The Basic Tenets of Being Poor

I truly believe that you can live in poverty and still have it all. These tenets are important to me and how deeply you invest in this philosophy is up to you. All of these ideas help me to get by and have made my life fuller and easier. Learning that money is not the most important thing has changed my life. Getting over the lifelong programming that money is most important has been refreshing and eye-opening.

Put People and Family First

My first belief can have a tendency to actually make you a little poorer, but it is very important to me. With the way our society pushes people to buy and place the value of having things above the value of family, many parents have been made to feel that they are not good parents unless they can provide nice new things for their children. This has led many parents to choose to go back to work early after the birth of a child or to have both parents work, sometimes at multiple jobs.

There was a time when I felt the same way. I waited eight years to have children because I wanted to be "financially ready." One day, I voiced my desperation to a coworker about how I feared I would never have children because no matter how hard we tried, we just could not move up in the world. She, a mother of three, told me that there was no such thing as "financially ready" to have children. You just have them and then find a way to make do with what you have.

I realized then that she was right and that I had been thinking about things all wrong. Money doesn't make a family. Love does. I vowed that I would never again make any parenting decision based on money. That led me to choose to stay home with my children and be a full-time mother, no matter what happened. I want to be there for my children, not my boss. I found a way to earn some money from home and adjusted my life accordingly. We have to live on very little now and we are well below the poverty line, but I can stay with my children to watch them grow up. I don't have to pay a stranger to raise them or care for them. I can be there for them all the time, no matter what.

I thought about what is really important for raising children. They don't need expensive things. I can get most things second hand for free. The rest I can make myself. My children only need to be clean, warm, safe, sheltered, loved, and well educated. I can provide all of those things, no matter what my income level is.

Remember, no matter how poor you are or how bad things get, always put people and family first, no matter what. Whatever that means to you (in my own case, it's staying home with my children), stick to your guns. Money will never make you happy. Only those that you love can do that.

End the Need to Buy

The second tenet is to end your buying addiction and stop the need to buy. This was one of the hardest for me. I have always loved to buy new things. I was not able to actually stop until I no longer had a choice.

Now I still love to shop, but I do it very rarely and never let myself buy unless it is a necessity. I usually go window shopping for fun two or three times a year: once on my birthday and once around Halloween and Christmas to see the decorations. Someone mentioned to me that she likes to window shop online so that she won't actually be able to take any of it home. I find that having a wish list with a website like thethingsIwant.com allows me to have a list that friends and family can see and buy from. It helps contain my desire to buy.

No More TV

The third tenet will help you with the second. Give up TV for good. Everyone has heard rumors about how television contains subliminal messages and psychological programming. I was an avid TV watcher myself, and I thought those people were crazy conspiracy theorists.

When I went to college, however, I took classes for advertising such as media journalism, graphic design, and marketing. I was amazed at all I learned. Television does rely on subliminal messages and mind programming. Some of the tricks we were taught disgusted me so much that I quit because I no longer wanted to be a part of it.

The tricks used are so well researched and so deeply ingrained in a person's subconscious mind that they literally are impossible to fight back against, even if you know what they are and that they are being used on you. These manipulations play on human emotion and the need to socialize. They are designed specifically to placate the viewer and dumb the mind down to make it more receptive. They are quite literally designed to make you "need" to buy in order to feel good. It can take years to undo this programming.

Giving up the TV addiction is hard, especially if you rely on it to help you wind down after work or school. Everyone knows how easy it is to just plop down on the couch, turn the TV on, and veg-out. There are alternatives!

My favorite thing to do is turn on an audio book and work on a hobby. How relaxing! You can find audio books for free at your local library. Listen while you sew, make jewelry, draw, paint, or anything else that makes you feel good. I also enjoy listening to audio books while cooking and doing chores rather than having the TV on in the background. It makes my work more enjoyable.

Here are some other ways you can relax after a long day:

Relax with candles in a hot bath or hot tub

Read a book

Watch a commercial-free educational documentary

Watch an occasional movie

Go for a bicycle ride

Surf

Take a nap

Meditate

Garden

Work on a hobby

Do crafts with your kids

Bake

Listen to music

Play with your pet

Gaze into an aquarium or pond

Call family or friends

Write a letter

Exercise

Go for a walk

Relax by the fire with some hot cider

Invite a friend or two over

Lay out in the shade of a tree or by a pool

Swing in a hammock in the yard

Keep Your Standards High

The fourth tenet is to keep your standards high, but flexible. Just because you are poor does not mean that you deserve less. When getting used clothes, you can keep only what is nicest and hand the rest on.

Find the cheaper but higher quality alternatives. For example, make your own soap instead of using the toxic products sold in stores. Instead of paying for overprocessed artificial foods, grow your own healthy organic food. Believe that you deserve the best and can get it no matter how much you earn.

Care for What You Own

The fifth tenet is to care for what you own. Our throwaway society places needs on disposable items and cheap junk. Work to destroy these ideas. When you live in poverty, nothing should be disposable. You may be tempted to buy something that is cheap because it costs less money. Buying something that won't last long or does not work well is the same as throwing your money away.

Choose items that are both affordable and durable and care for them as though they are the only things you will ever be able to afford. Own less, keep it clean and in proper working order, and care for each item with dedication and it may last you the rest of your life. Even the most mundane items require care and cleaning. Believe that everything is precious and treat it as such. Never treat anything that you own as though it has little value.

Self Care

The sixth tenet is to care for yourself. Poverty does not mean you cannot be clean or healthy. We live in a country where we are lucky enough to be able to have everything our bodies need, no matter how poor we are. No one needs to let themselves go.

Bathe every day. Keep your hair washed and combed. Learn to trim your own hair, even if it's with the kitchen scissors. (What do you think people did it with before there were hair salons?) Trim your beard. Wear deodorant, even if all you can afford is to make your own (look for my recipe!). Wear clean clothes. Keep your teeth clean and healthy. Get Medicare if you cannot afford insurance and keep up with your checkups.

Make sure you do what makes you feel attractive every day. Being poor does not mean having to be a slob. Use homemade recipes to make yourself smell nice. If you can't afford make-up, wear clothes that make you feel good and style your hair. I love elaborate braids and beautiful updos. Pluck your eyebrows and keep your nails clean and trimmed. Exercise and stay at least relatively fit. Eat healthy foods. Your body is your temple and you cannot have respect for anything without first having respect for yourself.

Educate Yourself

The seventh tenet is to pursue education. Never stop learning. Don't let your inability to afford college stop you from pursuing a higher level of learning. You can do almost anything you want to do to get ahead without having to pay out of pocket.

I taught myself photography and have done professional work for a living. I also taught myself HTML and web design and those and writing provide the bulk of my income. My husband taught himself how to build computers and now he is the network systems analyst for a local company, all without spending a day in a university. Check your local library for educational books in the field you most enjoy. You don't need a degree for many well-paying jobs.

Don't let your education end there. Read. Watch documentaries. Get the news from National Public Radio. Check out educational magazines from your library. Visit free museums in your area. Attend free educational seminars. End the stigma that those who are poor are uneducated. With education, all things are possible.

Pay It Forward

Whether it is karma or religion, everyone believes that to have good things happen to you, you need to be a good person and do good things for others. Help a total stranger. Be good to friends and family. Assist those in need. Volunteer your time. You'll have a lot of it now that you don't watch television anymore. Give and you will get back.

Helping others costs nothing, but the rewards are tremendous. Helping someone will make you a friend who will be willing to help you in the future. If you see someone moving into a house in your neighborhood, go help them move. Get other neighbors to help out by mowing their lawn, planting flowers, or helping them paint. Sign petitions. Take a walk and clean up your roadside. Sew toys for the animals at the animal shelter. Everything you do will make you feel good and it will come back to you.

My personal motto is by Frances Hodgson Burnett: "If nature has made you a giver, your hands are born open and so is your heart. And though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full and you can give things out of that."

Learn Some Basic Life Skills

There are some skills that were once necessary for everyone to know for survival, but now few people know how to do them. In these modern days, there are even more skills that are indispensable. You would be surprised at how useful some of them are and how they can open up new worlds to you.

Learn to sew. Whether you are a man or a woman, this will come in handy. You can mend clothes, replace buttons, make clothing and toys, patch jeans, fix upholstery, and even use it to earn a living. Learn how to sew by hand before getting a machine. Cheap machines are not worth buying and those that are worth having are very expensive. I cannot afford a machine or the electricity to run one. I do all of my sewing by hand.

Gardening is one of the most basic of all human skills, yet most people have no idea how to grow their own food. If the world market suddenly collapsed people would starve for lack of knowledge to grow their own food. You can feed a family of five on less than ¼ acre, so check your library for books on how to grow a vegetable garden and start one in your home, even if all you have is an apartment balcony.

Typing is a fairly new skill that I think everyone should learn, just like writing. Most things are typed now and not handwritten, yet schools place little emphasis on teaching students how to type quickly and effectively. There are several free websites that allow you to practice typing. If you are very quick, you can write or even type for a living. Many jobs require employees to be able to type efficiently.

Learn proper spelling and grammar. I can hardly believe the amount of poor spelling and grammar that I see every day. I truly am astounded. While I understand it's normal to make the occasional mistake, most people have a very difficult time. Make yourself more marketable by educating yourself. Learn how to use proper spelling and grammar. You can do this simply by reading. Reading allows you to absorb the knowledge of how to write and spell well. It is not difficult to spot someone who is well-read.

Teach yourself how to cook. You do not need to make overly complicated foods, but do learn how to make things from simple ingredients. You can save hundreds of dollars every month just by being able to make foods from scratch. Don't waste money buying overprocessed unhealthy foods. If you can cook a basic healthy meal for yourself, that is quite a lot.

Have Less, Want Less

When we moved overseas, the plan was to get rid of everything we could not live without and then have the rest shipped over in boxes. I worked so hard whittling down what we owned into things I was sure were priceless treasures that I could never give up.

Once we got here, however, things went awry and we ended up being homeless for an entire year. We lived in a tent and had no room to keep more than what we needed just to survive. One year later we moved into an efficiency and I was amazed at how little we owned. We could fit all of it into a small cabinet.

Once we began getting boxes of things from back home, I was astounded at the junk I had once thought I would need and now no longer wanted. Being homeless and having so little made me realize that I really didn't need much and that having all of those other things made me feel stressed and cluttered. I ended up getting rid of most of it. I never realized what a weight off of my shoulders it was not to have all of those things weighing me down and filling my home.

Decluttering can make you feel wonderful. Get rid of everything that you do not need. If you like keeping supplies for making things, keep them in a small cabinet and go through the cabinet at least once a year to get rid of anything you don't use. Never let yourself collect more than will fit in the cabinet.

Every year, I like to go through everything I own and get rid of things. It really is refreshing to see those piles of boxes disappearing out the door. Donate items to a homeless shelter, battered women's shelter, humane society, or Goodwill. You can also offer up items on Freecycle or Craigslist and someone will come and take them away.

To prevent yourself from accumulating too much, make a rule that if you get anything new, you have to get rid of something that is roughly the same size or larger. If you stick to this rule, you will never have too much. Owning too many things gives you too much to take care of and too much to worry about. Clutter is not good for the soul, so simplify your life as much as you can as often as you can.

Banish Addiction

Addiction is the need to have something that is not necessary for survival. Addictions can also be unhealthy in some cases. Whatever your addictions are, work hard to end them. You will save yourself a lot of money just by quitting.

If you smoke, quit. If you cannot stop eating candy, find a way to go on a permanent diet and take care of yourself. If you like to shop, learn how not to buy. Whatever your addictions are, end the dependency, especially if it will save you money in the long run.

I realize that these basic tenets may seem like a lot to take on all at once, so space yourself out if you have to. The important thing is to do away with those things and ideas that hold you back and do what it is that truly makes you happy and feel good about yourself. Being poor does not mean having to be miserable. You can live in poverty and still have it all!