The College Girl's Guide to Hook-Ups and Parties

1) Don't feel the need to take off your top and dance on the pool table at the Sig Epp Fraternity House. Unless you want to forever be known as "the girl who took her top off", leave that title for another girl to claim. Even though you will get the attention of many, many males at your college, you will also lose the respect of many, many males at your college. I love to party, but I leave the "crazy" antics to my group of girlfriends. I usually end up coming to the party with the "girl who takes her top off", and trust me, I still get plenty of attention, but it's not as negative.

2) The more you drink does not guarantee that you will have more of a good time. Most college girls end up doing some of the stupidest things they regret for a long time to come when they were at their drunkest. Of course you want to relax and have a good time, but limit yourself to a certain number of shots or drinks within a certain time frame. Or you can always pull the ever-popular "red cup" trick. This means that you take one of the red plastic beer cups by the keg but fill it with a water or a sprite and just sip and cruise. Everyone around you will be so drunk they're not even going to notice that you're not drinking alcohol.

3) Just because a guy makes out with you at a party and gets your phone number does not guarantee he will call you. I can't even begin to tell you how embarassing it is to see a cute guy you met at last night's party in the school cafeteria and you try to say hi to him, only to have him give you a blank stare and ask, "Have we met before?" The truth is, he was probably so drunk/under the influence last night that he couldn't tell one female from the next, and would have made out with you or your friend. You just happened to be standing closer to him.

4) Avoid the Walk of Shame if you can. This usually happens in a frat house and unsuspecting girls try to sneak out of one of the brother's rooms undetected after a one night stand, but the whole fraternity is standing on both sides of the hall, making obscene comments as she attempts to head out the front door. Sometimes they even take her picture and post it up on the Wall of Shame. That sucks.

5) Don't expect to find true love with a fraternity boy, especially if he's from one of the popular/cool frats. I'm not saying all fratenity guys are terrible, there are many that are in serious relationships, but a lot of them cheat on their girlfriends, and honestly, you've got a bunch of testosterone-crazed twenty-something co-eds partying it up on a weekly basis. Do you really think he's going to want to give up his freedom and party habits now, especially when there's a hot sorority just a few blocks away?

6) Dating your professor or the TA is a bad idea. Especially if you have a falling out or things don't work out, don't be surprised when you start getting C's on all your papers.

7) Don't feel the need to go to every party. After a while, you'll begin to realize that they're all the same. Don't fret if you missed the party last night. Chances are, there will be five more like it this weekend. You can make up for the partying you missed, and then some.

8) When you pack for college, always make sure to pack some leg warmers, a cowboy hat, a sheet you can turn into a toga, and lingerie. You will be attending at least one of every theme party in the next semester, and you want to be prepared.

9) Just because you hook up regularly with a guy doesn't mean you two are exclusive. There are thousands of single girls on campus. You don't honestly think he's staying in his dorm room the other 5 nights of the week that he doesn't spend with you, do you?

10) A guy's idea of a first date in college is often inviting you to meet up with him at the upcoming keg fest or party. If he invites you to the school's annual naked run, however, don't go. Why should he get the priviledge of seeing you naked without even having to buy you dinner?

11) Be wary of guys that only want to meet up after-hours but won't even acknowledge your presence during the daylight. Those guys are lame and think they're players.

12) Try not to hook up with someone in one of your classes. That is always awkward. Unless of course you're in a 500-person lecture hall where attendance is optional.

13) Don't allow people to take pictures of you while you're drunk. And if you do, don't be surprised if you find copies of those pictures all over the campus halls the next day. Hate to say I told you so.

14) Whatever you do, don't allow yourself to be in one of those "Girls Gone Wild" videos while on Spring Break. (I hear they even come to the campuses nowadays). Pretty much everyone has seen those videos or owns one as a gag gift, and you don't want to be documented as the girl who lifted up her shirt for a pair of plastic beads for the rest of your life. Memories are haunting enough, but having those memories on film? Even worse.

15) Don't hook up with more than two members of the same fraternity if you can help it. The camarederie is tight in those groups, and word spreads faster than you could ever imagine. You don't want to become the "Sigma Kappa" slut.

16) Always go with a friend to a party. It's a bad idea to party alone. You make yourself an easier target for predators and creepy guys.

17) Stay away from hard drugs. They'll mess you up and get you into trouble.

18) This one goes without saying: do not hook up with a guy that lives on the same floor as you at the dorms. This is another recipe for disaster.

19) Don't mix drinks and try to impress others with your "mad drinking skills", especially if you don't really have them. You'll end up drunk the next day with a bad hangover, and you'll be forced to miss class.

20) Always make it your goal at the end of the night to pass out in your own bed. It's always bad when you pass out in someone else's bed, in a hallway of some frat house, on the lawn of a frat house...

21) If you get to a party and the guy at the door says you have to flash him in order to get in, move on. Chances are, there are at least ten other parties going on at the same time. And you won't have to show anything to get in.

22) Don't make out with another girl in order to impress a guy. That's so overrated. Just ask him to make out with his friend for you. Watch his expression, then say, "See? Told you so!"

23) Don't participate in any college porn. It's a very, very bad idea and will come back to haunt you.

24) Always make sure you understand the rules of any stripping game before you play. You don't want to lose. And if the rules seem bogus, don't play.

25) And if you do end up playing a stripping game, if at the last moment you decide you're "out" because you'll be completely naked, be prepared to have a room full of very angry people.

26) Don't ever let yourself feel pressured to have sex with anyone. If you're having doubts, you should hold off. Because once you do it, there's no reversing your actions and you will be forced to endure the consequences.

27) Be wary when you participate in one of those "auctions" for your sorority. Always make sure you know what is expected of you. i can't tell you how many times girls have allowed themselves to be auctioned off for a date one night only to have the winning bidder think he's getting sex at the end of the night.

28) Once you set down your drink at a party, you're done with it. If you want another drink, go get a fresh one. You don't know what's been put in your drink after you lose track of it. And it's not always drugs they slip in there. Sometimes a guy can't find a bathroom and your plastic cup was the nearest thing. You don't want to to take your chances.

29) Bring as few valuables with you to parties as you can. Leave the expensive digital camera you received as a graduation gift at home. Opt for a disposable camera. If you lose it (which you most likely will, the drunker you are) it's an $8 dollar loss, which you can deal with.

30) Be careful of who you lend your money to. You can lend $50 to the guy in your Econ class who promises to pay you back at the next lecture, and then he doesn't show up again for the rest of the semester.