The Art of Making Out

Seems like just yesterday: my wife and I escaped from the clutches of child-care, in-laws and extended family for a midnight rendezvous at the beach. The still of the moon, crashing waves, gentle breezes. All the pieces were in place for a romantic interlude with the girl of my dreams. We'd waited weeks for this moment. Our hearts were beating; the hairs on our neck were standing on end. My blood is racing. We both leaned in ever so slowly, puckered up our lips and...started making out.

Whoa Nelly! Did I hear just hear a record scratch somewhere? Did the tide just come in and pull me out with it? Did the heat of the moment come to crashing halt? Let's hope not. Because in the final analysis, all the passion and murmured phrases of "I love you" just mask the basic animal instinct of why couples meet in a lover's embrace: we enjoy making out. Boy kissing girl, woman kissing man, people kissing. Whatever the schematic, it all adds up to the same thing. Sometimes there is no substitute for the unbridled feeling of lust that you get from some serious lip-locking.

I'm not sure at what point I distinguished between making out, necking and just plain 'ol having sex. As an unbridled youth, and even today as a happily married adult, kissing is certainly the road to all future physical success. What some people think is great kissing, others may dislike. Some people like light tender kissing, while others prefer to get all hot and heavy. It is really a matter of preference, practice and chemistry that determines how good you are at kissing. I'm no expert, but I imagine there are some unwritten kissing "don'ts" that are agreed upon by many couples, sociologists and teenagers. Thumbs down to wet and slobbery kisses, over eager partners, unromantic gestures, overly busy hands and too much tongue. Although far be from me to dictate what constitutes all of the above. I've had girlfriends, lovers and even grandparents who have enjoyed wet and slobbery kisses, overly busy hands and too much tongue (the tongue not necessarily being in the partner's mouth).

Making out usually serves as the metaphor for the act of two people engaged in prolonged kissing. But who exactly coined the termed "making out" anyway? Why don't we refer to kissing as "making pancakes"..? Or "slopping the hog"..? Next time you're in the office with your buddies, see what kind of look you get when you mention that the date you had last night "made one hell of a pancake.

Which raises another question: What's the difference between making out and necking? Necking, as the term implies, involves kissing and licking of the neck, sometimes considered to be an erogenous zone. What happened to other erogenous zones? Why don't we have other related terms like 'footing" or "elbows"..? Why give the neck all the attention? Necking is usually done one partner at a time, since a couple both kissing each others' necks is usually difficult or uncomfortable at best. Besides, while you're busy necking, your partner can look at their watch or cell phone message.

Let me be the first to state (o-k, maybe not the first) that in some circles, making out is now being heralded as more exciting than sex. Maybe it's this era of political correctness that we've trapped ourselves in, but whoever decided that the whole touchy-feely thing is more exciting with your clothes on is really missing out on something.

Twenty years later and making out with my wife still gets my heart beating. Especially late at night and at the beach. I only wish she'd worry less about getting sand in her butt and think more about kissing her husband.