The Bachelorette 2010 Finale: Ali Chooses Roberto, Chris Gets Frank'd?

The Bachelorette finale aired August 2 on ABC, concluding Ali Fedotowsky's season 6 worldwide quest for lifelong love and happiness on beautiful Bora Bora. But it wasn't your formulaic, predictable sobbing-as-the-limo-pulls-away ending to the show. For the first time in history, a finalist failed to advance to the final rose ceremony: Blondie dismissed hopeful Chris Lambton at the start of their last-chance date in favor of eventual winner Roberto Martinez. (That's right, ladies: Chris is available! Let the swooning commence.) Wondering how it all played out and what I really think of Ali after watching her giggle and snicker and pant over Roberto all season long? Read on.

The Bachelorette finale started off with a lot of Ali talking about her journey. I tried to pay attention, really I did, but I wound up hearing a whole lotta blah blah blah, giggle giigle giggle. The gist of it: 'I like Chris and Roberto. They're amazing. They're cool. Either of them could be the right one.' Badda bing.

Later, Roberto and Ali met up for the big family pow wow. Roberto claimed to be nervous and stressed; Ali giggled. A lot. Again. Ali's mom, brother Michael and sister Raya looked pleased to meet Roberto. The dad looked... skeptical. Very, very skeptical. Like he wished he had a shotgun he could whip out and polish. Raya and Michael took Roberto outside for a chat while blondie stayed inside with mom and dad. Mom lapped up Ali's praise for Roberto, while again, dad looked... skeptical. Mom took Roberto aside for a private talk, and he asked what he could do to make Ali happy for a lifetime; mom said he was already doing what needed to be done. Oof, she likes him! There were even joyful tears, and a corny but very sweet moment when mom praised his pure heart in Spanish.

Next up: Roberto versus... er, chatted with dad. Roberto stressed that his goal was to make Ali happy, and proclaimed his love for her. After a pause, dad gave him his blessing. Wow, that was easy. Up next, mom instigated a salsa dancing lesson, and Ali was totally pumped to see Roberto blending in with her family so easily. After the happy maybe-couple departed, Ali gave him googly eyes and they smooched.

With Roberto's first round action in the books, it was Chris's turn to meet the parents. Chris entered the meeting with a cooler head than Roberto did, I think. The group made quick connections over occupations and Massachusetts, and during the meal, dad made a toast to Chris. All was going swimmingly until mom asked about Chris' mom. He looked sad and a little taken aback, but told the story again for the group. And once again, I felt tears spring to my eyes. It just sucks that Ali isn't more into him. Raya and Michael took him outside for the requisite chat, and Chris explained his slow and steady approach to The Bachelorette. Back inside, Ali and mom chatted over blondie's dislike of their slowboat relationship development. She definitely needed convincing. Could it be more obvious that she perferred Roberto? No. (See my Frank and Hypocrisy Rant below.)

Regardless of other stuff, up next on The Bachelorette finale dad and Chris headed outside for a private chat. Oddly, he evaded the first 'do you love my daughter' query, focusing instead on the value of family. Was it an edit, or did it actually play out that way? Hmmmm? He went on to ask, in typical meandering fashion, for dad's blessing, and dad complied. Phew. Post-meeting, Ali and Chris had a solo chat. There was a kiss, but Ali didn't hang on him like she hung on Roberto. Chris, you're running out of gas!

With both guys off-scene, Ali chatted with the fam about her feelings. While dad called Chris a nice guy, he preferred Roberto and thought he was the more devoted of the two. Raya and Mike disagreed, and praised Chris for the 'real-ness' of his relationship with their sister. Raya pointed out that the fireworks can fade, but that a slower-paced relationship that forms over time is more of a real-deal. Right on, Raya. Ali looked conflicted, like she wished they'd just go on and agree with whatever little thoughts were floating around inside her head.

Up next on The Bachelorette 2010 finale, Ali (wearing a truly hideous yellow thing) met up with Roberto for a date. She was spritely and spastic and clearly pumped to be with him. They jet skiied and Ali praised his thrill-seeking nature. They dismounted the contraption when they came across a school of rays. Ali screeched and sucked up Roberto's protective reaction like sweet candy. They moved on to a picnic on a private beach and she again praised his sexiness. (Shallow, table for one.) They danced in the rain and kissed more. But snotty comments aside, I do like Roberto. Really. (Maybe Roberto could pick Chris? I like Ali the least of the three peeps still standing and you gotta admit, that'd be one heck of a twist.)

After a break, Roberto prepped for his evening with Ali and stressed over the importance of that night. Ali hoped that he'd be more emotionally open. (Er, well, he's been pretty open all along, blondie.) They sat on a couch and talked about their pre-Bachelorette ideals, and Ali once again called him perfect. And she giggled and pawed him more. Accompanied by a bottle of champagne, Roberto led her into the bedroom and presented her with a framed, inscribed photo of the two of them. She looked like she'd rather be ripping his clothes off than looking at a gift. He went on to profess his love for her, and she responded by kissing him more and giggling. (I clearly missed the boat by not launching an official Giggle Count.) She's hooked. Sayonara, Chris honey.

An unaware Chris enthusiastically prepared for his date the next morning and was so excited about potentially proposing to Ali. And then... the ominous door knock. (I'm feeling Frank flashbacks.) A breathless and scattered Ali sat down on the couch with Chris and told him how much her family loved him. Chris seemed to sense that something was wrong, and encouraged her to "just say it". She floundered more, and basically told him that it was over without saying it was over. She told him she was in love "with somebody else" and that she needed to "let him go" there instead of at the rose ceremony. Chris looked completely shattered. It broke my heart to see it. He thanked her for sparing him the ceremony and for being honest, and said he'd miss her. Man, it broke my heart. As much as it shames me to admit it, I cried.

A very collected Chris said he still wanted to see Ali happy, and then noted that just after she left, he saw a rainbow: A sign from his mom. Aw. So sweet.

Chris, you deserve so much better than that sniveling, giggling child. Your match is out there. She really, really is. And she's so much more than you could ever imagine. (Just please don't be the next Bachelor.)

After a break, Ali and Roberto separately waxed poetic about one another, and Roberto had a visitor from a jeweler to look at... dum da dum... rings. He chose one, but then took a mental step backward and worried over whether or not he should propose because he wasn't sure it was the right thing for him... huh? That wins for screwy comment of the evening. Thanks dude. Chris fan though I was and as weirded out as I was by that last comment of his, Roberto was lookin' smokin' all dressed up and ready to go. Woot!

The segment flipped between Roberto heading toward to rose ceremony and Ali (dressed up in a billowy golden gown) awaiting his arrival. Oh, the drama. Not.

Finally, the big moment! The Bachelorette finale came to a close as Roberto - as yet unaware that Chris was out of the picture - arrived and shared his feelings. Ali giggled (again) and they kissed, and she let the cat out of the bag that he was the last man standing. Then she giggled more and a profusely sweating Roberto dropped to one knee and proposed. And of course, she accepted. And they hoped to live happily ever after.

The Much Anticipated Frank Rant.

I like Roberto. I think he's probably a great guy. And it's nice that Ali went with what she felt her heart wanted.

But come on, let's get real. Ali was smooshy-gooshy over Roberto from day one; she could hardly hide her drool bubbles at the sight of his manly chest and she giggled like an idiot and called him perfect, for pete's sake. Despite my unabashed preference for Chris, I knew going into the finale that she'd pick Roberto. Duh! So it's pretty easy to liken what Ali did to Chris to what Frank did to Ali, right? Absotively. Same dealio. Let me spell it out.

Frank had doubts, explored his heart, chose Nicole, and told Ali before she got to the rose ceremony.

Ali had doubts, explored HER heart, chose Roberto, and told Chris before she got to the rose ceremony.

Ali pitched a fit and called Frank a horrible person for leading her on, but dude, Ali did the same darn thing to Chris. It doesn't matter that she dumped him before their last date. Chris should cry and pitch a hissy fit over being dumped last-minute when Ali knew full-well that she preferred someone else a long time ago. (But of course, he'd never do that because he's truly a good person.) So a big, fat, BOO to Ali for being a hypocritical twit.

(And yes, I do know that Chris was aware that Ali would be cavorting with other men. I just feel like once she got to the point that she knew Roberto was IT - which I firmly believe was a long time ago - she should've let Chris go. But she didn't.)

Best wishes to Roberto and Ali, and a heartfelt best of luck to Chris.

So it's a wrap: The Bachelorette 2010 is over and we're all done with Ali Fedotowsky. Onto better things!

Sources

The Bachelorette Finale, August 2, 2010, ABC