The Chemistry of Polygamist Love

In an earlier article I wrote called The chemistry of Love, it made me start pondering how the chemicals of love such as dopamine, Norepinephrine, oxytocin, and vasopressin work in polygamy.

When Julie* met sam*, the first thing he said to her was "I'm married but available". Julie felt the racing heart, the sweaty palms, and the excitement that dopamine, the pleasure chemical was doing to her. Sam was the most attractive person on the planet. He had sharp blue eyes, and sandy blond hair. Some people describe this strong chemical reaction as "love at first sight."

Julie was ripe for polygamy, because she had a burning desire for truth. She wanted to do whatever it required to make it into Heaven, where she would be an eternal wife and mother forever, continually having spirit babies. Julie's first 20 year marriage did not stand the test of time, but she was ready to try again with a righteous, polygamist husband.

So when she met Sam the dopamine was working overtime. Julie was smitten. Sam was cheerful, very intelligent, and good looking. Julie felt as if "Heavenly Father" had lead her to the jackpot. www.scientificblogging.com/news_releases/chemistry_love -

In the Mormon faith "truth" is often experienced as strong subjective emotion. Each person experiences these emotions in their own way, so each person determines truth for themselves by using a mixture of Scripture and emotion. its called personal revelation (Moroni 10:4), "A burning in the bosom" is how a Mormon knows that they've received the "Holy Ghost". And boy was Julie feeling this burning in the bosom!

(The Bible says: Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things, who can know it?") The heart (which is really the brain, is subject to these chemical cocktails of emotions which deceive us all the time!)

There were red flags, to be sure , but Julie didn't see it. She was too smitten with dopamine. Sam was Purrrrr-fect!

While Sam and Julie were experiencing the giddy moments of addictive noreprinephine love, his then current wife Brenda* was in the oxytocin mode. She had bonded and loved her husband very much. She was on the path of long term bonding aided by the chemical vassopressin. That is, until Julie came along and upset the balance. Julie might have noticed that Brenda was unhappy, but she was blinded by the emotions that she thought was "personal revelation" no matter who it might hurt.
people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm -

Even though Brenda claimed she wanted to live polygamy, she didn't really want to live it. I mean, really, do most women? Most of us want our own husbands, his attention, his help with the children, not only to be lovers but best friends as well. There is barely enough time to bond with one person properly, let alone several!

The next stage that occurs is the competition stage. During this stage chemicals similar to adrenalin are released, causing stress to the "older" wife. Adrenalin can be very toxic, and will cause emotional and physical upset if the stress does not let up. stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/cortisol.htm -

This competition stage is a great ego booster to men who have women jumping through hoops to please their man in and outside of the bedroom. Julie overheard a conversation taking place between Brenda and Sam. Brenda was crying, and asking Sam if Julie was better in bed. Sam placated Brenda to his own advantage, but does this really sound like blissful hormones coursing through Brenda? This sounds more like an attack of cortisol, a hormone which exists in greater quantities when one is under stress.

At lower levels cortisol can be very beneficial, the problem occurs when the stress continues and the body does not have time to go back to normal.
http://stress.about.com/od/stresshealth/a/cortisol.htm.

Julie said that the moment she realized that what was happening to Brenda, would one day happen to her was the night she walked through the house to go to the bathroom, and she heard Sam and Brenda making love. This was a dopamine downer for Julie, but also a major eye opener. You know, the long glances, the giddy smiles, the dancing and the laughing. It would all end, and be transferred to another. After all Sam had no qualms about flirting with women, and two women are not enough, as you need at least three to make it to the coveted spot in the Celestial Kingdom.

By the time this ordeal was over for Julie, the destructive hormones that come with competition and jealousy had taken its toll. Julie's once clear eyes, and shining hair had turned dull. Cortisone had done its damage. The emotional toll that it took on Brenda was beyond comprehension. Brenda had lost everything all because of a religion that had called evil good, and good evil. www.traumaawareness.org/id19.html -

Julie offered Sam the opportunity to live monogamy, but he refused. He wanted to have his Vassopressin and his dopamine too, no matter how high the price.

When Julies daughter was born, Julie was smitten with the bonding hormone oxytocin. At that moment, and every moment since, oxytocin, made what Julie went through worth every minute. Of course, while Julies daughter was being born Sam was pursuing the drug he had become addicted to, dopamine, the pleasure chemical. Young polygamist girls were just waiting for him, he was sure.

Now, what happens when a man has a third wife? He and his new wife get the dopamine high while the other two wives struggle to hold on to the bonding chemicals of oxytocin and vassopressin. Of course, the husband is suppose to be in the later stages of bonding with his first wive's, but he is also distracted with the highly focused dopamine levels that are occurring. He can barely take his mind off of the new girl. www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

What about a fourth wife? The noose tightens even more as the time to bond is severely shortened, while the two lovers of dopamine unwittingly continue their path of destruction. The wive's are trying to hang on because of love for her husband, loyalty, and commitment to religion. The belief that this is what is necessary to get to the highest degree of Celestial glory is a strong motivator.

Of course, only the husband and the wive's are at their various stages of love. The wive's amongst themselves don't produce the love chemicals which assist them in turning a blind eye. The wive's are left to fend for themselves, with full view of each others faults and shortcomings.

If this sounds confusing, it is because it is. These kinds of relationships cause confusion, not just on an external basis, but inside of us where our cells are. Inside of us where our chemicals and hormones reside. These chemical cocktails tell the real story that we may not be able to verbalize, because we don't understand them ourselves. These relationships upset the balance of chemicals that cause feelings of security.
wafe-women.org/index.php?...&task=view&id=552&Itemid=

Many girls can't speak for themselves because they've never been afforded an education which would assist them in understanding and verbalizing exactly what is taking place. I can't talk for every woman, because I don't know every woman, but I can speak for myself, and for countless others who have come out of the system of Mormon Polygamy to tell their own stories. humanistsofutah.org/2005/UnderstandingPolygamy_July-05.html -

There is a trail of Mormon women who have been dumped because of their "disobedience" while the men pursue the dopamine high with women who are more "teachable", "obedient" and usually, young. These are the fruits of delusion which I have seen.

Rather than putting effort into the secure marriages which they already have, they turn around and put romantic effort into a multitude of new relationships. They are constantly craving the drug-like high that is the mark of the beginning of a relationship. It is as if they are addicted to dopamine. They refuse to make normal concessions and compromises within a marriage context, but insist on being "lord and master" without question. If you don't abide their rules, you are free to leave (and by the way leave the children too). They have other wives to satisfy their needs, and it is easy to go out and just find more.

Of course, the question is asked, why did Prophets in the Old Testament live polygamy? In one of my next articles I will be comparing Old Testament Polygamy with Mormon Polygamy...and we'll see what we come up with.

* All other names have been changed because I do not believe Polygamy should be illegal. We need to understand the difference between rights and righteousness.

*This is not meant to reflect all people, or polygamist unions, rather is my own opinion based on the understandings of my own experiences, and what I have learned about how chemicals behave in the human body.

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles." Matt. 7:16

"For Yahweh is not the author of confusion, but of peace,...." 1 Corinthians 14:33

"Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife." 1 Corinthians 7:27

*section 132 of the D & C
www.youramazingbrain.com
www.about.com

19 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man ^amarry a wife by my word, which is my law, and by the new and ^beverlasting covenant, and it is ^csealed unto them by the Holy Spirit of ^dpromise, by him who is anointed, unto whom I have appointed this power and the ^ekeys of this priesthood; and it shall be said unto them-Ye shall come forth in the first resurrection; and if it be after the first resurrection, in the next resurrection; and shall inherit ^fthrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths-then shall it be written in the Lamb's ^gBook of Life, that he shall commit no ^hmurder whereby to shed innocent ⁱblood, and if ye abide in my covenant, and commit no murder whereby to shed innocent blood, it shall be done unto them in all things whatsoever my servant hath put upon them, in time, and through all eternity; and shall be of full force when they are out of the world; and they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, which are set there, to their ^jexaltation and glory in all things, as hath been sealed upon their heads, which glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the ^kseeds forever and ever.