The Brooding Bride: What's a Bridesmaid to Do?

Weddings are wonderful. At least, they OUGHT to be. But celestial expectations can spell stupendous stress. Many a bride has dreamed of her wedding for most of her life. She wants everything to be exactly as she always imagined it to be. What nightmare can this prove to be for those closest to her?

A blushing bride can become a shrill shrew in a heartbeat. Of course, she is entitled to some overzealous enthusiasm and micromanagement of her own matrimonials. The bride's mother very likely has a well-manicured hand in the mix as well. If the bride's parents are divorced and remarried, then additional adults probably have personal purposes as well.

A wise bridesmaid will be as understanding, supportive and encouraging as possible, without allowing herself to become trampled.

If you are friends . . .

If the bride is a friend, then you have already bypassed your first option by agreeing to join her wedding party. You agreed to attend (and possibly) host a bridal shower or two. You agreed to let her clothe you in whatever garb she chooses, at least for her big day. You agreed to walk down the aisle with the man the groom chooses. You agreed to stand up as a witness to the nuptials, because you care about your friend.

Clearly, you value the friendship more than your own feelings, and you are willing to overlook a few slights because of your long-standing bond with the bride. Your relationship with her is probably strong enough that you can gently confront her (in private, of course), if you need to.

Perhaps your friend is anxious about her pending nuptuals or married life. Why not plan a private outing, just the two of you, and try to draw out her real concerns? Maybe the conflict does not lie with you at all.

If you are family . . .

If the bride is part of your family, then you have fewer choices, but a long history of with her. Serving as her bridesmaid (very likely the maid or matron of honor), is likely a family duty. The bride is probably your sister or aunt.

Whether friend or family, you will do best by taking the high road. The bride is counting the days until her wedding. Feel free to do the same. Try to get through it with as much class as possible. After all, even if the bride is difficult, this is HER wedding. For this single occasion, it really is ALL ABOUT HER.

Once the band starts playing, you may actually enjoy yourself. Just watch out for flying flowers!

Who knows? Perhaps someday you can ask her to return the favor!