The Best Little Hardware Store of Ancient Rome

July 18, 64 A.D. I remember it well. It was the commencement of a conflagration, a fiery hell that burned for six days and seven nights, consuming seventy percent of Rome.

It began in the Circus and spread to shops selling inflammable goods. Fanned by an irrepressible wind, it reduced our fair city to ashes! Only four districts of fourteen remained intact.

The good news is that we were in good hands. The city of Rome was insured by Gaulstate--the good hands barbarians. As a result, we had the funds to rebuild Rome.

Rebuilding Rome would require a lot of tools, lumber and marble. It was time to take a trip--a trip to the Rome Depot. Rome Depot is your complete Rome improvement store for all your Rome and garden needs.

For only a few gazillion sesterces and some human sacrifices (feeding Christians to the lions), we were able to build a more spectacular Rome! Great, wide stone-cobbled streets surrounded by sumptuous marble buildings, fountains and statutes!

As Emperor, I, the great Nero, also decreed that there be more public baths and privies. Up until the time of the fire, it was no accident that we Romans wore togas instead of trousers. You know the old saying by the poet Anonymous:

"In days of old
When Romans were bold
And privies were un-invented,
They stood by the road
And let loose their load
Then walked away contented."

Just one more reason the fire spread so quickly! Therefore, by Jupiter! We shall have more public baths and privies!

Rome Depot has an excellent selection at low low prices. Their guarantee is that they will meet or beat any competitor's price or fight a cheaper competitor to the death in the Coliseum.

Rome Depot also has a wonderful assortment of hardware including gladius swords, tridents, fishnets and shields for your Coliseum needs. I also found there some terrific barbecue and outdoor lighting supplies.

My favorite outdoor barbecue and lighting kit comes with some slaves, some pitch, a flint and wooden stakes. Whenever we hold the games at night, we simply surround the arena with the wooden stakes driven into the ground. Then we tie the slaves to them and cover the slaves with pitch, then set them ablaze.

Hmmm, I wonder if that caused the big fire? Oh nonsense! The Christians are to blame. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket! It was those Jesus-loving, foot-washing Christians!

Anyway, I highly recommend the Rome Depot. Heck, they even sold me the spade which I used to dig my own grave: first Judea and Briton revolted, then I became oppressive and out of control. Assassination attempts were made on my life!

That's right! You heard me! Someone is out to get me...trying to kill...Uhg! Arg! @%#!!!

Rome Depot is proud to announce the grand opening of our new store in Pompeii. You will find it conveniently located at the foot of Mount Vesuvius. Just take the Appian Way exit and you're there!