The Ballad of Jesse the Freemartin Cow

Cows occasionally have twins, but the twins are either both male, both female, or male and "freemartin." The "freemartin" is genetically female, but the hormones from the male embryo sterilize the female embryo.

My wife and I got into a long discussion once about what life must be like for a freemartin. Here's our answer.

The Ballad of Jesse the Freemartin Cow

Jesse was a freemartin cow
Not quite fish and not quite fowl
No calves for Jesse the freemartin cow

She wasn't a she, nor was she a he
Something different, something in between
She's quite sure that her brother's to blame

So Jesse moos along
Singing her freemartin song
She's gonna be a pop star

Jesse tried a number of trades
But nothing ever got her paid
Perhaps it was the lack of opposable thumbs

Then she decided to move to LA
To smell the smog instead of the hay
Completely unencumbered by curds and whey

So Jesse moos along
Singing her freemartin song
She's gonna be a pop star

Jesse met a bull named Jill
Spent their evenings in the Hollywood hills
With Jill's partner, a Holstein named Wild Bill

They found it not odd at all
That Jesse never could decide which stall
She's stand there for hours til she started to bawl

So Jesse moos along
Singing her freemartin song
She's gonna be a pop star

Now Jesse the freemartin cow
Works in a bar called the Pussycat Lounge
She waits tables and cleans up after the crowd

She still wants to make it big one day
She's gonna be a star in LA
With a big hit record and lots of radio play

So Jesse moos along
Singing her freemartin song
She's gonna be a pop star