The Attack of the "Frienemy"

In life, there are those who annoy us, those who betray us, those who use us, those who abuse us, and those who lie to us. Do you know someone who does these things to you? If so, you may be dealing with the classic scenario of friendship gone bad: the "frienemy."

In order to recognize a frienemy, you must proceed with caution. Be aware that people are not always sincere in their presentation. A good rule of thumb to follow is that it takes three solid months of spending most of your time around a person in order to truly get to know them. Do not be fooled by instantaneous comraderation.

The first sign of a frienemy is something I like to call "licky-sweetness." The licky sweet individual takes great pride in singing your praises - to your face. They compliment you on everything you wear. They compliment you on bad hair days. They rejoice in everything you do, no matter how insignificant. Too much flattery can be a bad thing.

When people lavish attention and compliments upon us, it is easy to mistake these acts for marks of true friendship. Be warned, the pouring on of flattery is not always as blatant as you would think. Be aware of subtle changes in your frienemy's image, i.e. clothing, hairstyle, taste in jewelry, hair color. In an effort to "out do" you, a frienemy will often attempt to emulate your style.

A frienemy is always there when you need them. They are always eager to listen to all the details of your latest personal drama. There is a fine line between a shoulder to cry on and a frienemy. The trick is to pay close attention to the individual's body language. Are they genuinely concerned or do you detect a hint of pleasure in their eyes or facial expression?

You may be thinking that a person who is always there through all of your trials and troubles sounds like a good friend. In fact, this may be the case; however, be aware that a frienemy is out to work an agenda. Of course they want to know all about what really gets to you - they are trying to sniff out your weaknesses in order to gain an advantage over you.

A true frienemy is waiting to throw you under the bus. Do not mistake your "friendship" for a safety net. At the first sign of a potential promotion or advancement, a frienemy will "stab you in the back" and put themselves first if it is personally beneficial. Loyalty? What does that mean?

If all other means fail, leave it to the grapevine. Sooner or later, you will begin to encounter people who have either previously suffered the wrath of your frienemy or have heard said frienemy speak ill of you.

To "out" a true frienemy, it is necessary to bust out your Sherlock Holmes gear and do some hardcore investigating. Distinguishing a frienemy is a process and cannot be achieved in a day. Whatever you do, know yourself and trust your gut. If a person seems too good to be true, they probably are.