The Best Part of Waking Up

Six-fifteen on a cold and grey Chicago morning, standing in a hoodie and sweatpants. You have just ran three miles around a McDonald's a hundred times. You are shivering like a last place Iditarod musher. You desperately want a cup of coffee. You sir, are about to be sorely disappointed.

This scenario played out for me quite a few times during my residence at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center. We would be awoken by a very loud yet diminutive man instructing us to run a 5K in a half blizzard. Then the group of us; cold, wet and tired would be instructed to stand still. I can only reason now that this is so the Arctic Blast whipping past would not see us. Then after and only after frostbite had set in would we be met with the promise of hot coffee.

But first we would be informed that our already purchased mugs from the Exxon station up the road are not welcome here. Not good enough to hold the caffeinated bliss that awaits. This coffee must be so simple a child can use it. Presumed due to the fact that the Eskimo Napoleon informed us of the existence of some "Fine Navy Coffee" that would apparently combust if consumed from anything other than a plastic chalice that has the appearance of a child's sippy cup.

So we pour this purported liquid warmth into our dollar and fifteen cent PlaySkool cups, which we have purchased from our half pint barista for ten dollars. We purse our lips, wince and flinch as we await that delightful steam burn. But then, nothing. Not a burn, not one sore tongue. Just cold and confusement. Turns out to save money the Navy decided coffee didn't need to be hot anymore. Or have taste. To give you a rough sense of what it tasted like, put some coffee grounds into a spoon. Turn the spoon onto your tongue. Then hold it there for about an hour.

This parade of false hope continues for weeks until we are paroled from this place of learning and weak coffee. A decade later, the coffee is probably still cold. And I can't look at an Iced Mocha or an infant drinking milk without getting a little teary eyed.