The Body Confidence of a Black Woman

Beyonce

Queen Latifah

Tyra Banks

Vivica A. Fox

Sanaa Lathan

What does these women have in common? Yes, they are all African-American and in the entertainment business but they are also body confident. Each and every one of them are of various shapes and sizes but they love their bodies and flaunt what they have. From heavy-set to fine-boned, they appreciate what they have and love themselves. This is a lesson we all should learn and put into good use.

"Love your body and others will follow."

Shonteira is a full-figured black woman who stands 5'4 and has long blond hair which she freely admits is a weave. She won't say what her weight is but she does admit that she wears a size 26. Today she is wearing a long, fitted, sleeveless, gray dress and knee-high, black stiletto boots. Her nails are long and manicured and her smile radiates warm and genuine. I have taken an immediate liking to Shontee, as she likes to be called, and she usually gets this type of reaction from most people she meets. While browsing around a local Ashley Stewart boutique, I ask her some questions about body-size, love and having confidence.

Me: Have you always been this confident?

Shontee: I actually hated my body when I was younger and I tried losing weight. My mom is so little and she would put me on all these different diets and stuff. I remember one time she brought me to this doctor and he used these prong-like things to measure how much fat I had. It was horrible. I think I started feeling better about myself when I left her house. I started doing hair and was around women who looked like me and loved themselves so much. Little by little, I took in what they were saying and began to apply it to myself. Then I met Justin and after a couple of nights with him...that made a immediate difference! (laughing).

Me: So being with this guy Justin made you feel better about how you looked. You know they say that you shouldn't let a man make or break your self-esteem.

Shontee: I think if you love yourself, others will follow but I also think women are lying if they say that a man appreciating their body doesn't make them feel good. He would always grab and hold me and comment on how soft I was. He would cal me his thicky-thick girl and I liked that. We listened to music and all I heard was these guys describing the thick women they were attracted to.

Me: How do you maintain this healthy attitude? Do you ever have days when you look in the mirror and hate what you see?

Shontee: Of course! Every time I watch television , I get this pang of insecurity but I remind myself that I am fabulous and I have my boo to remind me of that. Shopping at places like this also make me feel better because they have some cute clothes. Big girls want to be cute also!

"I got it from my momma!"

Precious is a 17 year-old senior at a local public school and carries herself like she's 27. She stands 5'11 and is a very slim 115 pounds. Her dream is to model and with her bone-structure and beautiful face, she could easily make this dream a reality. Her hair is long and curly, inherited from her Puerto Rican father and her skin is the dark cocoa of her African-American mother. Today she is wearing slim Baby-Phat jeans and a cropped Baby-Phat coat with a fur hood. Her heeled boots add 3 inches to her already tall stature. The weather is agreeable enough to allow us to walk around a newly remodeled mall where when we look up, we can see the sky.

Me: Are you excited about Senior Year?

Precious: Yeah. I'm glad that school is almost over. 12 years is a long time and my mom said that once I get that degree, I can go to New York and work on modeling.

Me: I think you are very mature and well-spoken for a 17 year-old. You carry yourself with the reassurance of someone my age. Where did this come from?

Precious: I don't know. I have always been more mature and my mama use to tell us to carry ourselves like ladies. She is the ultimate "lady" and when I say that, I mean, she is soft-spoken and dignified. She wears clothes that compliment her and when you look at her, you think, lady. I always said that I was going to be like that.

Me: You have the body type that is often celebrated in popular culture. Has these made things easier for you?

Precious.: Yes and no. Yes in the fact that I look in main-stream magazines and see myself. I never have a hard time shopping for clothes and I think I will have an easier time making it as a model. No in the fact that "thick" girls are celebrated more in hip-hop culture. I hear these guys talk about fat behinds and big thighs and I feel a little inadequate. I went out with a group of friends once. This one guy I liked told me I needed to eat some more and laughed at how flat my butt was. I love myself though and wouldn't change how I look.

Me: Well, I think you look great and I know I'll see you in those magazines soon.

Precious: (hugging me) Thanks Michelle!

"A woman who is confident is the sexiest thing."

Aaron's NY 59/50 hat sits sideways on his head at a jaunty angle. He stands 6'5 and sitting at a nearby McDonald's, his legs jut out far from underneath the table. He eyes the different females who come into the store and either continues to look in appreciation or dismisses them by looking away. After assuring him I am in a relationship and am happy, he allows me to ask him questions.

Me: What are you attracted to physically in a woman?

Aaron: I like a shorty with a shape to her. Hips, ass, you know. She has to have a cute face and carry herself well. But it also depends on what I'm looking for, like if I want a quick run-though (meaningless sex) or if I want to have a girlfriend.

Me: What about a woman who is slimmer? Does she have a chance?

Aaron: Yeah, if she cute but you know what? A confident woman is sexy as hell and that catches a man attention and holds it which is what a lot of females don't seem to understand. Women are worrying about looks which are important to a certain extent but a bad attitude, stupidity, shallowness, and meanness can cut the attraction quick.

Me: Come on Aaron. Are you guys really thinking about a girl's mind and personality when those Victoria's Secret commercials come on?

Aaron: I personally don't like them thin chicks. No shape you know? But we're still guys (laughing)

Whatever you color, size or shape, work with what you have and love yourself!

To sum it all up, it comes down to you. The world reacts to how we think about ourselves and when we can look in the mirror and can respect, love and appreciate what we see, then others will do the same. Yes, I know it's easier said than done especially when you walk through the magazine isle of any given store. Our standard of beauty had been decided for us yet women are speaking up and out and letting them know that we come varied. We are not size two and six feet tall. There are more real bodies out there buying clothing and if these designers want to be successful, they need to get with the program and a great deal of them are. So, if you want to fell good about yourself, do it now. It starts with you telling yourself how gorgeous you are. If you have a man and he appreciates your body, revel in that and listen to him. Don't wave him off or doubt what he is saying. Men tend to tell us what they like and become quiet when they don't like something. So, enjoy those compliments and flaunt what you got.

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