The Bedtime Routine with Children

When we first took our new baby home, we found that she had her days and nights reversed. She was awake at night and slept a lot during the day. It definitely made for some exhausting and sleepless nights. The most common advice we read in books and online from the experts was to establish a bedtime routine and stick to it.

Our bedtime routine with my daughter CJ started with a bath (usually with Johnson & Johnson's lavender bedtime bath) and then a baby massage with lavender baby lotion before getting dressed and getting her teeth/gums brushed. Then her Daddy and I would take her to her room, and I would nurse her while Daddy read her stories. He'd finish reading the stories, and I'd continue to nurse her until she fell asleep, and then I'd put her into bed.

When I found out I was pregnant with our second child, my obstetrician told me I had to wean CJ (then 20 months old). Our routine changed a bit, as I couldn't nurse her to sleep anymore. It fell on Daddy to cuddle her at night. I had to leave the room because CJ kept asking for "num-nums" and I could no longer give them to her. We gave her a cup of water with her cuddles instead.

Once our new baby Anna was born, we started out doing the bedtime routine individually for each child, one after the other, first with CJ and then with Anna. Daddy would bathe CJ and then read to her and cuddle her until she was asleep. Then I'd bring Anna in to have her bath and then would nurse during stories and then bed. We lasted less than two weeks on this routine! We found that by the time both children were bathed and in bed and asleep, it was time to go to sleep for Mommy and Daddy too!

So we decided to try a different strategy - to do the bedtime routine for both girls at the same time. That worked much better! When Anna was still a baby, one of us would bathe CJ in the big tub while the other parent would bathe Anna in the baby tub. Now that Anna is older, she and CJ are bathed together in the same tub. That also makes life easier! We'll dress them at the same time, and then they'll both have stories read to them. CJ will get stories and a cuddle with Daddy, while Anna will nurse while Mommy reads stories to Anna, with the occasional story from Daddy, if he is finished cuddling with CJ. This works pretty well, except when Daddy is out of town or Mommy is out for a Mom's Night Out.

When there is only one parent at bedtime, the routine doesn't change too much except that bathtime and bedtime have to be more of a consecutive rather than concurrent process. After giving each of the girls a bath, I will read to both girls at the same time; then I'll have CJ go to her own room to read, draw, or pick out some books to read before bed. Then I'll cuddle or nurse Anna to sleep (or until she says she's ready to get into bed). With Anna in bed, I'll read to CJ in her room and then cuddle her to sleep. (Now that CJ is older, either her Daddy or I will sit in her room and hold her hand, but we're trying to cut back on her need to cuddle to sleep. That's sometimes a challenge, but we're still working on having her go to sleep by herself).

If you're fortunate enough to have an extra set of hands to help at bedtime, great! If not, don't despair. You can survive the bedtime routine, and if you set your children's bedtime early enough in the evening (we usually start the bedtime for our children between 7:30 and 8 p.m., sometimes as early as 7 p.m.) you can even have a couple hours for yourself in the evening after your kids are in bed!

My main pieces of advice are: Do baths with both children together or at least at the same time. Before starting the baths, make sure all the pajamas, diapers, lotion, and anything else you need after the bath are already laid out. Try to spend some one-on-one time reading, singing, or cuddling with each child.

Bedtime for two or more children can be a daunting task if you're not systematic about it. However, with a little pre-planning, it can be a smooth and (mostly) stress-free process.

First published on ClubMom.com May 19, 2006. ClubMom.com will cease operations on December 31, 2008, so I am republishing my articles here.