The Art of High Society

A deep, throaty voice speaks from the intercom system. "Please excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. This is Vincent Billet-Doux, and I am the deputy chairman of the newly renovated Détente Auction House. We pleased to have you with us tonight, and we are now admitting our guests into our exclusive suite. Our house representatives will be at the doors to greet you personally. Thank you and enjoy your evening here with us."

Chloe is one of the first to arrive at the marble steps of the fabulous new art gallery she's heard so much about- the same art gallery plastered in Vogue, raved about in US Weekly, and featured in People's "Ten Hot Spots for the Big Shots." As humiliated as she is to arrive unescorted, she knows that Richard is playing another round of golf with prospective clients. Chloe is by no means bitter; swinging metal clubs on wet grass is simply not her forte. Art, however, enables Chloe to chat with the most worldly and sophisticated people in the fantastically busy city of New York. There is just something distinguished about buying exquisite pieces of art; it denotes an air of class, of savoir-faire in the world of the incredibly wealthy.

The banquet hall empties quickly, as the guests rush in to find the best seats in the house. As Chloe sits down next to a German couple, she searches the house for a glimpse of New York regulars. Across the room, she spots Emily von Bach, a dreadful, clearly unnatural blonde with a beauty mark on the corner of her eye she hadn't gotten around to removing yet. Seated just in front of Emily is Mariella Pondrelli, who Chloe notices missed her last eyebrow waxing. Even Corinne Goxemburg, a former Miss American Ginger, has allowed nearly a quarter of an inch of her roots to grow in.

Chloe is disgusted at these women in the presence of the crème de la crème of New York. She sighs as the lights dim-After all, she hasn't let herself go... yet.

A sharp young man in a gold suit walks up to the podium, and everyone in the room is silent as he speaks, "Good evening. I'm Vincent Billet-Doux again, and as the deputy chairman, I am honored to be tonight's auctioneer of the magnificent new Détente Auction House."

The house is wild with applause, more likely for the man's British accent and tousled hair than for the opening ceremonies. Not that the golden color scheme is of poor taste, but Chloe knows that some people are simply more distracted than others when it comes to superficial details.

Vincent resumes, "Please, I remind you, this is a contemporary art exhibition. It is my sincere wish that such refined guests such as yourselves will appreciate the depth of unparalleled beauty our pieces have to offer. Our first piece of the evening, please, Anna?"

A stunning brunette with a turquoise beaded gown walks in from the gold satin curtains and presents a velvet sachet. Chloe is among the hundreds of guests straining to get a better look. Vincent opens the sachet with delicate precision, and carefully pulls out... a fork.

"Ladies and gentlemen, common folk would pass this off as a plain old house fork. But this is a rare masterpiece up for sale from the sensational sculptress Martha Adams, known throughout western Europe for her acute sense of elegance," Vincent marveled. "The outer prongs represent fear and rejection, which too often suppress the inner prongs, symbolizing love and kindness. I remind you, it takes a chic connoisseur to recognize true beauty such as this. Bidding may begin."

In a fury, auction cards flash from all corners of the room; no guest in the proper place wants to be seen as unappreciative of modern art. To Chloe's bitter disappointment, the pasty-white lady in an unfortunate orange hat closes the bidding with a couple grand and change. Not a fortune, but this was, after all, a local auction.

"Very well, we will proceed," Vincent continues on to the next item. "Anna, darling, kindly bring us the next piece," he prompts her.

Gold glitter explodes from the balconies, and the brunette slides to the floor on a rope from the catwalk, holding a gold sequined pillow in her hand. The crowd is close to hysteria. This is not the Moulin Rouge!

"Thank you, my dear," Vincent waves her off and allows the crowd, impatient with excitement, to get a better look at the item. "We feel blessed to have this exquisite piece here for you today, all the way from Montagu Island. Now at first glance, a mere denizen might mistake it for a coffee filter, yet these ethereal fibers crafted by an anonymous donor are heavenly, and the pleated radial design represents a desire to broaden horizons. We will now be accepting bids..."

And before Vincent takes a breath, not a face in the crowd can be seen, for each is hidden behind an auction card. It takes the house assistants almost twenty minutes to sort out the highest bidder, and it comes down to a repulsive twenty-something redhead in Chanel suit from last season. Chloe is appalled at the result. Exasperated as she is at her misfortune, Chloe knows that the last breathtaking item is to be presented shortly. The familiar throaty voice resounds through the house to announce the final piece.

Vincent begins, "Ladies and gentlemen, the Détente Auction House is pleased to present the third and final masterpiece up for auction this evening. Anna?"

Anna steps out from behind the golden satin curtain and hands Vincent a Victorian key the size of a candlestick. Amid golden sparks, a trapdoor bursts open from the floor of the stage, and a safe appears. The crowd murmurs in amazement, and Chloe forgets to breathe.

Unlocking the safe, Vincent continues, "Designed exclusively for this event by world-renown jeweler Mr. Adam Smith, this magnificent piece of fine jewelry combines elements of nature, industry, and romanticism in a classic circle, symbolizing the everlasting union between practicality and beauty. Ladies and gentlemen, there are many knockoffs, there are many fakes, but this is a genuine work of art... I present our final piece entitled 'The Rubber Band!'"

The audience is silent in awe as Vincent holds a delicate beige and coral bracelet on a glass prism, and auction cards immediately fan the house before bidding officially commences. Every woman in the auction house knows that bracelet is her ticket to becoming an A-lister at the next big event in the New York social scene.

"I love this artist!" Chloe squeals to a white-haired lady with a tight French twist and huge diamond necklace seated behind her. "I'm positive I've heard of him before..." she thinks. The lady nods in fervent approval, and Chloe raises her bid on her auction card.

The rest of the night is a blur to Chloe; after all the false congratulations and scarcely sincere accolades, she is emotionally exhausted. Staring at the rubber masterpiece on her wrist in the limo ride to her estate, she can't wait to show her husband her grand purchase of the night, and finally prove to him her sophistication in appreciating the beauty in bona fide art.