The Bachelor - Season 14, Episode Nine, the Final Rose - Random Thoughts

The day that we have all been waiting for on The Bachelor has finally arrived - the day of the final rose ceremony.

My opinion about what happens on this episode of The Bachelor was already sullied by Reality Steve. I didn't know about him before this season, but apparently, he has a lot of inside information about The Bachelor, and he predicted that Jake would propose to Vienna on the season finale.

Going in with this in mind, I thought that things didn't look good for Tenley very early on. Jake describes Tenley as being "too good to be true" and, because of this, he found himself trying to pick her apart. I don't think this is the way that you would describe someone that you plan on proposing to momentarily. On the other hand, Jake describes his chemistry with Vienna as "lightening hot."

Jake professes over and over that he is "in love with two women at the same time for different reasons." Jake is hoping that over the course of the last episode, one woman will reveal herself as "the perfect girl for the next 60 years." Jake's choice of words continues to amaze me - I just find him to be incredibly dorky.

Next, Jake reunites with his family in St. Lucia - his parents, brothers, and sisters-in-law. Jake implores his family - "help me fall in love." Ewwwwww.

Tenley is the first woman to meet Jake's family on the final episode of The Bachelor. It didn't take a rocket scientist to predict that Tenley would hit it off with Jake's family. They love Tenley. They say things about Tenley like - "She touched me" and "she's such a sweetheart." Jake's mom declares that Tenley is "the perfect woman for Jake." No surprises here!

Next, Vienna is scheduled to meet Jake's family. Before she even gets there, Jake puts his foot in his mouth when he tells his family that Vienna is the girl "that everybody didn't like." This clearly grabs his family's attention, particularly that of Jake's mother, who is not amused.

Jake doesn't know why he "warned" his family about Vienna, and he is upset that they have already formed an opinion of Vienna before they have even met her.

Vienna finally arrives, and, again, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to predict that awkwardness will ensue. Within five minutes of arriving, Vienna announces that "the girls in the house hated me from the beginning." Not a great way to make a good first impression!

The uneasiness continues. There are a lot of uncomfortable silences during dinner. Vienna continues to say stupid things.

Jake's family is clearly not feeling it with Vienna at this point. Jake's brother says that he thinks Vienna's "brutal honesty" is just "an immature defense mechanism." Jake's sister-in-law describes Vienna as "confrontational." Jake's mother seems particularly unimpressed. She directly tells Jake that she has her guard up with Vienna and that Vienna raises red flags for her.

On an unrelated note, is it just me, or did Jake's mother seem really obsessed with wanting her daughters-in-law to get along? She grilled both Tenley and Vienna about this subject. Honestly, she seemed more concerned about Tenley and Vienna getting along with her daughters-in-law than she was about them getting along with Jake. I found it to be very odd, and it really caused me not to like Jake's mother.

As all of this was going on, I was secretly wondering in my mind when the tide was going to turn. I just had a feeling that it would. Sure enough, it happens. First, Vienna has a conversation with Jake's sisters-in-law that changes their minds about her. Vienna babbles on about how much she loves Jake and about how she cannot imagine her life without him. Talking with Vienna, the sisters-in-law see that she really cares about Jake and that she sees Jake for who he really is. One of Jake's sisters-in-law goes so far as to say to Jake afterwards - "I am feeling guilty about judging her."

Similarly, Vienna wins Jake's mother over in a one-on-one conversation. This is one of the things that I hate the most about The Bachelor - any problems or concerns that anyone ever has about anyone else are completely and utterly resolved in the span of less than 10 minutes. Jake himself says that his family did a "180" and that now they see Vienna "for who she really is, a great girl with a heart of gold." I find this whole sequence with Jake's family to be totally unbelievable.

In my prior recaps, I said that I had been hoping that Jake wouldn't pick either Tenley or Vienna. I didn't feel that either one of them was right for him. But it becomes clear as the episode goes on that Jake probably is going to propose. When one of his family members directly asks him if he is going to ask someone to marry him, he says "yes." So much for my theory!

Next, Jake has his final dates with both women on The Bachelor. Vienna's date is first. She and Jake go to Soufrere Sulfur Spring, a natural spa on St. Lucia. Vienna is not thrilled about this date. She says that the springs smell like "rotten eggs" and that there is "mud everywhere."

But, in true Vienna fashion, her adventurous side takes over, and she throws herself into the date. She says that it ended up "being much more fun than I was predicting." She and Jake get down and dirty in the mud, rubbing it all over each other and making out. I could have done without this part, and honestly couldn't wait for it to be over.

At the end of the date, Vienna gives a present to Jake - the promise ring that was given to her by her father. I didn't really understand why she did this, and I'm not sure that Jake did either. Overall, the date seemed to go very well, and Vienna is looking like a strong contender at this point.

Tenley's final date is up next on The Bachelor. They head off on a chartered boat and go snorkeling. While they are on the boat, Jake raises an issue that puts the final nail in the coffin for Tenley. He tells her that their "emotional chemistry" is "alarmingly hot" but that the "physical chemistry" is "building slowly." Tenley responds by saying - "I think that's how it's supposed to be."

Jake babbles on and states that when he says "physical chemistry," he doesn't mean "sexual chemistry." When Tenley asks him what he does mean by physical chemistry, he says "crazy, mad, passionate love." Jake doesn't make a lot of sense to me during this sequence, so I am not surprised when Tenley is confused by what he is saying.

After this exchange, Tenley says that she is not confident that Jake will choose her, and I agree. It is painfully clear that she is doomed. Dinner that evening seems to go well however, with Jake telling Tenley how much he appreciated the fact that she didn't shut him down when they were talking on the boat. I agree that Tenley has done nothing but act graciously throughout the entire season and that she does appear to be a wonderful person. But for whatever reason, it is not happening between her and Jake.

Finally, it's time for Jake to make a decision. He goes on and on about how he is not ready to decide. He even says that his mind is "flip flopping every 30 minutes," a statement that I find to be completely ridiculous. Somebody tell me -why in the world am I watching this show??

Jake is so torn up that when he meets with the jeweler to pick out an engagement ring, he actually takes two rings, one for Vienna and one for Tenley. I don't think that this has ever happened before on The Bachelor, and I can't get over my "this is way over the top" feeling. I am feeling very put off by this entire finale!

As mentioned earlier, emotions on The Bachelor turn on a dime. So when it comes time to propose, Jake totally resolves his doubts, and he is 100% sure of his decision. He says "I know what's in my heart. I know what I'm doing is right." If this is in fact true, then everything that came before now seems to be fake, which is another thing I don't like about this show.

Tenley is the first woman to arrive by helicopter at Jade Mountain in St. Lucia. We all know that Tenley is not going to get that engagement ring. Jake starts off by saying that he loves that they share the "same morals, values, and temperament" and that he loves her "smiles and positivity."

Jake also says that Tenley is "perfect," which I find particularly amusing because that is exactly what Jillian said about Jake when she let him go on the prior season of The Bachelorette. Jake denied what Jillian said and was very hurt by it, so you would think that he would be sensitive about saying the exact same thing to someone else. Not!

Jake then says something to Tenley that I think actually makes sense. He tells Tenley that he had her on a pedestal. He said that he was not comfortable being himself around her and that he felt that something had to be forced in the relationship.

Tenley was gracious as always in the face of rejection. She thanked Jake for making her feel special and for showing her that she could have love in her life again. For a moment, it looked like Jake might reconsider as he was escorting Tenley to the car, but it wasn't meant to be.

Finally, Vienna arrived by helicopter. I really could not tell where Jake was going when he first started talking. He gives Vienna her promise ring back because he thinks it is "important." For a second, I think that he's actually not going to propose to her, despite his insistence that he would propose to someone earlier on.

But, Jake does get down on one knee, and manages to propose to Vienna, saying "I love you with everything that I am." For me, this was a very lame proposal. That's all he said, one sentence, followed by "Will you marry me?" I truly expected more from the king of schmaltz. I guess he was just overwhelmed by the moment. The proposal is followed by a cheesy montage with the "On the Wings of Love" theme playing in the background.

On After the Final Rose, Ali was announced as the new Bachelorette. Apparently everyone in America except for me has fallen in love with her. I truly didn't appreciate all of her negativity this season, so I don't think I will be watching her in May because I simply don't like her!

So that's it my friends, Jake and Vienna are engaged. I'm just glad it's over.

Thanks for sticking with me on this season of The Bachelor, and keep on being amazing!