legitimate is the promise of Amish business?

Some time ago at work, while running a load of garbage to the big, hydraulic dumpster, I listened in to an interesting conversation between the boss over Shipping/Receiving and a truck driver who was waiting on a shipment to be logged in as "sent". All the way in the front of the trailer was a large stack of wooden bar stools. The truck driver was holding one of those stools up, showing the ink letters beneath the seat that read, Made in Mexico. When the trucker was asked where he was taking those bar stools, he laughed and said, "Takin' 'em down to Amish Alley. They sand off the letters under the seat, varnish 'em and sell 'em as their own."

Could it be that our beloved Amish are cheaters? If so, would this be considered, "Organized Crime"?

When I think about it, it has been months since I have seen that particular truck driver...