The Beginning of Guilt

Someone was knocking at the door. Terry didn't have the energy for another visitor. She pulled the covers over her head; pretending the knocking was thunder. She wanted nothing more than peace and quiet. She yearned for a break from all the chaos. Even her cell phone, was quickly becoming her enemy. Her husband, Troy, was relentless. He was suffocating every moment of Terry's day; unable to except their inevitable futures apart. The insistent knocker must be him. Just another attempt at bandaging their eight year marriage. Terry was falling fast. If she was to stick to her guns, she could not face him. Troy's pleas weakened Terry's efforts. If she sees him now, all her headway would dwindle. She would surely give in.

The cell phone rang; startling Terry's slumber. In a moment of confusion, she raced to the door. As the door opened, the phone's second ring chimed in. Her mind caught up to reality. She immediately closed the door and walked slowly to her phone. Worry butterflies began forming in the pit of her stomach. It is an unfamiliar ring-tone. Her heart races and throat tightens, while her eyes travel to the phone. Her tear-ducts and sweat glands prepare for use. "Oh, God, please let this call save me!" Terry's shaky prayer began. She grabs the cell and fumbles with the mechanism's flip design. Her mind is sending commands, but her body isn't calming. A steady breath will pull her up, yet she is unable to invoke its saving grace.

Her brain begins sorting through puzzle pieces. It tries to analyze the situation without an idea of the picture being formed. Numbness surrounds her blood pumping organ in preparedness of the worst possible outcome. The brain waves shoot through her emotional library and begin choosing out of the self help section. Logical thoughts are called in to start the meeting. "Hey, why are you so worked up? You don't even know what this call is about. Take a deep breath and remain positive. Seriously, what are all the preconceived notions doing here? Stop it! Stop this worrying!"

Logic hands the floor to encouragement. She still feels the blood rushing, as encouragement helps her breathing patterns steady. Strength joins the firing squad and gives her limbs movement; again. Fear's freezing tactics are no match for the emotional arsenal being unloaded upon its grip. Hope begins to sing a soothing victory song, as Logic raises the team's flag. 'God never gives us more than we can handle!'

Now she is ready. It no longer matters what the caller shall reveal. The butterflies are safely in their nets. The call is from an old friend, Officer Woodward. This might make Terry smile. She answers the phone with a positive voice. "Mr. Woodward, aren't you too old to be using cell phones?" Her face begins to pale as her head turns toward the front window. The Marathon County Sheriff's vehicle was pulling into Terry's horseshoe driveway.

"I was just at your place, Terry. I thought you were home. I need to talk to you. I am pulling up now. Can you come outside?" Rocky's voice was calm and filled with pain.

"What is going on Rocky? Why...What...I..." Terry struggled to find her voice.

"Terry, your girls are running to my car...I will tell you over the phone, they don't need to hear this from me. Terry...Troy has killed himself. The officers found him in his truck...I am sorry."

His words faded into mumbling. A sharp pain, in slow motion, drives through the numbness; piercing Terry's vital organ. The message kills her instantly. Her eyes burn with tears, as she watches, her two young angels; greeting their visitor. The cell phone falls to the ground silently. Terry's legs buckle beneath her. She didn't even feel her knees hit. Her arms wrapped around her head, trying to protect it from further damage. She immediately began to pray for this dream to end, for the door's knocking to awaken her from this nightmare.