The Best Wedding Advice that I Ever Received

Weddings, by far, are one of the most stressful times in a young couple's life. There is so much that has to be considered before taking the plunge into the new lifestyle that we all call 'wedded matrimony'. For my wife and I, our marriage has been sound and very, very full of love and laughter. But, as I think back to our wedding day, we never really had taken into consideration of any advice that we had been given by those that we knew. In my case, most of all, I had been shown by those that I knew rather than had any exact spoken word that may have been told to me at any specific time. As it was, my wedding was not exactly a happy time for either of us, as our families had never agreed with our marriage from the beginning. Between meddling in-laws and friends and colleagues that had known us for quite some time, the marriage seemed that it was doomed to failure just as soon as we stepped down the aisle. But before I digress, let me explain what I think was the best advice that I have ever gotten about the subject, and it was perhaps something that I may have learned myself as opposed to being told by any specific person.

My wife and I had met for the first time at an Internet chatroom and had been in a large circle of friends with other chatters during that time. I had just gotten out of a long-distance relationship with another woman from North Carolina whom I had been hooked up with for at least four months. We had never seen each other, except in pictures that we sent each other, and I was very certain that she was the one for me. But, shortly after that time, I had found that she had been avoiding me so that she could hang out with her cousin in Florida and be able to see any man that she chose to. It was then that I met my current wife, and we began talking the same night after my cyber-break-up. I had never imagined just how much that we had in common. We loved movies and reading, we both loved football (even though we supported different teams), and we both loved life and had a very extreme thirst for it. The main thing that was different about us was that I lived a very active lifestyle while she was more of a home-body and preferred he quietness of the home. Today, she is still like that, and if you love a person enough, you can learn to roll with those changes just as easily if you were sliding on a pair of pants when you first get up in the morning.

Our wedding was not the same typical modern wedding that many couples plan for. We had received no assistance from either side of the family when it came to family. As it was, our wedding was in the county courthouse with hardly any family at all present and only a smattering handful of our friends. But, at that moment, to me it really hadn't mattered. The real point was that I was getting married to the only woman that I could see sharing the rest of my life with. Admittedly, it was not the choice that either side would have made as far as our parents were concerned, but it was our choice. What had mattered was that she had said 'I do' and that had been enough for me.

The best advices that come from anything that comes to matrimony and any kind of ideas about weddings are not the ones that we seem to feel, but rather more to the point of what we see. Western culture when it comes to weddings has stigmatized us to such a degree that we often feel obligated to run the whole course of the wedding simply because that is what the familes of both parties expect. They want to see the bride in an expensive white gown and the groom in a nice elegant tuxedo. Then, we cannot forget the bridesmaids' outfits to color-coordinate and then the cake and menu. It really sounds like a lot of work, doesn't it? Marraige in itself is a full-time job as it is and with having to worry about what I like to call 'the beauty pageant', it may seem like the marriage may not work at all right from the very start. More often than not, there are always a lot more arguements started over planning a wedding than the actual wedding itself. Why would you want that kind of a headache?

I remember the very first thing that taught me about marriage was Steve Martin's comedy, 'Father Of The Bride'. I watched his character, Carl Banks, try to navigate and traverse the waters of wedding planning and all the while trying to keep his sanity at the same time. This may show the parents' frustartion on their side of it, but we never see anything that really looks at what the bride and grom goes through. They have the same feelings and emotions as anyone else and it is no easier for them. They have the same fears and the same worries: What if something goes wrong? What if the love does not stay/ These are some of the most common subconscious questions that seem to arise, and yet the wedding seems to be the only thing on everyone's mind.

The best advice that I can give about any kind of wedding planning is simply this: scrap it! The truth is that a wedding is about the fact that you are marrying someone that you love. The marriage license that you receive from your county clerk is nothing more than a piece of paper legally marrying you, is it not? The whole concept of marriage has been obscured for the sudden undying need to have to show off in front of the family with the simple adage of 'gee, look what I am doing'. The fact remains that anyone can celebrate an event such as a wedding and then it will be as easily forgetten as the day that it had transpired. It could be forgotten as simple as a distant relative's birthday or the day you had broken your leg skiing in Tahoe for your honeymoon. The main thing that is important, in my opinion, is the memories that you personally take away from it. For instance, did you know that celebrities Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have never been 'technically married'? They have what is called a 'commonlaw marriage' where they had been together for several years but had not legally been married under the state of residence. The shortest marriage in recorded history for celebrities were Carmen Electra and NBA superstar Dennis Rodman, and they had been married for a mere three days before obtaining an anullment while the two were partying in Vegas. Doesn't sound all that glamorous does it?

Where the biggest chore should be for any couple preparing to go down the aisle is to work at keeping the marriage vibrant and alive each day by focusing on the two mmost important people that this entails: each other. Whether you decide to have a full-sized glamorous wedding or dressed in a simple pair of black jeans with a nice denim shirt, what the whole thing is about is the couple. Not the cake, not the flowers and not the music...the couple. This is something that I, myself, had to learn during the full course of my own marriage. I would have loved to have had a full-sized wedding for my wife when we had decided to tie the knot but the funds and the money was just not there at that time. But, as time progressed, I was very glad that I did not go that route. I was married to the love of my life, and even though we may have our rocky times, our love for each other still has not changed even after all of these years.

In closing, I would like to say that while my marriage and circumstances are not the same as it is for everyone, I think what is the most common for any marriage is the love that the two share. While not every family is the same and every couple is the same, I say to marry for love and not for ceremony. In the end, I feel that the world would be a happier place for it.