The Cabinet Choices of President Barak Obama

Although getting a straight answer out of any politician is a task, getting a straight answer out of the Obama camp is becoming something akin to Herculean. Nevertheless, based on statements so far in the 2008 campaign, it is becoming possible to pose a few conjectures regarding the make-up of a potential Barak Obama cabinet.

Attorney General: John Edwards

Since the role of the Department of Justice has long since ceased to have anything to do with justice in favor of the more direct technique of filing frivolous lawsuits against 'corporate wrongdoers," Edwards' experience as a trail lawyer will be invaluable in his role as Attorney General. Additionally, Edwards will be offered an "incentive package" under which he will be allowed to keep 80% of all judgments rendered in favor of the United States with the government being "allowed" to keep the remaining 20% (after expenses).

Secretary of State: Cynthia McKinney

Former Congresswoman McKinney, already well-known for her anti-Semitic and proof of "Jewish" responsibility for 9-11 conspiracy theories, will be charged with carrying the banner of appeasement into the capitals of Third World theocracies and then raising a stiff right arm in salute to the often wished-for "destruction of Israel."

Secretary of Defense: Wesley Clark

General Clark, due to his extensive combat experience (he managed to get himself shot within a month of his arrival in South Vietnam) and distinguished record as NATO Commander in the Clinton Administration (where his forces were constantly pinned down by "mountain tribesmen" although, in all fairness, the allegation that his troops were unable to prevent snipers from taking pot-shots at Hillary and Chelsea Clinton were later proven to be false) will be an excellent choice when it comes to supervising the dissolution of the military-industrial complex.

Secretary of Health and Human Services: Howard Dean

In 2004, after failing to convince voters that any of his social policies would be a viable alternative to nothing other than anarchy, Howard Dean was thought to have faded into political obscurity. Since 2005, following only the third resurrection in human history, he has been Chairman of the National Democratic Committee where he has supported any candidate whose social policies would be a viable alternative to nothing other than anarchy.

Secretary of Education: Jeremiah Wright

Any questions regarding the qualifications of Rev. Wright for this position will be referred to Rev. Wright himself, who will be more than happy to explain them to you.

Secretary of Transportation: Al Sharpton

Since it is assumed that shortly after January, 2009, that oil prices will pass the $200 per barrel mark, Reverend Sharpton's experience at organizing marches and other forms of non-motorized transportation, for the flimsiest of reasons, that go nowhere, and disperse promptly when the news media goes home, makes him more than competent to deal with the country's return to the transportation infrastructure of the 19^th Century.

Secretary of Labor: James P. Hoffa

You guessed it: none other than the son of Jimmy Hoffa. Teamsters Union President James Hoffa gets the Labor appointment because of his unblemished record in placing the needs of the workers near the top of the agenda, raking only behind the well-being of the Teamsters Union and the success of the Democratic Party.

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Since the Obama Administration will have a "mandate from the people" demanding that the Washington status quo must be forever abolished, cabinet posts deemed to be no longer needed in the "New Age of Enlightenment" will be either abolished or merged.

Chief of Homeland Security: Abolished

This cabinet post will be abolished and replaced with a new position, the Secretary for the Promotion of Islam and Accommodation of Fascist Dictators.

Secretary of Agriculture and Secretary of Commerce: Abolished

The American people will welcome the abolition of these cabinet posts after the results of Secretary Wright's groundbreaking study, which will prove these departments to be "relics whose only role is to remind the Black man of his oppression as a slave" for the former and "sacrifice of the black man upon the altars of white capitalism" in the latter.

Secretary of the Interior and Secretary of Energy: Merged

Sierra Club President Carl Pope gets this post because after his long record of making public statements concerning topics about which he has absolutely no prior knowledge or experience. He will work closely with Attorney General Edwards to assure the destruction of Exxon-Mobil, Standard Oil, the McDonald's restaurant chain, and other as yet unidentified "environmental criminals."

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In order to facilitate a smooth transition of power, an additional cabinet post will need to be created.

Secretary of Political Exiles: Bill Clinton

Having outlived his usefulness after November's last ballot recount is complete; former Doofus-in-Chief Clinton will supervise the diaspora of Republicans, former members of the Bush Administration, Bill O'Reilly, and other dangerous political dissidents from inside his luxurious offices located high above downtown Astana, Kazakhstan.