The Art of the Blind Date

"Blind date." The phrase alone is enough to send most people running in the opposite direction. Society tends to view blind dates as the only option left for those who have trouble meeting others. Parents and family are often seen as attempting to set up their own children in hopes of marrying them off, and people never actually think a blind date will yield good results. A blind date can also be viewed as a way to trick someone into going on a date with a person they would never have gone out with under any other circumstances.

I for one, have been on quite a number of blind dates in the past few years, most often as a favor for a friend who was afraid to be alone on her first date with a guy she was interested in. I can't say that I've ever had a great blind date; in fact, I've had a couple pretty bad ones, but, regardless of my feelings during the date, I always conducted myself in a proper manner to make what little time I spent on that date was endurable for myself as well as the other person involved. I also did it out of respect for my friend that had set up the date; after all, i wouldn't want to cause her any embarassment in front of the guy she liked.

The most important thing I have learned in my experiences: lose your expectations before the date. Don't start imagining how wonderful your date could be, and how you guys will magically hit it off and the rest will be history, flash forward to your wedding and honeymoom in Maui. Too many women make the mistake of dreaming about all the possibilities, and then they meet the guy and feel completely let down and disappointed. You must learn to face the situation as realistically as possible. The only person that knows you best is YOU, and while your best friend might think you'll like a certain guy, chances are what she views as "great" is very different from your definition of the same word. Before the date just say to yourself, "If he isn't what I want in a guy, it's okay. If I don't like him, I never have to see him again. It's a few hours from my life, nothing more, and nothing less." Take it for what it is.

Another sad thing to take note of is that your friend, in vain efforts to get you to go out on the date, will attempt to "dress up" as much about the person's qualities as she can. She won't focus on the fact that he just got out of rehab last summer or has one too many tattoos on his body. She'll try to emphasize the fact that he is an incredible artist or is on a football scholarship. And always beware if when describing him, your friend uses words such as "interesting" or "different". That's a red flag right there. I'm not saying don't go on the date, I'm just mentioning the fact that you should beware.

Not that looks are everything, but of course you would prefer to meet someone that you have a potential attraction to. A lot of girls, upon meeting their blind date and discovering that he is actually quite good looking, immediately think the date is going to be successful. Not the case. Just because your date is attractive does not mean he is a good person. He could end up being cocky and full of himself, or an extreme wallflower who barely says a word the entire night. If his personality is lacking, then don't bother.

Some guys are incredible actors. I have been on dates with guys where everything seemed to go perfectly, and I thought the guy was really into me. They even go the extra mile and get your phone number and ask if they can call you again. Weeks go by, and no phone call. Chances are they probably weren't that into you but felt bad so they figured asking for your number would save them face and help end the night on a good note. When you look at that viewpoint, it kind of makes sense, although I would personally prefer a guy to be man enough to not play games with me or pretend to be into me. It's a waste of both our time.

Another thing to remember: just because your friend's date is hot does not guarantee that his friend for you will be equally hot. A lot of good looking guys tend to have some goofy looking sidekick as their best friend. Just watch any action-comedy movie out there. This has proven to be the case on many of the blind dates I have gone on. I must admit, I was definitely let down several times, but it simply helped reinforce reality for me.

And whatever you do, don't lower your standards or try to force yourself to be attracted to the guy. If you're not feeling the date, then you're simply not feeling it. A guy won't force himself to like you, so why should you do the same? A lot of girls try to focus on what few aspects of the guy that they find likable. "He's so funny" or "He dresses really nicely" should not be the basis for a girl to form a relationship with a guy. In the long run, you'll only be doing yourself and the other person a disservice by having a relationship on a false and superficial pretense.

Still put in effort for the date. Don't go all out, but make sure to look nice and like you put in some time. And when you meet the guy, you'll pretty much know if it's going to work out or not. Let's choose worst case scenario: he's not your type. Is he completely out of the ball-game, or is he just not right for you because you have a very specific criteria? If you like preppy boys and he isn't exactly the preppiest boy but still a nice guy, no reason why you can't attempt to enjoy the date and get to know him. He might end up being really great. But if he's your total opposite or you're just not physically attracted to him in the least, then you shouldn't act too interested or lead him on. Many girls make this mistake because they don't want to be rude, but it's kind of rude to lie to a guy and make him think he stands a chance when he doesn't at all, don't you think?

If you don't want a guy to think you're into him on a blind date, simply avoid too much eye contact with him. If you feel him staring at you, pretend to be oblivious. Of course when you are speaking to him or he is speaking to you, give a little eye contact for courtesy's sake, but keep your gaze down from 3-5 seconds. Eye contact is seen as intimate, and he may think you're having a "moment" when really you're trying not to stare at that mole on his face. Also, maintain a safe physical distance. Don't touch him, and don't let him touch you. Don't stand across the room and make him think you're afraid of him, but definitely keep a respectable distance from his body.

And don't lead him on by talking about things you two could do together in the future, or "if you see him again" and what not, because he will think you're dropping hints that you should go out again. Just be nice, smile, contribute to the conversation, and try to focus your attention on the other couple. I even advise speaking with your friend that is setting you up on the date beforehand. Let her know that you don't want to make it a long night, and that you won't appreciate it if she and her guy go off and leave you and your date unattended. They can do that on their own time.

If the guy ends up being a total jerk and you get the impression that he feels let down by you, that's not your fault. You're just there being you, and if he doesn't like you, then he needs to grow up. You don't want to waste your time with someone who doesn't appreciate you, especially when you know there are other guys out there who would treat you well. On a final note, just because your blind date didn't have a romantic connection doesn't mean there couldn't be a platonic one. If you both hit it off and would like to be friends, why not? And you never know, he may end up having a friend that you might have a romantic connection with later down the line. It is, after all, a small and random world.