The Case Against Long Distance Relationships
There are a lot of factors that can help or hurt a long distance relationship but I think in the end, the cons outweigh the pros. And for most people, long distance just doesn't cut it. Don't get me wrong, several of my closest friends have had successful long distance relationships, so I know they can work. But I think a long distance relationship can never be as fulfilling as a normal one and that for the majority of people that have been in one, the distance does become a problem.
We live in a world with many technological advances that allow for effective frequent communication. But everyone can agree that talking on the phone is never as good as having a face to face conversation. In fact, common courtesy dictates that there are certain things you should absolutely never discuss over the phone, but in person. With long distance relationships, most of your conversations are on the phone or on the internet. It's more like having a pen pal than a significant other.
And because you have such little time to spend with each other, if any, your other social relationships suffer. My friends that have been in a long distance relationships can tell you that when he calls after he gets off work, they have to make a choice. If you're out with friends, it's awkward to have a proper conversation on the phone. So you either choose friends, or choose your significant other. Whereas in a regular relationship, your social worlds can co-exist because of the nature of a long distance relationship, this is much much harder. You usually end up having to sacrifice something.
One of the biggest problems with long distance relationships depends on how it started. Relationships that began as long distance often fare better than those where one person had to move away. First of all, not everyone is receptive to the idea of a long distance relationship so you always have some problems if one person wants to try it and the other doesn't. Even if you end up convincing them to, the relationship will suffer as a result.
In worse case scenarios, people get lonely and long distance relationships, I feel are more conducive to cheating. I think to some extent there will always be people that are more prone to cheating than others, but when put in a situation where you can't even be close to the person you love, you might make that mistake out of desperation and loneliness. And since it is long distance the other person has less of a chance of finding out which probably also results in the decision to cheat.
When all is said and done, technology can only take you so far. Relationships are best had in person.
Published by Ana Montano
I graduated with a BS in Psychology and a BA in Criminology from the University of Florida, where I also minored in Mass Communications. I have experience as an arts and entertainment columnist for The Indep... View profile
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7 Comments
Post a CommentMy long distance relationship worked out. I also wrote an article about LDRs...
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7880446/is_a_longdistance_relationship_right.html?cat=41
long distance relationship depends on how you make it work. Trust me, it is not the best, but it can really work if you want it to. What you need is commitment, trust and hardwork.
Also--why is the distance less of a problem for her? Why does she not feel the same compulsion to make you a part of her daily life? And, if you are not ok with your part-time status, why are you even struggling with this question? Go make yoruself happy! Life is short.
(Answer continued--character limitations)
Perhaps the most valuable question to ask oneself is: why would I choose to remain in a never-ending, long-distance relationship when I could develop one with someone closer by, who can be more a part of my life?
If your answer is "undying love" and the long-distance partner is "The One," then there WOULD be an end point in sight--the two of you would set an endpoint. You see? Three years is a long time.
Good luck.
I have read and heard that long distance relationships must have an end date in sight, else both parties end up hanging in a situation that prevents their finding a more fulfilling and regular relationship closer by.
Ask yourselves--why are you unable to commit to a time when the distance will change?
Are careers getting in the way? If so, then the issue really is that your careers are more important than your relationship, and this is not viable ground for long-term success. Long, healthy, fulfilling relationships allow for the whole lives of each party to become mutually supportive of the other.
Are you unsure if your partner is "the one?" You have been dating for three years, surely you should be able to determine this. Do you even want "the one?" Or are one of you disinclined toward commitment, generally? If so, then this also is untenable ground for long term success.
Perhaps the most valuable question to ask oneself is: why would I choose to remain in a never
I have been in a LDR for about 3 years now. My girlfriend and I have been together for a total of about 5 years, so it's been a while. We see each other every few months for a week or two at a time, so it's not very often at all. The biggest problem is that there really is no end in sight to when the separation will end and we will be together on a daily basis. To add to this problem I just get the feeling that this doesn't seem to be all that much of a concern to her. I really want this to work but what do you do when there is no end in sight to the separation and all indications are that she isn't in any particular hurry to be together and too many other things come first to her?
I personally don't think long distance relationships work. It's hard enough keeping a relationship going when the person lives near you. Couples need that physical connection just as much as the emotional.