The Chicken

An old gangster named Bernie lived in a small, purple farmhouse on a tall mountain. When I say tall, I really mean tall. It was like... Statue of Liberty tall... no, Mt. Everest tall! I was once told me that was an understatement, rather this mountain was as tall as Mr. Patterson, but I wouldn't go that far.

Bernie lived on the tippity-top by himself, because he believed it would bring good fortune to his crops and grains.

"Yo G, these are going to be so good, fosho! Hee hee hee!" He started pulling out the vegetables and weeds, but something caught his eye.

"Ruhk, ruhk. Ruhkruhkruhk!"

"Shoo! Shoo, you pesky, little chicken! Stop eating my fresh grain, ya ugla lil' g-dawg!"

He tried shooing her away, but she wouldn't leave!

"Fine! If you won't leave, I'll keep you for breakfast."

He caught her and put her in a pen under the window.

The next morning came, and the man, as he awoke early in the morning, heard a sound. He looked out the window and saw the chicken.

"Oh, yeah! I'm gonna eat you for breakfast! A... huh?" He saw behind her an egg!

"Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhk!"

"Hm..." thought the man, "Ya know, G? I could have that egg for breakfast, instead."

"Pesky, little chicken, I have decided to spare your life in exchange for eggs. Will you not respond to this?"

"Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhk!"

Bernie fed the pesky, little chicken a cup of grain. Time flew as he talked to the chicken. Bernie told the pesky, little chicken - who he named Peskittle - about how lonely he was, and the chicken would cackle at him every once in a while.

"You know? I could feed you two cups of grain every day. Maybe then, you'll produce two eggs every morning!" Bernie realized. So he started feeding her two cups of grain every day, but the chicken only got fat, lazy, and wouldn't even cackle at him anymore.

The next morning Bernie got up to fetch an egg, but...

"Blasted chicken! All you ever do is sleep, and I'm not be gettin' no eggs! This is your danged fault." And so, the man grabbed the chicken by her neck and swung her around once. The chicken cackled her last ruhk.

"Yum yum, BFC - Bernie fried chicken!"

The day was silent, the man had no chicken to talk to, and nobody was there to talk to him.

"Wait a minute! Shouldn't I have gotten a rooster if I wanted more eggs?! Fosho dawg! I be trippin'!!"

The End, G-Dawgs!