The Busy Mom's Guide to Table Manners

Let's face it, life is hectic. As parents, we all try to do the best we can, but between careers, homework, and numerous after school activities, sometimes the best we can manage is fast food served in the back seat of the car on the way to soccer practice or any number of other events that seem to be the norm in our children's lives. In the middle of this day to day "stuff" that makes up our lives, we also need to be teaching our kids basic manners. This does not have to be overwhelming, in fact the heart of good manners is similar to the heart of good parenting-- listening, caring and teaching. Including your child at the adult table this holiday season can be an important first step to a lifetime of good manners.

Sitting down and eating together is a good part of family unity and it can give us a sense of connection to one another. Lori Schultz of Medford Oregon, a mother of a ten year old boy says, "This year we are including Christopher at the adult table on Thanksgiving for the first time. One of the things I have done to prepare him is to have some more formal dinners, just with immediate family, so he can get a sense of what is expected of him. Teaching good manners is an ongoing process." Lori thinks that eating together as a family will help instill core values. "Spending time together around the table gives us more of an opportunity to hear what is really going on in our children's lives."

Much of what is considered good manners is quite simple; for example, saying please and thank you and treating other people with respect. Rachel Whitley, who owns Lithia Reality in Ashland and is a mother of five, grandmother of two, says "I'm very honest with them about different subjects that come up. We talk about how some people are more blessed than others and that we should be happy for what we have and that we need to be kind and loving toward others." Rachel also understands that kids mirror what they see. "I think it is important to acknowledge their feelings."

Horace Mann once said, "Manners easily and rapidly mature into morals." Simply put, this is as easy as just being good people ourselves. Ideally we start when they are babies since kids mimic parents and they are eager to please us. Rather than feeling like this is a "fight" and we must "win" them over so they will "behave", it behoves us to remember that our children want to make us happy. When we are clear about what we want, they are often eager to please. We have to commit to being well mannered ourselves, if we want our children to be that way.

As parents we have a responsibility to give our kids as much of healthy start in life as we can and manners education is an essential part of what we are already doing. "Just having a well rounded, happy kid is my goal," Lori says. "Considerate people make the whole world a better place."

Top Seven Suggestions for Teaching Excellent Table Manners

1. Remember that a little bit of instruction goes a long way. Work on one or two things at a time.

2. Variety is key-- show your child how to place a napkin on his lap. Use a one word cue, "napkin", as a reminder. Point at the napkin.

3. Be consistent in your expectations.

4. Model the manners you expect your child to have. Your child copies what he sees you doing.

5. Tell them what you expect-- For example I do not expect you to eat meat, but if it is offered to you, I do expect you to be polite in turning it down.

6. Compliment good behavior-- "I saw you try Granny's artichoke dip at Aunt Michelle's house. I'm glad you are willing to try new things."

7. Don't expect perfection. Kids are not mini adults and we have to remember to give them some slack. Stay positive about good manners and your kids will too.