The Art of Making Amends

Those of us who frequently suffer from "hoof in mouth" disease, and are blinded by errors in judgment, rarely make it through the day without suffer the sin of faux pas. Some learn to apologize swiftly and gracefully and others in their failure rob their offended with the opportunity to practice forgiveness.

A heated word has left many a mouth, and thoughtless deeds have suffered from hands of the most beloved of God. The most effective way to make retribution for a thoughtless word or deed is to make sure that your apology is swift and sincere, and you maintain an honest desire not to commit the same sin in the future.

A rose delivered instead of an apology is apt to cause thorns in any relationship. Tokens are not meant to replace sincere regret. What is wrong with repeated bouquets is that it does not deliver the intention of not repeating the behavior, nor does it nip resentment in the bud. If change does not take place even the best relationship will wilt.

Sometimes accepting and apology is as important as the ability to deliver them. Be magnanimous. Amends means to restore to the original state. Do not deny the other person an opportunity for spiritual growth.

Making restitution means replacing what is lost or destroyed. A simple "I'm sorry" will not always replace what is damaged. Some things cannot be replaced. They will simply be substituted. Psychic damage runs deeper than material loss. Trust is a very fragile commodity, the loss of trust may be extremely costly to a relationships. Amends take time, effort and sometimes expense. Do not expect the restoration to be immediate.

Sometimes situations in life require an apology even when you're right. In order to keep the peace and keep relationships in tact, it may mean asking your self "Do I want to be right or happy? The second question is "How important is it, anyway?" What will the other person remember when you are gone?

There are times when we cannot relieve our own guilt by confessing to others. Save your confessions for a spiritual advisor. A husband need not know what his wife did before they were wed, a wife need not always know about the infidelities of the past. What is critical is the sincere desire to correct the problem by being the loving, stable spouse your partner desires.

If your behavior has hurt others, you must consider the further hurt you may inflect by clearing your conscious. Consider how many lives your amend will affect. Will this affect benefit them of you? If your confession or amends will inflict further harm, refrain yourself and find another way to serve your penance.