The Budget: A Happy Couple's Best Ally

I'm an observer. I love to think about the world around me and learn. What I often observe is that many relationships suffer when it comes to finances. There is a simple solution, involve an objective third party to the relationship - the budget.

It's hard to balance everyone's needs, especially if some of those needs are from kids. And between working, making dinner, running to soccer practices and everything else that makes the weeks fly by, the last thing you want to do is have a three hour conversation about how to enjoy your money. You'd rather just enjoy it.

There are many different finance dynamics in relationships. I know a couple who cheerfully delve deeper into debt with the "if we're skating on thin ice, we might as well dance" mindset. Then there's the "all I do is work and all you do is spend" blame game couple. There's the "what they don't know can't be used against me" game. And then there's the "I bought a soda today, I'm sorry I was so frivolous" account for every penny, autonomy out the window pair.

The truth is that a healthy, mutually satisfying budget can do wonders for your relationship and head off financial disagreements - one of the top contributors to failed marriages. It doesn't matter if only one person works or who makes more money. The budget is the equalizer. If it is developed with realistic boundaries and shared overall goals, it takes the emotion out of finance.

It goes without saying that even the most compatible of couples don't agree on everything. This is where autonomy comes in handy. For any budget to work, and in my opinion any marriage, each partner has to have some degree of autonomy.

Having autonomy with money is good feeling. If you have to account to your partner for every single purchase, no matter how small, it's inevitable that resentment will build. Instead a healthy budget should allow each partner some miscellaneous spending power. This can be any amount as long as it fits into the budget.

This money is meant to be freedom. If you each get $20, $50 or $100 a month to do with as you please, you've got yourself a little "me" time. And everybody needs that. One of you might spend that $100 like it's on fire, while the other might tuck it away in a personal savings account. The choice, and the freedom, is yours. The important thing is that how you spend that money is judgment free.

If you have children, the budget has to respect this responsibility. Too often one partner is responsible for managing money spent on kids without any boundaries. The result can be a whirlwind of expenses for new sneakers, birthday presents, activities, and so on without a solid tally at month's end.

The best tactic is to set an amount in your shared budget that is for kid "extras". It doesn't have to account for every baseball, pair of jeans or birthday card, but it should work to set a limit. Again, this alleviates the need to account for every penny. It also helps kids learn about the finite quality of money.

No matter where you and your partner are in your financial journey, taking a little time to set a budget is a great opportunity to express your goals and dreams together. The happiest couples are those have a vision of their future. When the future arrives, you'll want the financial freedom to enjoy it.

Plus knowing each other's goals helps you work together and gives you a feeling of accomplishment, even during times of financial sacrifice. It is much easier to set aside savings if you feel it's going to be for something good, like buying a vacation home or splurging on a luxury item. If you and your partner are on the same page about where your finances are going, it's a lot easier to get there.

No plan is foolproof. No matter how comprehensive your budget is, there will inevitably need to be a discussion about some money matter. However, if you've taken the time to create a budget with your partner you have a non-emotional third party to help wade through the financial topic du jour - the budget!

If you've already established your financial goals, monthly costs and personal needs in a healthy budget, you and you're partner can meet the unexpected prepared. There'll be no need for "why did you buy that?" or "where did all the money go?" A quick peruse of the budget will show in a clear, concise and objective manner that you've already agreed once and you'll find a way to agree again.